1,274 Days Of Waiting - Now He's Mine

On September 17th 2016 my sweetheart serenaded me with a song that he wrote especially for me, got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I cried. (I also said yes) That day I realized in full reality that I had finally got what I waited 1,274 days for. And in that moment, every single moment I had waited for him was so worth it. Let me give you a little bit of history here about myself....

I was the kind of girl who grew up in a tough family situation. I learned early to be independent and to rely on myself. I also learned that it was best to be tough, shut off your feelings and protect yourself, because if you didn't nobody else would. I also was not impressed with guys. (and no, unlike many people thought I was never attracted to women either haha) I just wasn't into the dating game. I didn't want the drama. And honestly most guys frustrated me with their immaturity and lackadaisical approach to life. I'd also been hurt by guys in many different ways over the years and wasn't interested in getting in a relationship that would put me in a position where they had control. My friends and coworkers would always be talking about "cute guys" and "hot guys" and I was just like whatever. I could care less. 

Then came a special Friday in April 2013 that would change the direction of my life forever. Though at the time I had no clue. I went to the life group at my future adoptive parents house like I did every Friday. But today was different. There was a guy there. It would take me awhile to admit it to myself, and even longer to admit it to anybody else, but he was handsome. Not handsome like the "hot" movie character guys who all think they are something else, but like drop dead handsome. Without even having a clue. Like in a crowd of people he stands out from the rest. I'm not sure what it was about him... not only was he attractive but I felt drawn to him, to his personality... to something deeper. And to be honest... I hated it. I've gotten somewhat better now, but back then I was a major control freak. The fact that I couldn't control my feelings irritated me to no end. Yet I couldn't resist wanting to see him again, to get to know him better. To hear his voice, understand what made him tic. He was strong, capable, independent, he voiced his opinion, stood up for the truth he was compassionate, funny, and not to mention had the cutest smile ever. A part of me deep down inside knew from that day that I wanted him. And that feeling would be one to drive me crazy for years.

So fast forward... the next week we went out together, got to know each other some, we were both struggling with some life stuff, both busy with work and he grew distant. By then I had become fairly certain that God was telling me that this was the guy for me. I didn't know what else to do so I started praying. Little did I know that after three years, God would answer my prayer. Meanwhile many of the people close to me were worried because at 19, 20, 21 years of age, I was still showing no real outward interest in guys. Ninety-nine percent of my thoughts about Travis I kept to myself. People would think I was crazy and they did. Heck even I thought I was crazy. Over the years I was talked into going on several set up dates. I remember one...I don't even remember now who talked me into it, I think the guy's name was Justin, maybe it was Jason. Anyway, we met for lunch. He was sitting in the restaurant booth trying to keep conversation going and before we even got food ordered I told him the truth. I told him that there was another guy that I liked, that I wouldn't sit there and pretend to be interested in him when I couldn't get somebody else off of my mind. He understood, thanked me and we went our separate ways. Time went on... the few people who knew that I was hung up over some guy who didn't even really talk to me anymore were quite sure that I was insane. I wouldn't argue with that fact. Three years passed by and people started really getting on my nerves. I was going to a college age Bible study and I made the mistake of mentioning to somebody that one of the guys there was kind of attractive. Suddenly I was thrown into the drama of supposedly wanting a relationship with this guy that little known to me was the crush of many girls in town. I also had people pushing me to initiate a relationship with him. I tried to like him. I did my best thinking that maybe if I just liked him it would get people off my back. Next thing I knew I was hearing from a friend of a friend that I didn't show up to the girls Valentines night out because that guy wasn't going to be there. (Truth is I was sick with the flu) When I heard that, I swear I lost it. I was frustrated dealing with all this drama about a guy that I didn't really want anyway. I told them just that in words a little harsher than I probably should have. I told that person about this guy that I really wanted. The only one I really ever wanted. It was shortly after that I just started telling people that I was planning on staying single my whole life. Because if I couldn't have Travis I didn't want anybody else. When I talked to God I still felt like he was the one. Going out with any other guy seemed wrong. A few short months later, Easter of 2016 I get a text out of the blue from Travis. 

