Last Sunday at church we sang a song I've heard a million times. Nobody Loves Me Like You by Chris Tomlin. There's a verse in there that says, "I could have had a really different story, but you came down from heaven to restore me, forever saved my life". It really struck me.
I have an amazing life. A loving, godly husband and two gorgeous kiddos with another on the way. We have everything we need plus some. Parents who love me and are incredible grandparents to my children. A million different siblings each with our own connection. But it wasn't always this way....
My story could have been really different. My childhood was filled with trauma, 13 years old had me depressed, and ready to leave this world behind. 13 years old I was going to cut through my blood veins. I wanted the emotional/spiritual pain I was in to end and I wanted everyone to know how much pain they had put me through to bring me to the point of bleeding out on my bedroom floor. That's where Jesus came and filled me. Where I met him face to face and asked him to come into my life.
18 years old found me without a home, alone, lost, abandoned, severe anxiety, depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. That's when God brought two people into my life who would drastically change the direction of my story. Away from a road of darkness and defeat towards the light and love that I could find as a Child of God's.
Sometimes being years away now from those really dark days it's easy to forget, easy to forget how dark it was and how much time, effort and love my adoptive parents poured into me. Years of it. The other day my dad was going through letters from me, apparently he keeps ALL of them. He ran across the envelope of razor blades that I gave him when we were working through things, when I knew I knew I couldn't keep them anymore. Really took me back and reminded me of how incredibly grateful I am for all the little ways God worked in my life and all the people he brought to cross my path to bring me to where I am today.
I used to hide my struggles, my pain, my past. I used to be ashamed of the things I did to cope with the trauma and pain but not anymore, I know that when things are brought to the light it gives shame and Satan no place to hide. I also know that there are others out there with stories like mine. I want you to know that you aren't alone. You aren't too broken. You aren't unlovable. Knowing my story could help even one person have hope or find help is why I continue to share it.
We have the power to change our story. To say this is NOT how it will end. My life changed. So could yours. If you are struggling, reach out to me. I've been there.
~Kriss Brewer
