You Walked Across The Room

We often like to dream,

Of how we might change the world,

Do something great, make an impact,

Save a life, change a direction,

A dramatic moment in time,

You follow God so closely,

Listen to His nudging without second thought,

You didn’t even know when that moment was,

It was normal for you, you do it every day,

It all happened when you walked across the room,

A 30 second encounter,

Five simple words in a question my life would hang on,

One quick hug to a random stranger,

You told her that she was loved

But it was more than that,

God used you in that moment,

To shine hope and love into my dark world,

Saving my life countless times over,

Not only that,

But you started a chain reaction,

Breaking a cycle,

Generations of brokeness and disfunction,

You changed things not only for me,

But for generations below me,

Now you have another daughter,

My children have a loving grandpa,

I have a godly husband,

Found healing from my past in Jesus,

I know who I am in Christ,

All because you listened,

When God gave you that little nudge,

And you walked across the room.

~Kriss Brewer 

November 2021

Even Though... God Is...

Even though...

Their words cut like shrapnel,

The blows didn’t cease,

Tears overflowed endless buckets,

The dark seemed so much bigger than the light,

My future looked hopeless and bleak,

God was still faithful...

He was still there,

Though I couldn’t see Him,

He never left my side,

Drawing me nearer to Him through all the pain,

Even though...

I tried to get help and was turned away,

Sent back to the prison I so bravely escaped,

Those who should have stepped in, stepped out instead,

Right back to life with a gun to my head,

The cops failed, They looked the other way,

DHS didn’t do their job, we fell through the cracks,

God is good...

He protected me,

Held me under his wing,

Drawing me to a saving relationship,

Showing me the love of a Father,

Adopting me as a child,

Even though…

The dark years were so long,

As I was finally on my own,

Yet didn’t know what a real life was like,

Many nights driving back roads,

Wondering what it would be like,

To drive off the edge for nobody to find,

God was there…

He kept that little light at the end of the tunnel,

Kept my steering wheel straight on the road,

Through the years of blood and pain,

The depression and anxiety,

Bad thoughts and dangerous addictions,

God lifted me, He raised me up,

Even though…

I didn’t deserve an ounce of His love,

His goodness, mercy or grace,

He redeemed me, brought me out of my suffering,

In due time blessed me with all I could desire,

Healed the brokenness, restored my soul,

God is holy, almighty, He is GOOD.

When times are rough sometimes we wonder where he is,

We wonder why He let us go through hard times and pain,

All the what ifs or could have beens,

But all in his timing, all in his plan that one day I will understand…

God used my pain for healing, He is using it to reach others,

In all of life… God still is who He is…He is good. Even though life circumstances will be hard.

~Kriss Elise

A Childhood Full Of Memories

I have no idea where you are in life these days,

It's been years since I've caught a glimpse of you around town,

Even longer since I sat down at a table across from you and talked,

But tonight I sit here and remember all the memories,

Gosh they seem so long ago, like another life,

It feels like I'm living the memories that belong to someone else,

All the years we spent growing up together, inseparable,

A childhood full of memories,

All of my happy memories as a kid belong with you,

Even all the fights we had, the make ups, 

Hours spent at night outside just because we didn't want to go in,

You were my best friend. You were my only friend.

There was nobody I really opened up to, nobody who knew my soul,

But you came the closest, you knew me deeper than anyone who lived,

From early on wherever I would be found, you weren't far away,

You were the one who I called when I was scared,

Brother you were the hero in my story,

Even in the hardest years of my life, my teens,

You were there, we played a fantasy life made of stories better than our own,

That was my greatest escape from reality,

Hiking and trapesing the mountain side, 

Spending nights beneath the stars in the cold winter night,

Then something I never thought would happen, happened,

An invisible enemy ripped through our world and tore you away from me,

Out of my hands, out of my grasp, out of my life,

I still grieve that loss, I grieve that loss because you aren't gone,

You are still here, but you aren't mine,

I watch my children and I wonder what it would be like,

The joy and fun they would have with you in their life,

I think of the bond they would be creating with you if you were here,

How much they would love you, how they would take you back,

Five years old playing in the creek,

Part of me feels numb, unmoved, unfeeling, 

But really it's just protecting the cracks that run through part of my life,

The part where you should be, the brother, the uncle, the adventurer,

You may never read this, it probably won't affect a thing,

But in case you ever wonder how I feel,

I miss you. I love you. I pray one day I'll hug you again this side of heaven,

I pray that my kids would have the chance to meet you, 

To know you, to love you like I do, 

Create memories that they would carry with them,

Pass down generations,

I pray one day those cracks would be restored,

Until then.... I pray that God watches over you, brings you peace and brings you back into my part of the world, over to my side of town. 

