Reflections On Becoming A Godly Wife

This past month has been a very busy time for our family for many reasons. And it has brought me to ponder our marriage more than ever. This last week I've been studying through Proverbs 31. The question that I've asked myself for years keeps resurfacing. "In a world where half of the people who marry end up divorced, how are we going to stay together?" Now before anybody jump to conclusions... I will tell you why this is a question I ask myself. turn to 1 Peter 5:5 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour." Satan is the enemy of this world, I know that the times that he is able to wreak havoc in our lives is when we become lukewarm in our faith. When we be complacent and think to ourselves, "That would never happen to us." And here's the thing, that could be us, it would be us without the grace and strength that can only come through Christ himself. It is hard for us to admit that we can't do it on our own. But when we come to that realization and humble ourselves to accepting Christ's strength, that is where real marriages can thrive. I don't care who you are, who your spouse is or how long you've been married. Marriage is hard. We can't thrive in the marriage that God intended us to have by leaving him on the back burner. So what, as wives, are we supposed to do? Here are a couple of my thoughts.

God first. Every time. All the time. No matter what. Your husband is second. Even over your kids. I think a lot of people make the mistake of putting their kids first and I believe that is wrong and not beneficial to your children. Kids thrive best in a home where mom and dad are at peace and in love with one another. I will be honest, I haven't and don't always put God first and when I don't I can tell the difference in my mood, how my day flows and how I treat my husband, daughter and others. One of the biggest things we can do for our marriage is be prayer warriors. Being diligent and aware and  taking every worry, every stress, every problem before the cross. We forget the significance and influence we as wives possess and how that either positively or negatively influences our marriage. Studying through Proverbs 31 and what a godly wife looks like is humbling and encouraging. It's also hard. In this world we are taught to be self focused. Do what is best for us etc. etc.. but a godly marriage is not about giving your fifty percent as long as he's giving his fifty percent. No. It's one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. We as wives are not responsible for our husbands actions. We are responsible for our roles as wives before God. To do what we are called to do as no matter what. That's what will make marriage last.

Through doing this study I have found ways I have been living selfishly, areas I can improve. I also find that I get the most peace and joy when I am respecting, loving, honoring and serving my husband. It does not take away from who I am, my time or my life. It brings meaning and happiness to my life. The time I spend on my knees in prayer lifting him up, fighting for our marriage, praying God's blessings over our lives, the things I can do to relieve my husbands stress, to show him love... that's when I feel the happiest in our marriage. When my focus is on God first and then my husband. That's how God intended it to be. We somehow think that we know better and when we focus on ourselves and grumble and complain about our husbands and what they are or aren't doing that somehow it will magically give us a great life or something. Thing is, most people don't genuinely appreciate all the things their husbands do. Honestly there are many days when I don't have a full appreciation of what he does. So much of it goes unseen. We are quick to grumble because he doesn't spend enough time with us, or the kids, or he works too much or not enough, he leaves dishes in the living room, clothes on the floor, falls asleep when he gets home... the list goes on...

Take time to ponder and appreciate what your husband does... I am so thankful for the man I have. Yes, I often pick dirty clothes up off the floor, I clean the bathroom (again) after he shaves, I make him meals, I don't get as much time with him as I'd like (He's just that awesome to be around) and most of the time he's asleep within 2.5 seconds of hitting the pillow at night. That's the time that I am blessed to be able to pray over him. To appreciate all he does. He works hard. Incredibly hard. Balancing different jobs, paying bills, keeping up on house repairs, providing financially so I can stay home to raise our daughter. And every morning he wakes me up with a kiss, he finds time to spend with our daughter and watch a movie with me. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how glad he is that I'm his wife. Sometimes he frustrates me, what husband doesn't? But the truth is at the end of the day I am so appreciative of the amazing godly man, husband and father he is and I'm so incredibly thankful for all that he does for our family. The few things I listed just being the very tip of the iceberg. Even as I'm typing this I realize that I don't tell him often enough what a great husband he is and how much I appreciate all that he does.

