Healing In The Making

 Moments like this make me happy. Deep happiness. Healing happiness... 

I love watching my husband spend little moments with our daughter like this. Something simple, he made cookies with her. She is such a Daddy's girl and has had him wrapped all around her little finger since the day she was born.

Growing up I didn't get that experience. I have no memories of being little and having these experiences with my biological dad. I have one picture of me sitting on his lap. I used to look at that constantly and try and try to figure things out, wondering if he ever felt about me like a daddy should. I still have no answer. There is lots of pain still tucked away from my past that unfolds with each year as things change but watching my daughter grow with what I never had heals something deep inside of me.

It's kind of a funny thing how that works, how having kids and giving them what we didn't have can heal a brokenness inside, can heal the scars and grow new happiness, joy and memories. 

Here's to watching my daughter grow up with the best Daddy in the world!

~Kriss Elise

Reflections On Becoming A Godly Wife

This past month has been a very busy time for our family for many reasons. And it has brought me to ponder our marriage more than ever. This last week I've been studying through Proverbs 31. The question that I've asked myself for years keeps resurfacing. "In a world where half of the people who marry end up divorced, how are we going to stay together?" Now before anybody jump to conclusions... I will tell you why this is a question I ask myself. turn to 1 Peter 5:5 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour." Satan is the enemy of this world, I know that the times that he is able to wreak havoc in our lives is when we become lukewarm in our faith. When we be complacent and think to ourselves, "That would never happen to us." And here's the thing, that could be us, it would be us without the grace and strength that can only come through Christ himself. It is hard for us to admit that we can't do it on our own. But when we come to that realization and humble ourselves to accepting Christ's strength, that is where real marriages can thrive. I don't care who you are, who your spouse is or how long you've been married. Marriage is hard. We can't thrive in the marriage that God intended us to have by leaving him on the back burner. So what, as wives, are we supposed to do? Here are a couple of my thoughts.

God first. Every time. All the time. No matter what. Your husband is second. Even over your kids. I think a lot of people make the mistake of putting their kids first and I believe that is wrong and not beneficial to your children. Kids thrive best in a home where mom and dad are at peace and in love with one another. I will be honest, I haven't and don't always put God first and when I don't I can tell the difference in my mood, how my day flows and how I treat my husband, daughter and others. One of the biggest things we can do for our marriage is be prayer warriors. Being diligent and aware and  taking every worry, every stress, every problem before the cross. We forget the significance and influence we as wives possess and how that either positively or negatively influences our marriage. Studying through Proverbs 31 and what a godly wife looks like is humbling and encouraging. It's also hard. In this world we are taught to be self focused. Do what is best for us etc. etc.. but a godly marriage is not about giving your fifty percent as long as he's giving his fifty percent. No. It's one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. We as wives are not responsible for our husbands actions. We are responsible for our roles as wives before God. To do what we are called to do as no matter what. That's what will make marriage last.

Through doing this study I have found ways I have been living selfishly, areas I can improve. I also find that I get the most peace and joy when I am respecting, loving, honoring and serving my husband. It does not take away from who I am, my time or my life. It brings meaning and happiness to my life. The time I spend on my knees in prayer lifting him up, fighting for our marriage, praying God's blessings over our lives, the things I can do to relieve my husbands stress, to show him love... that's when I feel the happiest in our marriage. When my focus is on God first and then my husband. That's how God intended it to be. We somehow think that we know better and when we focus on ourselves and grumble and complain about our husbands and what they are or aren't doing that somehow it will magically give us a great life or something. Thing is, most people don't genuinely appreciate all the things their husbands do. Honestly there are many days when I don't have a full appreciation of what he does. So much of it goes unseen. We are quick to grumble because he doesn't spend enough time with us, or the kids, or he works too much or not enough, he leaves dishes in the living room, clothes on the floor, falls asleep when he gets home... the list goes on...

Take time to ponder and appreciate what your husband does... I am so thankful for the man I have. Yes, I often pick dirty clothes up off the floor, I clean the bathroom (again) after he shaves, I make him meals, I don't get as much time with him as I'd like (He's just that awesome to be around) and most of the time he's asleep within 2.5 seconds of hitting the pillow at night. That's the time that I am blessed to be able to pray over him. To appreciate all he does. He works hard. Incredibly hard. Balancing different jobs, paying bills, keeping up on house repairs, providing financially so I can stay home to raise our daughter. And every morning he wakes me up with a kiss, he finds time to spend with our daughter and watch a movie with me. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how glad he is that I'm his wife. Sometimes he frustrates me, what husband doesn't? But the truth is at the end of the day I am so appreciative of the amazing godly man, husband and father he is and I'm so incredibly thankful for all that he does for our family. The few things I listed just being the very tip of the iceberg. Even as I'm typing this I realize that I don't tell him often enough what a great husband he is and how much I appreciate all that he does.

