Reflections On Becoming A Godly Wife

This past month has been a very busy time for our family for many reasons. And it has brought me to ponder our marriage more than ever. This last week I've been studying through Proverbs 31. The question that I've asked myself for years keeps resurfacing. "In a world where half of the people who marry end up divorced, how are we going to stay together?" Now before anybody jump to conclusions... I will tell you why this is a question I ask myself. turn to 1 Peter 5:5 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour." Satan is the enemy of this world, I know that the times that he is able to wreak havoc in our lives is when we become lukewarm in our faith. When we be complacent and think to ourselves, "That would never happen to us." And here's the thing, that could be us, it would be us without the grace and strength that can only come through Christ himself. It is hard for us to admit that we can't do it on our own. But when we come to that realization and humble ourselves to accepting Christ's strength, that is where real marriages can thrive. I don't care who you are, who your spouse is or how long you've been married. Marriage is hard. We can't thrive in the marriage that God intended us to have by leaving him on the back burner. So what, as wives, are we supposed to do? Here are a couple of my thoughts.

God first. Every time. All the time. No matter what. Your husband is second. Even over your kids. I think a lot of people make the mistake of putting their kids first and I believe that is wrong and not beneficial to your children. Kids thrive best in a home where mom and dad are at peace and in love with one another. I will be honest, I haven't and don't always put God first and when I don't I can tell the difference in my mood, how my day flows and how I treat my husband, daughter and others. One of the biggest things we can do for our marriage is be prayer warriors. Being diligent and aware and  taking every worry, every stress, every problem before the cross. We forget the significance and influence we as wives possess and how that either positively or negatively influences our marriage. Studying through Proverbs 31 and what a godly wife looks like is humbling and encouraging. It's also hard. In this world we are taught to be self focused. Do what is best for us etc. etc.. but a godly marriage is not about giving your fifty percent as long as he's giving his fifty percent. No. It's one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. We as wives are not responsible for our husbands actions. We are responsible for our roles as wives before God. To do what we are called to do as no matter what. That's what will make marriage last.

Through doing this study I have found ways I have been living selfishly, areas I can improve. I also find that I get the most peace and joy when I am respecting, loving, honoring and serving my husband. It does not take away from who I am, my time or my life. It brings meaning and happiness to my life. The time I spend on my knees in prayer lifting him up, fighting for our marriage, praying God's blessings over our lives, the things I can do to relieve my husbands stress, to show him love... that's when I feel the happiest in our marriage. When my focus is on God first and then my husband. That's how God intended it to be. We somehow think that we know better and when we focus on ourselves and grumble and complain about our husbands and what they are or aren't doing that somehow it will magically give us a great life or something. Thing is, most people don't genuinely appreciate all the things their husbands do. Honestly there are many days when I don't have a full appreciation of what he does. So much of it goes unseen. We are quick to grumble because he doesn't spend enough time with us, or the kids, or he works too much or not enough, he leaves dishes in the living room, clothes on the floor, falls asleep when he gets home... the list goes on...

Take time to ponder and appreciate what your husband does... I am so thankful for the man I have. Yes, I often pick dirty clothes up off the floor, I clean the bathroom (again) after he shaves, I make him meals, I don't get as much time with him as I'd like (He's just that awesome to be around) and most of the time he's asleep within 2.5 seconds of hitting the pillow at night. That's the time that I am blessed to be able to pray over him. To appreciate all he does. He works hard. Incredibly hard. Balancing different jobs, paying bills, keeping up on house repairs, providing financially so I can stay home to raise our daughter. And every morning he wakes me up with a kiss, he finds time to spend with our daughter and watch a movie with me. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how glad he is that I'm his wife. Sometimes he frustrates me, what husband doesn't? But the truth is at the end of the day I am so appreciative of the amazing godly man, husband and father he is and I'm so incredibly thankful for all that he does for our family. The few things I listed just being the very tip of the iceberg. Even as I'm typing this I realize that I don't tell him often enough what a great husband he is and how much I appreciate all that he does.

So I guess I will end this by challenging all of you wives and future wives, make God FIRST. Yes it's hard. Yes it's difficult. Yes it's painful. But wasn't Jesus dying on the cross worth it? Wasn't his sacrifice bigger than anything we could ever give up? Find daily time to spend in the word. Find other godly wives who you can fellowship and be challenged with. Be a wife of prayer, fighting for you husband, your marriage and your children. Put your husband second. Learn what that means and what an honor it is to respect, love and serve him regardless of his actions. Pray for him. That is the most powerful thing you can do for him. Dig into Proverbs 31 and find out how it applies to you today. We all have 24 hours in a day, only YOU get to decide how you are going to use them. And someday we will stand before our almighty God, our loving Father and give an accord for how we spent our time and who or what we gave the biggest priority of our life to. Choose to be a wife who honors God and your husband. Today.