So I guess I will end this by challenging all of you wives and future wives, make God FIRST. Yes it's hard. Yes it's difficult. Yes it's painful. But wasn't Jesus dying on the cross worth it? Wasn't his sacrifice bigger than anything we could ever give up? Find daily time to spend in the word. Find other godly wives who you can fellowship and be challenged with. Be a wife of prayer, fighting for you husband, your marriage and your children. Put your husband second. Learn what that means and what an honor it is to respect, love and serve him regardless of his actions. Pray for him. That is the most powerful thing you can do for him. Dig into Proverbs 31 and find out how it applies to you today. We all have 24 hours in a day, only YOU get to decide how you are going to use them. And someday we will stand before our almighty God, our loving Father and give an accord for how we spent our time and who or what we gave the biggest priority of our life to. Choose to be a wife who honors God and your husband. Today.

~KrissElise

*The study I am going through is a book called "Proverbs 31 Wife Handbook" by Lara Velez. It's a 26 day devotional digging into Proverbs 31  and how it applies today. It goes over a verse or two a day, some thoughts on it, a love challenge toward your husband and an area to write and reflect.

Reflecting On My Love

This morning I sit out here breathing in the beautiful Montana air. It's my quiet time, time with God, time to write, time to reflect. My husband is off to another ten hour day of work and that's where I find my mind wandering. To the man that just a few short months ago stood at the alter and promised his love to me. The man who I believe is the greatest in the world. I don't post about him all the time on social media, he's not my mcm on instagram, you don't see a million pictures of us making out... because most of the time I like to keep what we have between us, the sacredness of it hidden away not splayed for the world to see, comment or like. But sometimes I'm so overwhelmed, so moved that I must write, and I must share with you all what a good husband is like. 

My husband is not perfect. He is human. He makes mistakes. He gets frustrated. He is my hero. When God handpicked him out for me, he knew he was the perfect one for me to grow with for the rest of my life. We have already come so far in our relationship and marriage in such a short time and a lot of that is due to the amazing man my husband is. 

In January we are expecting our first child, we couldn't be more excited! With that being said... pregnancy is not always easy. Here's the thing that a lot of people forget though and I've been guilty of it myself. People tend to focus on how hard it is for the woman, how much it affects her. You never hear of how hard it is for the husband. He has dealt with the crazy mood swings, the extreme fatigue when all I wanted to do was sleep. He's been so patient and kind throughout me crying over little things, or not knowing why I'm crying at all. He's the one who is constantly there to reassure me, to calm my racing mind. He's been a champ throughout the whole time I've felt sick and moody. Always checking in to see how I'm feeling and what he can do for me. Reminding me that I'm beautiful when I don't feel like it. Reminding me of all I do for our family when I feel like all I've done was lay on the couch. A lot of guys don't know how to deal with a pregnant woman or can't and remain a little distant. Not mine, he's been right there through each week. He loves our baby and I think that is the most precious thing. Many times it is hard for the dad to bond with and unborn child, sometimes even for the mom but to see his love, to hear him ask about the baby, or talk to the baby who can't even hear yet.... makes me want to cry. My child is going to be so lucky to have such an amazing dad. 

All the while he's working long hours to provide for us, spending his time off fixing things around the house, preparing for the baby, taking care of the yard, and still making time to spend with me. Then on Sunday we go worship God together with other believers and every week, I'm reminded of how blessed I am. There are truly no words to describe all that he does for me, all that he is, all that he wants to do. He supports me, he is patient, kind, gentle... he wants to give me the world, but he doesn't realize that he is my world. 

Take a moment this week to reflect and ponder on all the things that your husband does that often go unappreciated and unnoticed. Thank him for it. Remind him of how much he means to you and how lucky you are to be his wife. 

I waited on God, and he gave me a man better than all my dreams. 

~KrissElise

Five things I've learned in the first month of my marriage.

1. If you strive for a godly marriage, Satan will fight you. To put it simply.... when we strive towards God, we threaten Satan. He wants to distract us from God's will. He wants to break apart marriages, create mistrust and doubt. And I've come to find out in the short time that I have been engaged and married that it will come in the ways you least expect it. It will come out of the blue. Don't be surprised. Be ready.