~Kriss Elise

 

I'm Just A Child

(Written through the eyes of my daughter)

I’m brand new to this world,

But I have something to say to you,

A plea of sorts from my little heart to yours,

Right now, all I know is love,

Mommy and Daddy fight all my battles,

They make all my decisions and tend to all my needs,

All I know is love and family who adores me,

One day though I’ll grow up,

We all know how that time goes way too quick,

I’ll find out about you… I’ll wonder where you are,

I won’t understand the turmoil, pain or fights,

Or why mommy and you don’t get along,

It will all be confusion in my young mind,

I will wonder if I mattered to you, why you never met me,

I won’t understand what kept you away,

Or even really know who you are,

That’s why today I’ll simply ask you this,

Remember, I’m just a child,

All I know is love,

I won’t understand why you aren’t here, why you never met me,

No matter how you try to explain it someday when I’m all grown up,

It will never be clear in my mind, I’ll always have questions,

I’ll always wonder where you were,

I don’t care who is wrong or who is right,

I’ll never know what happened ten years in the past,

I am your chance to start brand new,

Your chance to dig down and pull out the love you have,

I could be the start of a whole new world,

One in which we could all be near,

But I’m little and you are big,

You are the one who gets to decide the future,

Please remember, I’m just a child,

I’m your granddaughter, your niece, your family line,

I have your blood running through my veins,

I wonder if I have any of your features,

Or what we’d have in common,

I wonder what life would be like if the past was set aside,

But I’m just a child and it’s not for me to decide,

The future will play out as big people make choices,

Just remember, those choices affect me, and you…

Please think hard, don’t let more time slip by without me,

This is my plea to you, give me a chance, a chance to know you,
To love and be loved by you...

~KrissElise

Five things I've learned in the first month of my marriage.

1. If you strive for a godly marriage, Satan will fight you. To put it simply.... when we strive towards God, we threaten Satan. He wants to distract us from God's will. He wants to break apart marriages, create mistrust and doubt. And I've come to find out in the short time that I have been engaged and married that it will come in the ways you least expect it. It will come out of the blue. Don't be surprised. Be ready.

2. A strong prayer life is essential. (If you don't have one, now is a great time to start.) It's actually a great part of what brought my husband and I together, kept us together and will keep us together for the rest of our lives on earth. Prayer is kind of like wifi, except more powerful. Wifi connects us to other people, the world, Google (what would we do without Google? or Siri) It connects businesses, social networking, shopping, now days you can pretty much do anything online. Adopt a dog, ship animals overseas or find a life partner. But prayer is a connection to the all-powerful, all-knowing, almighty God. Through prayer people are healed, lives are changed, marriages saved, hearts won for Christ.... the list goes on. It's powerful because its a straight connection that we have as sons and daughters to our Abba Father. Through the good and the bad, joyful and heartbreaking, prayer is a solid foundation that ties us together and to God. It's a place we can turn when all hope seems lost, when we are needing help, grace, love, comfort and simply when we are overwhelmed with gratitude.

3. Communication is key. It doesn't matter what you are doing in life. If you are doing it with other people than communicate, communicate, communicate cannot be said enough. It's something that can be hard for me because I grew up independent. Into my teen and early adult years I was my own person, made my own decisions. I watched out for myself because I realized nobody else was going to. I was used to doing things my own way and keeping much to myself. Now I have to constantly work on making sure I am communicating with my husband. Though it's a struggle sometimes, the more we communicate the stronger our marriage is and the closer together we are to each other.