~KrissElise

*The study I am going through is a book called "Proverbs 31 Wife Handbook" by Lara Velez. It's a 26 day devotional digging into Proverbs 31  and how it applies today. It goes over a verse or two a day, some thoughts on it, a love challenge toward your husband and an area to write and reflect.

I'm Just A Child

(Written through the eyes of my daughter)

I’m brand new to this world,

But I have something to say to you,

A plea of sorts from my little heart to yours,

Right now, all I know is love,

Mommy and Daddy fight all my battles,

They make all my decisions and tend to all my needs,

All I know is love and family who adores me,

One day though I’ll grow up,

We all know how that time goes way too quick,

I’ll find out about you… I’ll wonder where you are,

I won’t understand the turmoil, pain or fights,

Or why mommy and you don’t get along,

It will all be confusion in my young mind,

I will wonder if I mattered to you, why you never met me,

I won’t understand what kept you away,

Or even really know who you are,

That’s why today I’ll simply ask you this,

Remember, I’m just a child,

All I know is love,

I won’t understand why you aren’t here, why you never met me,

No matter how you try to explain it someday when I’m all grown up,

It will never be clear in my mind, I’ll always have questions,

I’ll always wonder where you were,

I don’t care who is wrong or who is right,

I’ll never know what happened ten years in the past,

I am your chance to start brand new,

Your chance to dig down and pull out the love you have,

I could be the start of a whole new world,

One in which we could all be near,

But I’m little and you are big,

You are the one who gets to decide the future,

Please remember, I’m just a child,

I’m your granddaughter, your niece, your family line,

I have your blood running through my veins,

I wonder if I have any of your features,

Or what we’d have in common,

I wonder what life would be like if the past was set aside,

But I’m just a child and it’s not for me to decide,

The future will play out as big people make choices,

Just remember, those choices affect me, and you…

Please think hard, don’t let more time slip by without me,

This is my plea to you, give me a chance, a chance to know you,
To love and be loved by you...

~KrissElise

"Officially" A Mom

As I sit here writing tonight I am holding my beautiful, almost two-week-old little girl. It's crazy to me how fast time flies. People keep asking me how it feels to be a mom now.. in my mind I've been a mom for the last 9+ months. From the first ecstatic moment that I found out we were expecting a baby, the first time I got to hear her heartbeat, the look on her daddy's face the first time we got to see her on an ultrasound, feeling her first movements, worrying, praying and watching her grow... to the moment that the doctor walked in the room and told me that in about an hour I would have my baby girl.... it has been the most amazing experience ever.  

I had planned for a natural birth but because of circumstances as I went into labor, the doctor thought it safest for both baby and myself that she come sooner rather than later. I had never been hospitalized before, never had any operations and initially the thought of having a C-section terrified me. But in the moment as I sought out God I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I had amazing doctors and nurses who immediately started all the preparations for surgery and my amazing husband there by my side. 

In the operation room I tried not to think about the fact that I couldn't move the lower half of my body, (Yes, I'm a little claustrophobic) I found it really strange that I couldn't feel myself breathe so it almost felt like I wasn't and the pain medication made me super nauseous. My husband sat right there though and was my focal point. I focused on his face, his eyes as he reassured me that I was doing great. It seemed like only minutes when I heard our baby's first cries. That moment.... there's nothing that can beat that. Seeing your perfect little angel after 9 long months... I cried. Her dad brought her over so I could touch her while they closed my incision. Afterwards, we were taken to a post operation room and our baby girl got some time with her daddy while I was attempting to recover from all the medication. That was the worst part of all. If you've never been super nauseous and vomiting constantly right after having your stomach muscles cut open you cannot imagine... they gave me some medicine to combat nausea and it sort of started working. I got to hold my baby girl and feed her for the first time. 

Right there, watching my newborn baby cling to me, seeing the adoration in my husband's eyes as he held my hand and kissed my forehead I felt completely unworthy. And that's the thing about life. I don't deserve any of this. The amazing life I have, the incredible husband, the beautiful daughter... and yet the Lord of all chose me, handpicked these blessings for me and gave them freely. I realize that being a mom and rasing my child and future children, bringing them up in the Lord will be the most important job I will ever have. 

Later that morning our families came up to visit and during the following couple days while baby and I remained in the hospital we had some friends up. One of the most repetitive questions I am asked is what it's like being a mom. I'm never quite sure how to respond to that as I have a million different emotions. Part of me is terrified that somehow I'll mess up, I'll fail her, but the other part of me feels incredibly grateful to be able to give my little girl all the love in the world. I will make mistakes as a parent but I will do my absolute best to let her know how absolutely adored she is and always will be. I feel so blessed to have a great man who will be and already is an amazing daddy and who has been by my side the entire time. I'm excited that my girl will get to know what it feels like to be close to her dad, loved and cherished. And also I think it will be healing. Opening up new doors and giving her all that I didn't have growing up. Knowing that I can create a safe and loving atmosphere for her to grow up in, to make mistakes, to succeed, to rise and fall, to leave and come back knowing that there's nothing she could ever do to separate her from the love in my heart. 