2. A strong prayer life is essential. (If you don't have one, now is a great time to start.) It's actually a great part of what brought my husband and I together, kept us together and will keep us together for the rest of our lives on earth. Prayer is kind of like wifi, except more powerful. Wifi connects us to other people, the world, Google (what would we do without Google? or Siri) It connects businesses, social networking, shopping, now days you can pretty much do anything online. Adopt a dog, ship animals overseas or find a life partner. But prayer is a connection to the all-powerful, all-knowing, almighty God. Through prayer people are healed, lives are changed, marriages saved, hearts won for Christ.... the list goes on. It's powerful because its a straight connection that we have as sons and daughters to our Abba Father. Through the good and the bad, joyful and heartbreaking, prayer is a solid foundation that ties us together and to God. It's a place we can turn when all hope seems lost, when we are needing help, grace, love, comfort and simply when we are overwhelmed with gratitude.

3. Communication is key. It doesn't matter what you are doing in life. If you are doing it with other people than communicate, communicate, communicate cannot be said enough. It's something that can be hard for me because I grew up independent. Into my teen and early adult years I was my own person, made my own decisions. I watched out for myself because I realized nobody else was going to. I was used to doing things my own way and keeping much to myself. Now I have to constantly work on making sure I am communicating with my husband. Though it's a struggle sometimes, the more we communicate the stronger our marriage is and the closer together we are to each other.

4. You are never alone. (He's always watching you) Haha, I'm kidding. Mostly. ;) When I married my best friend I didn't fully understand what that meant. I'm not sure I do even now. It means I will always have somebody in my corner. I have somebody who will always have my back, wipe away my tears and pick me up when I fall down. I have somebody to make sure I eat, don't step on glass walking outside barefoot and don't run out of gas in my car. Somebody to talk to, be a listening ear, hold me and keep me warm on a rainy day. A shelter from life's blows and a partner to overcome every challenge with. One to share memories, joys and holidays. Somebody to pester, annoy and joke with. I can't even begin to describe what it feels like to know that I'll never be alone. What it's like to wake up in the morning and start the day with somebody by my side and to fall asleep with at night. 

5. Marriage is like life. Mixed up, crazy, and one hell of a ride. But it's so much more than worth it. It won't be like you imagined, dreamed or expected. But you learn as you go, you trust God, you love and you make memories and create a life together.

6. Yes I said five but this one is too good to pass up. Social media is overrated. The person who used to be an avid Facebook user faded into the unknown. Why? Because when you are watching a movie with your husband or out on a date, you don't really care if Facebook knows what movie you are watching or where you are eating. That picture you snapped of your handsome husband playing guitar... you suddenly feel like you want to keep that moment private between the two of you, tucked away in a box of photos to reminisce over one day or show to your kids. Life becomes much more private, special and intimate. Yes, I will brag about how great my husband is once in awhile but you won't see tons of cutesy pictures, he won't be my man crush Monday, there won't be long drawn out posts weekly about all he's done because I will be too busy telling him. Don't get me wrong, if we are out to coffee and you ask how he is, I won't miss a chance to tell about how great he is. But as good as social media can be, it's cheapening relationships, stealing intimacy and turning the words we should be telling our spouse into little paragraphs online for our hundreds of friends to see and like, stealing the special moment that otherwise might have been shared between two people and captured into a memory. 

So there you go. Short post. A few things about what I've learned in this journey so far. I am so excited to see where the next month, year, decade take us. What I learn and how God shows up. Aside from asking Christ into my heart, marrying my best friend is the best decision I have ever made. I don't regret it for a moment. I would love to hear in the comments what you've learned during your marriage. 

In Christ, KrissElise

Serve In Love

    One of the books I've been reading through recently to strengthen my marriage is called Marriage Matters by Winston T. Smith. It's a great book written on the foundation of God's word. Winston tells it like it is. This section really stood out to me as I read it and I wanted to share it with all of you.