4. You are never alone. (He's always watching you) Haha, I'm kidding. Mostly. ;) When I married my best friend I didn't fully understand what that meant. I'm not sure I do even now. It means I will always have somebody in my corner. I have somebody who will always have my back, wipe away my tears and pick me up when I fall down. I have somebody to make sure I eat, don't step on glass walking outside barefoot and don't run out of gas in my car. Somebody to talk to, be a listening ear, hold me and keep me warm on a rainy day. A shelter from life's blows and a partner to overcome every challenge with. One to share memories, joys and holidays. Somebody to pester, annoy and joke with. I can't even begin to describe what it feels like to know that I'll never be alone. What it's like to wake up in the morning and start the day with somebody by my side and to fall asleep with at night. 

5. Marriage is like life. Mixed up, crazy, and one hell of a ride. But it's so much more than worth it. It won't be like you imagined, dreamed or expected. But you learn as you go, you trust God, you love and you make memories and create a life together.

6. Yes I said five but this one is too good to pass up. Social media is overrated. The person who used to be an avid Facebook user faded into the unknown. Why? Because when you are watching a movie with your husband or out on a date, you don't really care if Facebook knows what movie you are watching or where you are eating. That picture you snapped of your handsome husband playing guitar... you suddenly feel like you want to keep that moment private between the two of you, tucked away in a box of photos to reminisce over one day or show to your kids. Life becomes much more private, special and intimate. Yes, I will brag about how great my husband is once in awhile but you won't see tons of cutesy pictures, he won't be my man crush Monday, there won't be long drawn out posts weekly about all he's done because I will be too busy telling him. Don't get me wrong, if we are out to coffee and you ask how he is, I won't miss a chance to tell about how great he is. But as good as social media can be, it's cheapening relationships, stealing intimacy and turning the words we should be telling our spouse into little paragraphs online for our hundreds of friends to see and like, stealing the special moment that otherwise might have been shared between two people and captured into a memory. 

So there you go. Short post. A few things about what I've learned in this journey so far. I am so excited to see where the next month, year, decade take us. What I learn and how God shows up. Aside from asking Christ into my heart, marrying my best friend is the best decision I have ever made. I don't regret it for a moment. I would love to hear in the comments what you've learned during your marriage. 

In Christ, KrissElise

Serve In Love

    One of the books I've been reading through recently to strengthen my marriage is called Marriage Matters by Winston T. Smith. It's a great book written on the foundation of God's word. Winston tells it like it is. This section really stood out to me as I read it and I wanted to share it with all of you.

 Honor Considers How to Build You Up
     Love isn't about getting your spouse to fill your sense of need. Jack Miller offers a great definition of what it means to serve one another in love: "Practically it means to labor to make others successful." Love involves your effort to make your spouse successful. What does it mean to be successful? 
     Recall that being made in the image of God means you have a destiny. As we've learned, you were created to mature and grow to be more like God, Have you ever looked at your spouse and considered that he or she was made to be a picture of God here on earth? Sin has done a lot to make it difficult for us to see that image in each other at times. Understanding that it's your job to shine and polish that image is one way to think about what it means to love your spouse,. When you're in tune with the fact that you stand before an image bearer and child of the almighty God, it's hard to see that person as an object that exists for your purposes. C.S. Lewis explained the weightiness of this reality and the obligations it brings this way:

     "It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people, You have never talked to a mere mortal."  

     Love practically means to labor to make your spouse successful. Wow. That is so true but a point that we can tend to pass over in life and marriage. One thing that this made me contemplate is the two drastically different choices we have. To build up or to tear down. To draw closer or to push away. To many wives the chores of home life become mundane. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, more dishes, caring for kids and/or pets, shopping, budgeting, go to bed just to get up and repeat. It can become tiring and never ending sometimes. I am blessed that God has drawn me to seek joy in the mundane. This section out of this book reminded me of another reason I do what I do. Because of love. When I cook dinner, serve my husband lunch, clean the house, fold the laundry... I'm telling him I love him in one of the best ways I know how. I am laboring to help him succeed. It makes his job and life easier and happier when he has home cooked meals and things around the home are taken care of. It helps him succeed as a husband. If he came home to the house trashed, three day old dishes in the sink, no clean laundry and no food, it would make it more difficult for him to fulfill his role as a husband. 

     Likewise, as he labors to love me, it helps me to succeed as a wife. When I can count on him to be there to fix things when they break, to provide a roof over our heads, it makes my job easier because I have less to worry about. When the car needs repairs, the pipes are frozen or I'm overwhelmed I can count on him and he helps me succeed. We've actually had several instances lately where he chose to react giving in love which drew us closer together instead of choosing himself and creating a barrier.