Being a mom is the best thing ever. I wouldn't change it for the world. The moment she took her first breathe my whole world changed in a way that I will never be able to explain with words. As my baby wakes up to eat for the ten millionth time today, I will leave you with this.... love your children. Love them, adore them, forgive them... because if you wait too long that chance will be gone. Read them a story, get down on the floor, take them to lunch, throw the baseball... spend time with them. Listen to them. Cherish them.

~KrissElise

Promise Me

In the shadow of the cold November rain she stood,

Fingers running softly across the deep mahogany wood,

A single tear slipped down her face,

Breathing in the smell of the freshly dug earth,

Silently holding a single white rose,

“I don’t know what to say,” her words but a whisper,

“All these years I hoped and prayed,

Now all I have is questions as I stand here at your grave,

Why you taught me how to live without you, I’ll never understand,

Over this time you’ve become a stranger I hardly know,

I really thought that one day you’d change your mind,”

“Now in a moment I’ll step away,

Give them the word and they’ll lower you into the ground,

In my world, you died the day you walked away,

But today the hope that one day you’d come back is gone,

All my questions will remain as now it’s my turn, to walk away,”

Tears slid down her face, grieving for who he could have been,

As she watched them lower the casket seven feet deep,

“I’ll never in all my life understand, not why you didn’t love me…”

Her gaze turned to the four young children standing quietly with their dad,

“But why you used me as a reason to not love them,”

White rose fell from her hands and she turned away,

Her husband stepped forward and wrapped her in his embrace,

“Baby you know you can’t stop the hands of death,

Though I know you’d give your all just to give him one more chance,”

She buried her face in his chest,

With a sob she said, 

“Promise me you will always love them, even when they mess up,

No matter how far away they go that you’ll welcome them home,

Promise me you will always be their daddy”

She looked up into his eyes which glistened with unshed tears,

“Of course baby, I will always love them,”

And he squeezed her tight.

~Kriss Elise

 

And... Life Keeps Changing!

It's been a bit since I've blogged last, and since then our life has taken a new turn. We are expecting our first child in January! We couldn't be more excited to start our family! Thankfully in the terms of pregnancy, I have gotten by relatively easy so far. In two weeks we have our 17-week checkup and should be able to find out if we are welcoming a little boy or a little girl into the world. I have to say these last couple months have been a challenge and a growing experience. As for my husband, he has been incredible. I could not be more blessed to have such a patient, gentle, loving man walking through life and pregnancy with me. He's dealt with me crying for no reason (which he still doesn't understand) mood swings, fatigue, nausea and the list goes on with more gentleness and love than I could have ever expected. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the amazing father my child has even before he or she is born.


I've served in ministry in many ways, from cleaning the church, being a youth leader and going on mission trips overseas and now, I realize my greatest mission of all is just beginning. Teaching, leading and raising my children to be godly followers of Christ. It terrifies me and excites me all at once. In fact in church last Sunday I was overwhelmed to the point of tears when we were singing the hymn "Pour it Out" I've heard the song before but in that moment the depth of it really hit me.

"Oh the depths of Your mercy
That saves a wretch like me
And the waves of forgiveness
Your blood that covers me

Pour it out
Pour it out

Oh the weight of Your glory
That brings me to my knees
And the power of Your presence
That heals and sets me free

I will worship I will love You
I will lift You up
Give You honor praise and glory
I will pour it out"

It was kind of like seeing my life flash before my eyes, the depths of His mercy, the waves of His forgiveness, the weight of glory, the power of His presence.... all which set me free. I saw who I was as a teenager, one who was deemed hopeless. A victim of sexual assault, bitter at the world, a girl with a rough past, confused and alone, headed down the wrong path... my life should have spiraled downhill, but for mercy and grace. Jesus stepped in, he sent me guardian angels in the form of a family, to help me navigate through life and onto a better road. I only needed a taste of that... a taste of the love, freedom, grace, mercy, forgiveness... and it was water to a parched soul, like none other I'd ever tasted. This water promised life. A beautiful, thriving life. I set my eyes on that and never looked back.

I could have followed who people told me I was, I could have fallen into being a "victim", I could have stayed on the path I was on, let myself be defined by the past, by my mistakes, by the mistakes of my childhood parents. I could have followed any path, but for the strength in which I possess through Christ.... here I am.

