From One To Two Under Two

Last week our second child, precious baby boy was born. Wow! What a life change. We had nine months to prepare but nothing but living the experience can prepare you for how different things are. I have to give credit to my wonderful husband who stood by and supported me through the up and downs of being pregnant while caring for a toddler. Especially in the last month when my energy was at a record low. He supported me in my decision to try for a vbac instead of an elective cesarean. He supported me when baby was being stubborn and we were into the 41rst week with no signs of labor and had to schedule a c-section. He was there by my side as the day came and we were in the hospital being prepped for the surgery and he was supportive when my doctor came in and told me I was in labor and we could switch back to the plan for a vaginal birth. The next nine hours he spent checking in on our older child who was with grandparents and by my side as I labored. Baby boy was sunnyside up and wedged in a unfavorable position. Pushing that little guy out took everything I had. If it wasn't for my husband there encouraging me and telling me I could do it when I said I couldn't I never would have been able to do it. He was my strength and focus. All together it was an incredible experience. There are no words for the emotion I felt when my brand new son was laid on my chest and gulped his first breath. We were able to come home just over 24 hours later and so begins our life with two kiddos under two. 

The first couple days were rough. Big sister just wanted to take her brother from us. (She loves babies) Her little self had a hard time understanding that she couldn't just have him and she was upset when she saw me holding him. Of course with a new baby our schedule was thrown off and all of mommy's attention isn't just on her anymore. Which I think honestly was harder on me than on her. That little girl is my world and between constantly nursing her brother and being super sore I felt like I couldn't give her the attention she deserved. By the beginning of the week we have gotten into an adjusted schedule which includes a new baby but still lots of time for her to spend with mom. 

Big sister is 17 months old and I feel like she is going through her terrible twos already. She is an amazing little girl but has so many big opinions, feelings, emotions and wants. Lying in bed last night I was praying and I realized that all to often we want them to hurry up and get bigger, get more words, behave, not throw fits, be reasonable, we want them to be more grown up than they are. I realized that I want to let her be little, soon enough she will be talking in full sentences, she will be able to tell us what she wants, she will follow rules and learn to listen. In the meantime I want to have patience with her and be her safe place to feel her emotions. To learn how to voice those into words instead of tears and fits. I don't want to get frustrated with her because she's acting like a little toddler. I want to help her to learn, grow and thrive. I want her to know that it's okay for feel and express her emotions and not learn like I did as a child to bottle everything inside. I want to teach her healthy ways to express her frustrations, anger and disappointment. So each morning when I wake up, while I'm lying in bed feeding her brother I pray for the day. I pray for patience that only God can give me to raise my two beautiful children. To nurture them with love and care and not frustration. 

Tonight as I sit here, my daughter is asleep in bed and my son is sleeping on my chest as I type. I know beyond doubt that I am the most blessed mama alive to be blessed with these two. Blessed to have the honor and pleasure of raising them, teaching them and leading them. The single most important job that I will ever have is right here inside my home. Someday they will be all grown up and face the world on their own. Someday they will live in this world without me, but the way that I raise them, teach them and love them will last forever. Through their lives and into the lives of their children. This next year and the years to come will be busy ones. They will have ups and downs and I know that I won't always get it all right. But I take faith in the fact that they will always know that their mom and dad did their best and loved them deeply. 

So here goes life with two littles... to all the moms out their with little kids. I see you. I see your effort, your struggle and the never ending, constant day to day tasks you do that go unnoticed. May we raise our children in the light and instruction of Christ. May they follow the path He sets out before them. Always remember that your children are a precious blessing bestowed upon you for only a short time, so let them be little. 

~KrissElise

She has such a big love for life.

"Officially" A Mom

As I sit here writing tonight I am holding my beautiful, almost two-week-old little girl. It's crazy to me how fast time flies. People keep asking me how it feels to be a mom now.. in my mind I've been a mom for the last 9+ months. From the first ecstatic moment that I found out we were expecting a baby, the first time I got to hear her heartbeat, the look on her daddy's face the first time we got to see her on an ultrasound, feeling her first movements, worrying, praying and watching her grow... to the moment that the doctor walked in the room and told me that in about an hour I would have my baby girl.... it has been the most amazing experience ever.  

I had planned for a natural birth but because of circumstances as I went into labor, the doctor thought it safest for both baby and myself that she come sooner rather than later. I had never been hospitalized before, never had any operations and initially the thought of having a C-section terrified me. But in the moment as I sought out God I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I had amazing doctors and nurses who immediately started all the preparations for surgery and my amazing husband there by my side. 

In the operation room I tried not to think about the fact that I couldn't move the lower half of my body, (Yes, I'm a little claustrophobic) I found it really strange that I couldn't feel myself breathe so it almost felt like I wasn't and the pain medication made me super nauseous. My husband sat right there though and was my focal point. I focused on his face, his eyes as he reassured me that I was doing great. It seemed like only minutes when I heard our baby's first cries. That moment.... there's nothing that can beat that. Seeing your perfect little angel after 9 long months... I cried. Her dad brought her over so I could touch her while they closed my incision. Afterwards, we were taken to a post operation room and our baby girl got some time with her daddy while I was attempting to recover from all the medication. That was the worst part of all. If you've never been super nauseous and vomiting constantly right after having your stomach muscles cut open you cannot imagine... they gave me some medicine to combat nausea and it sort of started working. I got to hold my baby girl and feed her for the first time. 

Right there, watching my newborn baby cling to me, seeing the adoration in my husband's eyes as he held my hand and kissed my forehead I felt completely unworthy. And that's the thing about life. I don't deserve any of this. The amazing life I have, the incredible husband, the beautiful daughter... and yet the Lord of all chose me, handpicked these blessings for me and gave them freely. I realize that being a mom and rasing my child and future children, bringing them up in the Lord will be the most important job I will ever have. 

Later that morning our families came up to visit and during the following couple days while baby and I remained in the hospital we had some friends up. One of the most repetitive questions I am asked is what it's like being a mom. I'm never quite sure how to respond to that as I have a million different emotions. Part of me is terrified that somehow I'll mess up, I'll fail her, but the other part of me feels incredibly grateful to be able to give my little girl all the love in the world. I will make mistakes as a parent but I will do my absolute best to let her know how absolutely adored she is and always will be. I feel so blessed to have a great man who will be and already is an amazing daddy and who has been by my side the entire time. I'm excited that my girl will get to know what it feels like to be close to her dad, loved and cherished. And also I think it will be healing. Opening up new doors and giving her all that I didn't have growing up. Knowing that I can create a safe and loving atmosphere for her to grow up in, to make mistakes, to succeed, to rise and fall, to leave and come back knowing that there's nothing she could ever do to separate her from the love in my heart. 

Being a mom is the best thing ever. I wouldn't change it for the world. The moment she took her first breathe my whole world changed in a way that I will never be able to explain with words. As my baby wakes up to eat for the ten millionth time today, I will leave you with this.... love your children. Love them, adore them, forgive them... because if you wait too long that chance will be gone. Read them a story, get down on the floor, take them to lunch, throw the baseball... spend time with them. Listen to them. Cherish them.

~KrissElise