     A perfect example would be the time recently that our puppy Jake, woke up in the middle of the night and would not go back to sleep. I'd taken him outside, played with him, gave him water and tried to get him to go to sleep to no avail. I was particularly frustrated and emotional that night and Travis woke up to me crying. It would have been perfectly reasonable for him to tell me I was crazy, overemotional, being silly, but he didn't, instead he lovingly told me to go to sleep, that he would take care of the dog. That was a choice he made to serve in love. And in that 2am moment my heart grew just a tad fonder of the man that I fell in love with. 

   One other example before I end this post would be the time recently that we were meeting two other couples for a movie date night. He'd worked all day and part of the night, and was frustrated when circumstances ended up with us being late to head to the movie. Then the car headlights were glitching out and in the moment he spoke to me in a frustrated tone of voice. I don't deal well with people being upset, frustrated or mad and I tend to blame myself for anything that goes wrong. We were finally headed to the movie, him frustrated and me in tears. Now anybody who has been married for a time knows that this is part of life, it happens. And again, there are two different ways people can respond. Me, I knew he was just frustrated and didn't intend to snap at me. He assured me that it wasn't my fault and that he wasn't mad at me and we went to the movie, had a great time. I totally forgot about it. Later after we got home my amazing husband came to me and apologized for snapping at me and making me cry. Again, bringing us closer together instead of pushing us apart. My respect and admiration for him moved to another level. There is something absolutely admirable about a man coming to his wife and apologizing when he feels he has wronged her. That's one of the things I love most about him, the way he is always thoughtful and aware of his actions and how they impact me. He chooses to speak with grace and encouragement and is not afraid to man up and say sorry when needed. We need more men, husbands and fathers like him in this world. All I know, is I am the most lucky, blessed woman alive to spend my life with this man. I can see God smiling down on him, proud of the man he is and is becoming. 

    So if you take one thing out of this post, let it be this. Husbands, wives, remember, your actions and your words show your spouse how much you value and love them. The way your react, the way you choose to show up is very important to the intimacy of your relationship. Every word, every action, ever act of labor, every time you react, you are either speaking life or taking away. Be a spouse that chooses to give life and you will see your marriage thrive in ways that are unspeakable. 

Keep striving in faith and never give up.

In Christ's Love, KrissElise

1,274 Days Of Waiting - Now He's Mine

On September 17th 2016 my sweetheart serenaded me with a song that he wrote especially for me, got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I cried. (I also said yes) That day I realized in full reality that I had finally got what I waited 1,274 days for. And in that moment, every single moment I had waited for him was so worth it. Let me give you a little bit of history here about myself....

I was the kind of girl who grew up in a tough family situation. I learned early to be independent and to rely on myself. I also learned that it was best to be tough, shut off your feelings and protect yourself, because if you didn't nobody else would. I also was not impressed with guys. (and no, unlike many people thought I was never attracted to women either haha) I just wasn't into the dating game. I didn't want the drama. And honestly most guys frustrated me with their immaturity and lackadaisical approach to life. I'd also been hurt by guys in many different ways over the years and wasn't interested in getting in a relationship that would put me in a position where they had control. My friends and coworkers would always be talking about "cute guys" and "hot guys" and I was just like whatever. I could care less. 

Then came a special Friday in April 2013 that would change the direction of my life forever. Though at the time I had no clue. I went to the life group at my future adoptive parents house like I did every Friday. But today was different. There was a guy there. It would take me awhile to admit it to myself, and even longer to admit it to anybody else, but he was handsome. Not handsome like the "hot" movie character guys who all think they are something else, but like drop dead handsome. Without even having a clue. Like in a crowd of people he stands out from the rest. I'm not sure what it was about him... not only was he attractive but I felt drawn to him, to his personality... to something deeper. And to be honest... I hated it. I've gotten somewhat better now, but back then I was a major control freak. The fact that I couldn't control my feelings irritated me to no end. Yet I couldn't resist wanting to see him again, to get to know him better. To hear his voice, understand what made him tic. He was strong, capable, independent, he voiced his opinion, stood up for the truth he was compassionate, funny, and not to mention had the cutest smile ever. A part of me deep down inside knew from that day that I wanted him. And that feeling would be one to drive me crazy for years.