 Honor Considers How to Build You Up
     Love isn't about getting your spouse to fill your sense of need. Jack Miller offers a great definition of what it means to serve one another in love: "Practically it means to labor to make others successful." Love involves your effort to make your spouse successful. What does it mean to be successful? 
     Recall that being made in the image of God means you have a destiny. As we've learned, you were created to mature and grow to be more like God, Have you ever looked at your spouse and considered that he or she was made to be a picture of God here on earth? Sin has done a lot to make it difficult for us to see that image in each other at times. Understanding that it's your job to shine and polish that image is one way to think about what it means to love your spouse,. When you're in tune with the fact that you stand before an image bearer and child of the almighty God, it's hard to see that person as an object that exists for your purposes. C.S. Lewis explained the weightiness of this reality and the obligations it brings this way:

     "It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people, You have never talked to a mere mortal."  

     Love practically means to labor to make your spouse successful. Wow. That is so true but a point that we can tend to pass over in life and marriage. One thing that this made me contemplate is the two drastically different choices we have. To build up or to tear down. To draw closer or to push away. To many wives the chores of home life become mundane. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, more dishes, caring for kids and/or pets, shopping, budgeting, go to bed just to get up and repeat. It can become tiring and never ending sometimes. I am blessed that God has drawn me to seek joy in the mundane. This section out of this book reminded me of another reason I do what I do. Because of love. When I cook dinner, serve my husband lunch, clean the house, fold the laundry... I'm telling him I love him in one of the best ways I know how. I am laboring to help him succeed. It makes his job and life easier and happier when he has home cooked meals and things around the home are taken care of. It helps him succeed as a husband. If he came home to the house trashed, three day old dishes in the sink, no clean laundry and no food, it would make it more difficult for him to fulfill his role as a husband. 

     Likewise, as he labors to love me, it helps me to succeed as a wife. When I can count on him to be there to fix things when they break, to provide a roof over our heads, it makes my job easier because I have less to worry about. When the car needs repairs, the pipes are frozen or I'm overwhelmed I can count on him and he helps me succeed. We've actually had several instances lately where he chose to react giving in love which drew us closer together instead of choosing himself and creating a barrier.

     A perfect example would be the time recently that our puppy Jake, woke up in the middle of the night and would not go back to sleep. I'd taken him outside, played with him, gave him water and tried to get him to go to sleep to no avail. I was particularly frustrated and emotional that night and Travis woke up to me crying. It would have been perfectly reasonable for him to tell me I was crazy, overemotional, being silly, but he didn't, instead he lovingly told me to go to sleep, that he would take care of the dog. That was a choice he made to serve in love. And in that 2am moment my heart grew just a tad fonder of the man that I fell in love with. 

   One other example before I end this post would be the time recently that we were meeting two other couples for a movie date night. He'd worked all day and part of the night, and was frustrated when circumstances ended up with us being late to head to the movie. Then the car headlights were glitching out and in the moment he spoke to me in a frustrated tone of voice. I don't deal well with people being upset, frustrated or mad and I tend to blame myself for anything that goes wrong. We were finally headed to the movie, him frustrated and me in tears. Now anybody who has been married for a time knows that this is part of life, it happens. And again, there are two different ways people can respond. Me, I knew he was just frustrated and didn't intend to snap at me. He assured me that it wasn't my fault and that he wasn't mad at me and we went to the movie, had a great time. I totally forgot about it. Later after we got home my amazing husband came to me and apologized for snapping at me and making me cry. Again, bringing us closer together instead of pushing us apart. My respect and admiration for him moved to another level. There is something absolutely admirable about a man coming to his wife and apologizing when he feels he has wronged her. That's one of the things I love most about him, the way he is always thoughtful and aware of his actions and how they impact me. He chooses to speak with grace and encouragement and is not afraid to man up and say sorry when needed. We need more men, husbands and fathers like him in this world. All I know, is I am the most lucky, blessed woman alive to spend my life with this man. I can see God smiling down on him, proud of the man he is and is becoming. 

    So if you take one thing out of this post, let it be this. Husbands, wives, remember, your actions and your words show your spouse how much you value and love them. The way your react, the way you choose to show up is very important to the intimacy of your relationship. Every word, every action, ever act of labor, every time you react, you are either speaking life or taking away. Be a spouse that chooses to give life and you will see your marriage thrive in ways that are unspeakable. 

Keep striving in faith and never give up.

In Christ's Love, KrissElise