We got together, caught up on life and by our second date we were discussing where we saw our relationship going. I wasn't sure about it all. I mean this was what I'd been praying for just almost three years now, so I shouldn't have been surprised that God answered but... really? I kind of felt like I was in a dream. (Sort of still do) Like is this really happening? I had just decided that I was fine with being single for the rest of my life and then God is like "okay, now is a perfect time for Travis to come back into the picture." Spring turned into the best summer of my life as I dated and fell deeper and deeper in love with my best friend. Then he proposed to me... I left for Uganda three days later... we spent five incredibly hard weeks apart and then I came home to start planning our wedding. Where does that leave us now? That leaves me counting down the last month until I get to marry the most amazing guy on God's green earth. Has it all been sweet and easy? No. We've had our share of ups and downs, our struggles especially as we learn to deal with my past. There have been frustrations, tears, and stress but that is all insignificant compared to the joy, the love, the thrill of starting my life and seeing my future with my first, only and last love. 

I've been blessed to see many different areas of Travis's personality. I see him strong, confident, leader, 100% all guy. I see a handsome, cute, gorgeous man. I've also got to see the tenderness, the sensitive side. I've seen him stand his ground and argue his point with people. I've also got to experience the tender side when he's listening to every word I say and the ones I don't. I've felt the rough callouses on his hands from his manual labor job and I've also felt his tender touch on my face as he looks into my eyes. He thinks he's ordinary. He doesn't see what I see. But I know what an amazing guy he is, I know how blessed I am and I try to tell him so every single day. I got to fall in love with one guy. I got to give him everything I have. What are the chances of that? I get to marry the first and only guy I ever dated. I get to spend the rest of my life loving him. Giving him everything I have. I have to say I have been an emotional wreck the past few months and confuse the poor guy. Half of the time because I'm crying because I'm so happy. Because I'm so blessed. The other day we were talking and I was trying to hold the sobs back as I was overwhelmed with how lucky my kids will be to have a dad who is loving and affectionate to their mom. I could write a whole new post on that topic as it's something coming from my background that I will never take for granted. 

Anyway before this post gets too long I'll wrap up, I guess it turned into a post a little more on how we met and got to the point of being married but that's okay. I have the rest of my life to try and find words to describe how amazing my man is, and how absolutely lucky and blessed I am. I am so proud of the man he is, I am so proud to be his. I will never be thankful enough for God bringing him into my life, for putting us together and I cannot wait to continue this exciting journey with him! 

I will end with a little encouragement to all the single men and women out there. Find joy and peace in the waiting, don't rush it, don't feel like you have to settle for somebody because you are getting "old". The best thing you can do right now is to pray for your future spouse. Make a habit of it. And work on letting God mold you into a godly man or woman who will be ready when God brings the right one into your life. Waiting can be hard, frustrating, even heartbreaking, but I can testify from my own story that your wait will not be in vain. I believe God blesses those who trust in him and wait on his timing. My life is living proof of that. Not in my own strength but in God's. What I have now is so good because I learned to find joy in the waiting, I focused on molding myself to Christ's image and learning to be a good wife someday. I am far from it but each day I learn something new, I'm challenged in a new way and each day I grow a little closer to who I want to be. Stay strong, keep faith and don't lose your trust in God's plan. He knows what he's doing. He has a plan that is far better than yours. Until next time, God bless you as you seek and obey his will. 

In Christ, KrissElise 

Prayer

What actually is prayer? Is it something we say before a meal? A blessing we say only when somebody is ill? A picture we share on Facebook because it tells you that God won't bless you if you don't type "Amen" and click share? Is that what prayer has become? Something we do when we need something from a higher power than us? A powerless thing that we toss around as if it really has no significance?

During the last year or so God has really been impressing upon me not only the importance of prayer but the absolute need for a strong prayer life. Going to Uganda I believe was part of that. While I was there, prayer wasn't a choice, an option or an afterthought. Prayer is what kept me going, protected me and helped me be used by God.

One of my biggest revelations was this... even if in a moment we had everything we could ever need, we would still desperately need to pray. Prayer is our connection with God. It's the direct communication line with our Father. We can be on top of the highest mountain or deep in down in the darkest pit and find him the moment we speak. We can be lost deep in the forest of life or riding high on the top and each moment we need him just as deeply as the next. There's no place we can go, nothing anybody can do to severe that connection. Prayer I believe is the purest form of worship. We go before our holy, almighty, perfect Savior and he listens. We can come as we are, broken, lost, unsure, scared, sinful... and he hears our cry. We need that connection with God. Sometimes it's the days where things are going best that I feel I need God the most. I need a heart to heart connection with him, I need him to hear my praise, to hear my worship, to know how much I adore Him. Then there are times of struggle, there is the ordinary every day life. How does prayer fit in? Honestly, I think it is essential to life and none of us really know the full power of it. Prayer is powerful because we have a holy Father listening to our words.

