I'm Just A Child

(Written through the eyes of my daughter)

I’m brand new to this world,

But I have something to say to you,

A plea of sorts from my little heart to yours,

Right now, all I know is love,

Mommy and Daddy fight all my battles,

They make all my decisions and tend to all my needs,

All I know is love and family who adores me,

One day though I’ll grow up,

We all know how that time goes way too quick,

I’ll find out about you… I’ll wonder where you are,

I won’t understand the turmoil, pain or fights,

Or why mommy and you don’t get along,

It will all be confusion in my young mind,

I will wonder if I mattered to you, why you never met me,

I won’t understand what kept you away,

Or even really know who you are,

That’s why today I’ll simply ask you this,

Remember, I’m just a child,

All I know is love,

I won’t understand why you aren’t here, why you never met me,

No matter how you try to explain it someday when I’m all grown up,

It will never be clear in my mind, I’ll always have questions,

I’ll always wonder where you were,

I don’t care who is wrong or who is right,

I’ll never know what happened ten years in the past,

I am your chance to start brand new,

Your chance to dig down and pull out the love you have,

I could be the start of a whole new world,

One in which we could all be near,

But I’m little and you are big,

You are the one who gets to decide the future,

Please remember, I’m just a child,

I’m your granddaughter, your niece, your family line,

I have your blood running through my veins,

I wonder if I have any of your features,

Or what we’d have in common,

I wonder what life would be like if the past was set aside,

But I’m just a child and it’s not for me to decide,

The future will play out as big people make choices,

Just remember, those choices affect me, and you…

Please think hard, don’t let more time slip by without me,

This is my plea to you, give me a chance, a chance to know you,
To love and be loved by you...

~KrissElise

And... Life Keeps Changing!

It's been a bit since I've blogged last, and since then our life has taken a new turn. We are expecting our first child in January! We couldn't be more excited to start our family! Thankfully in the terms of pregnancy, I have gotten by relatively easy so far. In two weeks we have our 17-week checkup and should be able to find out if we are welcoming a little boy or a little girl into the world. I have to say these last couple months have been a challenge and a growing experience. As for my husband, he has been incredible. I could not be more blessed to have such a patient, gentle, loving man walking through life and pregnancy with me. He's dealt with me crying for no reason (which he still doesn't understand) mood swings, fatigue, nausea and the list goes on with more gentleness and love than I could have ever expected. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the amazing father my child has even before he or she is born.


I've served in ministry in many ways, from cleaning the church, being a youth leader and going on mission trips overseas and now, I realize my greatest mission of all is just beginning. Teaching, leading and raising my children to be godly followers of Christ. It terrifies me and excites me all at once. In fact in church last Sunday I was overwhelmed to the point of tears when we were singing the hymn "Pour it Out" I've heard the song before but in that moment the depth of it really hit me.

"Oh the depths of Your mercy
That saves a wretch like me
And the waves of forgiveness
Your blood that covers me

Pour it out
Pour it out

Oh the weight of Your glory
That brings me to my knees
And the power of Your presence
That heals and sets me free

I will worship I will love You
I will lift You up
Give You honor praise and glory
I will pour it out"

It was kind of like seeing my life flash before my eyes, the depths of His mercy, the waves of His forgiveness, the weight of glory, the power of His presence.... all which set me free. I saw who I was as a teenager, one who was deemed hopeless. A victim of sexual assault, bitter at the world, a girl with a rough past, confused and alone, headed down the wrong path... my life should have spiraled downhill, but for mercy and grace. Jesus stepped in, he sent me guardian angels in the form of a family, to help me navigate through life and onto a better road. I only needed a taste of that... a taste of the love, freedom, grace, mercy, forgiveness... and it was water to a parched soul, like none other I'd ever tasted. This water promised life. A beautiful, thriving life. I set my eyes on that and never looked back.

I could have followed who people told me I was, I could have fallen into being a "victim", I could have stayed on the path I was on, let myself be defined by the past, by my mistakes, by the mistakes of my childhood parents. I could have followed any path, but for the strength in which I possess through Christ.... here I am.

Married to the man of my dreams, the man God chose for me years ago, living a full and thriving life, growing daily in my relationship with Christ. I am surrounded by family who loves me, and I'm preparing to welcome my child into this world. I am excited about life, the future, becoming a better wife and being a mom. My past, it has no hold over me, it does not define who I am or who I can become. Did it take me time and struggles to get her? Yes. But I am living proof that God can take a broken, shattered life and make it whole and beautiful. No matter how rough your past, how deep the pit, how broken and messed up you think you are, a life is never too far gone for God to redeem to recreate into a beautiful masterpiece.

I am overwhelmed, brought to my knees in humble gratitude, honor, and adoration for my Abba Father, for my Lord. He is my life, my every breath, I owe all to him. 

~Kriss Elise

Our beautiful baby at 12 weeks