Married to the man of my dreams, the man God chose for me years ago, living a full and thriving life, growing daily in my relationship with Christ. I am surrounded by family who loves me, and I'm preparing to welcome my child into this world. I am excited about life, the future, becoming a better wife and being a mom. My past, it has no hold over me, it does not define who I am or who I can become. Did it take me time and struggles to get her? Yes. But I am living proof that God can take a broken, shattered life and make it whole and beautiful. No matter how rough your past, how deep the pit, how broken and messed up you think you are, a life is never too far gone for God to redeem to recreate into a beautiful masterpiece.

I am overwhelmed, brought to my knees in humble gratitude, honor, and adoration for my Abba Father, for my Lord. He is my life, my every breath, I owe all to him. 

~Kriss Elise

Our beautiful baby at 12 weeks

 

Reflecting On My Love

This morning I sit out here breathing in the beautiful Montana air. It's my quiet time, time with God, time to write, time to reflect. My husband is off to another ten hour day of work and that's where I find my mind wandering. To the man that just a few short months ago stood at the alter and promised his love to me. The man who I believe is the greatest in the world. I don't post about him all the time on social media, he's not my mcm on instagram, you don't see a million pictures of us making out... because most of the time I like to keep what we have between us, the sacredness of it hidden away not splayed for the world to see, comment or like. But sometimes I'm so overwhelmed, so moved that I must write, and I must share with you all what a good husband is like. 

My husband is not perfect. He is human. He makes mistakes. He gets frustrated. He is my hero. When God handpicked him out for me, he knew he was the perfect one for me to grow with for the rest of my life. We have already come so far in our relationship and marriage in such a short time and a lot of that is due to the amazing man my husband is. 

In January we are expecting our first child, we couldn't be more excited! With that being said... pregnancy is not always easy. Here's the thing that a lot of people forget though and I've been guilty of it myself. People tend to focus on how hard it is for the woman, how much it affects her. You never hear of how hard it is for the husband. He has dealt with the crazy mood swings, the extreme fatigue when all I wanted to do was sleep. He's been so patient and kind throughout me crying over little things, or not knowing why I'm crying at all. He's the one who is constantly there to reassure me, to calm my racing mind. He's been a champ throughout the whole time I've felt sick and moody. Always checking in to see how I'm feeling and what he can do for me. Reminding me that I'm beautiful when I don't feel like it. Reminding me of all I do for our family when I feel like all I've done was lay on the couch. A lot of guys don't know how to deal with a pregnant woman or can't and remain a little distant. Not mine, he's been right there through each week. He loves our baby and I think that is the most precious thing. Many times it is hard for the dad to bond with and unborn child, sometimes even for the mom but to see his love, to hear him ask about the baby, or talk to the baby who can't even hear yet.... makes me want to cry. My child is going to be so lucky to have such an amazing dad. 

All the while he's working long hours to provide for us, spending his time off fixing things around the house, preparing for the baby, taking care of the yard, and still making time to spend with me. Then on Sunday we go worship God together with other believers and every week, I'm reminded of how blessed I am. There are truly no words to describe all that he does for me, all that he is, all that he wants to do. He supports me, he is patient, kind, gentle... he wants to give me the world, but he doesn't realize that he is my world. 

Take a moment this week to reflect and ponder on all the things that your husband does that often go unappreciated and unnoticed. Thank him for it. Remind him of how much he means to you and how lucky you are to be his wife. 

I waited on God, and he gave me a man better than all my dreams. 

~KrissElise

She Loved The Storm

Arms outstretched, standing in the open field,
Wind tearing wildly through her hair,
She loved the storm, she was born that way,
The frozen rain came down in a fury,
Pain and scars left in it's wake,
Trees crashed in the forest, branches flew,
Yet there she stood, unfazed,

The barn silhouetted against the sky a short distance off,
Livestock watching beneath the shelter of it's roof,
Neighbors called out from their houses,
Pleading her to seek safety and warmth,
Yet the girl remained, despite the pain,
Because she loved the storm,

They all said she was crazy, maybe she was,
Rumor had it she was a little broken, a little disturbed,
One thing was clear, she loved with no reserve,
Perhaps that's why she stayed,
Thunder deafening the silent night,
Lighting bolts electrify the sky,

Nobody really knows where she came from,
Her story stayed behind closed doors,
Locked in a dark past where she emerged,
All anybody could really say is she knew how to love,
She just didn't know how to stop.

One last roll of thunder,
One last streak of lighting,
The field was lit ablaze,
Charred wet grass, rainbow in the sky,
Her wild soul met it's fate,

In the dark shadows they stood unseen,
Why did we let her go? Why didn't we fight? They asked,
In the end, what was so important about always being right?

No clock to turn back the hands of time,
Just empty space to return,
No more pleas for love or time,
No phone calls, texts, or days to wait,

The time was gone and so was she,
Only one question left unanswered,
What about her was so broken,
That she wasn't worth loving? 

~KrissElise