The whole year of 2016 is one that constantly brought me to my knees in desperation prayer and then with my arms stretched wide in adoration to my King. The beginning of the year brought the re-connection with an old friend. One I'd kept in my nightly prayers for several years. Overwhelmed, unsure, confused.... I wasn't sure what God was doing. (I'd been praying for this and now God was answering but I was completely caught off guard) I'm somebody who likes to be in control. I like to know what I'm doing and this was an area of life where I really had no experience whatsoever. So many times a day I found myself on my knees asking for guidance and wisdom. With that God began preparing me for a relationship with the man that he planned me to spend my future with. Along with all that I had found out that there was a possibility that I might have cancer, that brought me into a deeper relationship and prayer life than ever before. The tests dragged out, and even though it was only the span of a couple weeks it seemed like an eternity, but in that time I saw God and life in a whole new light. I took a risk and I fell in love with my best friend, I told him how I felt about him. We started dating and summer flew by. Quickly approaching was the date for me to leave the country for a five week mission trip. Three days before I left he proposed to me and I said yes. Then crying I boarded the plane that would take me overseas. One of the hardest things I've ever done was leave the one I love standing at the airport.

My time in Uganda... I'm not sure I can ever fully articulate my experience there because I think it's something that you have to experience firsthand. Corinthians 6:12 came to life. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." We were in a village that has some of the highest witchcraft and evil practices present. A lot of what I did while I was over there was prayer. When you go to a foreign country, to a place like that you want to fix everything. But you can't. You find that the power is all God's and one of your most important jobs is to intercede for others. There was specifically this one day when I was walking through the little village praying and I could literally feel the presence of evil all around me. I felt it so strongly I imagined I could reach out my hand and touch it. I knelt there in the middle of the dirt road and prayed, and its like I could see this picture of demons and satanic powers lining all sides of the road. They were trying to get to me, they were all around me but there in-between us were God's angels sent to guard me. They were fighting against the spiritual forces of darkness making the path clear for me and keeping me from harm. That picture hasn't left my mind. I realized how real that is every moment and we don't see it. Over there you can't help but see it. People openly practice witchcraft, people cast spells, demonic powers are alive and rampant. Back here in America we can forget. But that picture is true wherever we go. When we are driving down the road to work, playing with our kids, cooking dinner or hugging our spouse. And even more so when we kneel to pray or open our Bible to read. Satan is always out there trying to cause us to stumble, sending demons to cause us to lose faith or doubt. And so creates the spiritual warfare all around us as God's angels protect us from harm. In Uganda, prayer is an essential for survival. I don't think a believer could survive there without that connection with God.

So how does that apply to us in America? I think it is just as important or maybe even more so. Because especially when life is going good we let it slide. We put prayer on the back burner. A last resort to turn to when all else fails. But it's so much more than that. Prayer is a means of warfare we wage against the devil. It connects us to the one who has the power to change our circumstances and to change our hearts. The Bible says to be praying at all times in the Spirit. I believe we should be in constant connection to our Father. How can we expect our marriages to thrive, our children to grow into godly men and women without prayer? How can we complain about how awful life is when we are slacking in our prayer lives? I've spent close to a year in a relationship with the man who will soon be my husband. In just over a month we will say our marriage vows and begin our life as husband and wife. I can say with certainty already that without prayer we would not be together. And I know that without it there is no way that we will be able to stay together for the course of our lives. God has to be involved. He has to be the centerpiece of everything. 

Most of all... if you aren't staying plugged in to God, how do you expect to remain charged and ready for the life laid out before you? Take some time this week and dedicate it to quiet time to really connect your heart to God. And don't just make it another thing that you check off your to do list, integrate it into your life, let it seep into every aspect, every detail of every day.

Keep faith my fellow brothers and sisters and fight the good fight.

In Christ, KrissElise

The above picture is from a very powerful movie on prayer.