So I guess I will end this by challenging all of you wives and future wives, make God FIRST. Yes it's hard. Yes it's difficult. Yes it's painful. But wasn't Jesus dying on the cross worth it? Wasn't his sacrifice bigger than anything we could ever give up? Find daily time to spend in the word. Find other godly wives who you can fellowship and be challenged with. Be a wife of prayer, fighting for you husband, your marriage and your children. Put your husband second. Learn what that means and what an honor it is to respect, love and serve him regardless of his actions. Pray for him. That is the most powerful thing you can do for him. Dig into Proverbs 31 and find out how it applies to you today. We all have 24 hours in a day, only YOU get to decide how you are going to use them. And someday we will stand before our almighty God, our loving Father and give an accord for how we spent our time and who or what we gave the biggest priority of our life to. Choose to be a wife who honors God and your husband. Today.

~KrissElise

*The study I am going through is a book called "Proverbs 31 Wife Handbook" by Lara Velez. It's a 26 day devotional digging into Proverbs 31  and how it applies today. It goes over a verse or two a day, some thoughts on it, a love challenge toward your husband and an area to write and reflect.

She Calls Him Daddy

Not just anybody would hear that five letter word,
It was one tucked deep down inside,
Set apart for somebody more than special,
And guarded with the utmost care,

It had to be for somebody she could trust,
Not only with her life but with her heart and soul,
One who could know her past,
All the mistakes and failures,
But love her all the same,
He had to be able to let her cry, let her scream
Let her go, yet hold her tight,

Not just anyone would do,
He'd have to understand a broken girl,
See the cracks and all the dirt,
She was a victim of wrong,
But had the heart of a fighter,
He would need to have incredible patience,
And make lots of time,

Nights he'd wait up for her to get home,
And at least once he'd have to track her down,
Days he'd have to let her make choices,
Some when he would have to for her,
He'd have to be her solid ground, 
Her safe place when she was scared,

It would be him to spend hours and hours of time,
Helping her deal with and heal from pain,
That was inflicted upon her by others,
He'd be woken up at three in the morning,
And stay up til way too late, because she needed him,
He would go through stuff that no father should,
Deal with things in her life that he had no clue how,
He would be the strong one when she was weak,

Most of all he would be the reflection of Jesus,
The godly example of how to walk through life,
He'd need hours of time to spend sharing wisdom,
Leading her in life, gently yet persistently,
He'd stand up for wrong, even when he stood alone,
Leading her always, back to the cross on her knees,
Pointing her once again to the King,

So this had to be a special guy,
One she thought only existed in her dreams,
But then God chose one out of millions,
He gave him all the qualifications required,
And then He crossed his path with hers,

In the years following he proved he earned the title,
He done so much more than what was required,
Just because he loved her, and that would never change,
To this day, he lives out his faith, 
Shows her every day just how much he loves her,
And so she calls him Daddy.

~KrissElise

Daddy

God Answers Prayers Even in the Most Desperate Times

So Monday morning at 5:00am we headed out to hike 11 miles to Ingomar Lake up Sawtooth Creek. Our plan was to camp at the lake Monday and Tuesday night and come back late Wednesday or early Thursday afternoon. We got a good start. Sawtooth trail was better maintained then we thought it would be. We made fairly good time considering we were carrying 40 lb backpacks. By the time we crossed the third creek crossing it was nearing 3:00. We took a break and pushed on the the spot another mile and a half or so up where we cut off trail crossed the creek and begun the several hour ascent up to what we thought was going to be Ingomar Lake. The downfall was worse than we thought. It took us awhile trying lots of different paths over the rough terrain, all the downed trees, rocks and bushes. Some places it was impossible to get through especially with our heavy packs that we had to move towards and alternate route. Josh was worried about getting too far right and missing the lake, I was worried about going too far left and running into dead fall that would be impossible to get through. We were pushing it to get to the top by dark. As we neared the top we realized we were not where we thought we were. Looking at the map we realized we were actually on the left side of the lake with a cliff in between us. We decided that the best thing would be to set up a makeshift camp where we were kind of at the top of the really steep stuff at a kind of flat area. We started a fire and set up our sleeping bags. We figured we'd stay the night there and in the morning we would head down around the west cliff and find the lake. That was about 7:45pm and it was completely dark by then. My stomach had started to hurt and I thought it was probably because I hadn't eaten enough to compensate for the calories I burned. So I ate some high calorie food and we sat by the fire for awhile, Josh cooked hamburgers and I tried to not focus on the pain. Around 9:30ish I decided I needed to take acetaminophen and try to sleep it off cause it was steadily getting worse. The next few hours I tossed and turned trying to lay in a position where it wouldn't hurt as much. Around 11:00 or 12:00 Josh asked if he should start a fire if maybe it would help if I sat up. I didn't know. He got up and started a fire and I decided I could take more pain killer but by the time he got it out of my pack the pain was so intense I was throwing up and knew it wouldn't help if I couldn't keep it down. Josh really started getting worried then and we sat for a little bit trying to decide whether it was more dangerous to try to head down through all that dead fall in the dark or to stay and do nothing. We decided we needed to try to head down the mountain. I sat by the fire while he packed up. He took some of the heavier items out of my pack and put them in his to make mine lighter. By the time we left camp it was 2:00 in the morning. It was really slow going because I needed to stop every ten feet or so because it hurt so much. I think we made it about 45 minutes before I laid down against a rock and was throwing up again. I told Josh I didn't think I could do this. He was really scared by then I could tell though he was trying to keep his cool. That's when we started playing our options out. Josh could go for search and rescue, but to get a signal to call out would be at least an hour and a half down through the dead fall and eight miles back down the trail. By the time search and rescue would be able to find me up there it might be too late. We had no idea how serious this was. So the decision we made at that point in time was to ditch a bunch of our gear so Josh could take both of our backpacks and see if we could make it down to the trail if I didn't have my pack. Where he could carry me out. We stayed at that place for a little bit while he figured out what we needed to take and what we could leave and I tried to catch my breath from the pain and get a little bit of energy to move. Josh asked me if there was anything I wanted. All I could think of is I wanted the pain to stop and I wanted Ken, I just wanted to feel my dad's arms around me one more time and feel like everything was gonna be okay. Neither of those could he give me though. At that point lying on that rock it hurt so bad and I felt so completely weak that the thought crossed my mind that dying would be okay because I didn't think we were gonna make it back and I just wanted the pain to stop. I asked Josh to give me my Bible which held a picture of Gavin I put in there the day before we left. I held it against me and thought about my family at home. At that moment I felt so overwhelmed with the power of their love for me that I knew we had to get out. We pushed on towards the cliff to the east knowing that if he needed to go out for help it would be easier to find me again if I was near there. We got into a rock field and went a little while across that. It was raining and it made the rocks slippery and twice as hard. I sat down on a rock and told Josh that I couldn't go further. We were both just sitting there crying out to God. Asking for His protection and mercy, for the pain to stop and to make it out alive. There was no way I could go farther. It would be hours before we even got down to the trail. The pain eased up a little while I was sitting there so we decided to put our sleeping bags under a tree and try to rest before moving on. I clutched the picture of Gavin close and lay there listening to the rain fall on the tarp over the top of us. I prayed until I fell asleep at some point. When we woke up the pain was gone. We continued down the mountain and had a fire at the trail to dry everything out and then headed the 10 miles out to the truck. When we got in cell service I called home and talked to Dale. Hearing a voice from home gave me the energy to go on the last five miles and I wanted to make sure they weren't worrying too much and knew that we were on our way out. I have never been so happy to see the truck as I was Tuesday night as we got to the trail head and it was turning dusk. We have not found out why I had the pain but I know God has His reasons. He protected us and answered our prayers. It's in times like that, when you are way out in the middle of nowhere, think you might be dying that God can show Himself most powerful. I am continually thankful that He got us out and was blessed to be in the arms of my family last night. Makes me want to never, ever take them for granted. And then while we were sitting around the kitchen table and I was telling them what happened Ken told me what was going on at home while I was out there...

"Monday evening (8 o'clock ish) I began to feel unsettled. Sometime between 9 and 9:30 pm Dale and I heard three loud knocks at the front door. Dale asked if we were expecting anyone. (Which is kind of interesting because it's not odd for somebody to show up at that time) I opened the door but no one was there. At the same time I had a very strong growth feeling that something was wrong and went downstairs and told Elli that we needed to pray. As we prayed the feeling slowly passed." ~Ken         

I was blown away by that. God told Ken to pray. Josh and I were praying. God answered our prayers. I don't know what happened up there or how life-threatening the situation was but I truly believe even more now that God answers prayers and that he provided protection for us. Maybe there is some reason we weren't supposed to get to the lake because before we left there were many people who expressed deep concern to me about us going and that isn't normal when we go out. And then we ended up in the wrong spot. Then when we thought we could get there the next morning I got the stomach pain. That's the only thing that would have kept us from continuing on. Either way. Whatever happened up there I know a couple things for sure. God is deeply involved in our lives. He is almighty and powerful. He cares for His children. And I am deeply loved. I see that now more than ever before. When we pray God works. I am just amazed by his presence and the way he works in our lives. May all glory and honor forever be His and His alone. Thank You God. ~Kriss

I held this picture the whole time. It gave me a reason to keep going.

 

This is what we were hiking in when we left the trail. This is what we were trying to come 

down through at 2:00am in the dark and snowy/rain.