So fast forward... the next week we went out together, got to know each other some, we were both struggling with some life stuff, both busy with work and he grew distant. By then I had become fairly certain that God was telling me that this was the guy for me. I didn't know what else to do so I started praying. Little did I know that after three years, God would answer my prayer. Meanwhile many of the people close to me were worried because at 19, 20, 21 years of age, I was still showing no real outward interest in guys. Ninety-nine percent of my thoughts about Travis I kept to myself. People would think I was crazy and they did. Heck even I thought I was crazy. Over the years I was talked into going on several set up dates. I remember one...I don't even remember now who talked me into it, I think the guy's name was Justin, maybe it was Jason. Anyway, we met for lunch. He was sitting in the restaurant booth trying to keep conversation going and before we even got food ordered I told him the truth. I told him that there was another guy that I liked, that I wouldn't sit there and pretend to be interested in him when I couldn't get somebody else off of my mind. He understood, thanked me and we went our separate ways. Time went on... the few people who knew that I was hung up over some guy who didn't even really talk to me anymore were quite sure that I was insane. I wouldn't argue with that fact. Three years passed by and people started really getting on my nerves. I was going to a college age Bible study and I made the mistake of mentioning to somebody that one of the guys there was kind of attractive. Suddenly I was thrown into the drama of supposedly wanting a relationship with this guy that little known to me was the crush of many girls in town. I also had people pushing me to initiate a relationship with him. I tried to like him. I did my best thinking that maybe if I just liked him it would get people off my back. Next thing I knew I was hearing from a friend of a friend that I didn't show up to the girls Valentines night out because that guy wasn't going to be there. (Truth is I was sick with the flu) When I heard that, I swear I lost it. I was frustrated dealing with all this drama about a guy that I didn't really want anyway. I told them just that in words a little harsher than I probably should have. I told that person about this guy that I really wanted. The only one I really ever wanted. It was shortly after that I just started telling people that I was planning on staying single my whole life. Because if I couldn't have Travis I didn't want anybody else. When I talked to God I still felt like he was the one. Going out with any other guy seemed wrong. A few short months later, Easter of 2016 I get a text out of the blue from Travis. 

We got together, caught up on life and by our second date we were discussing where we saw our relationship going. I wasn't sure about it all. I mean this was what I'd been praying for just almost three years now, so I shouldn't have been surprised that God answered but... really? I kind of felt like I was in a dream. (Sort of still do) Like is this really happening? I had just decided that I was fine with being single for the rest of my life and then God is like "okay, now is a perfect time for Travis to come back into the picture." Spring turned into the best summer of my life as I dated and fell deeper and deeper in love with my best friend. Then he proposed to me... I left for Uganda three days later... we spent five incredibly hard weeks apart and then I came home to start planning our wedding. Where does that leave us now? That leaves me counting down the last month until I get to marry the most amazing guy on God's green earth. Has it all been sweet and easy? No. We've had our share of ups and downs, our struggles especially as we learn to deal with my past. There have been frustrations, tears, and stress but that is all insignificant compared to the joy, the love, the thrill of starting my life and seeing my future with my first, only and last love. 

I've been blessed to see many different areas of Travis's personality. I see him strong, confident, leader, 100% all guy. I see a handsome, cute, gorgeous man. I've also got to see the tenderness, the sensitive side. I've seen him stand his ground and argue his point with people. I've also got to experience the tender side when he's listening to every word I say and the ones I don't. I've felt the rough callouses on his hands from his manual labor job and I've also felt his tender touch on my face as he looks into my eyes. He thinks he's ordinary. He doesn't see what I see. But I know what an amazing guy he is, I know how blessed I am and I try to tell him so every single day. I got to fall in love with one guy. I got to give him everything I have. What are the chances of that? I get to marry the first and only guy I ever dated. I get to spend the rest of my life loving him. Giving him everything I have. I have to say I have been an emotional wreck the past few months and confuse the poor guy. Half of the time because I'm crying because I'm so happy. Because I'm so blessed. The other day we were talking and I was trying to hold the sobs back as I was overwhelmed with how lucky my kids will be to have a dad who is loving and affectionate to their mom. I could write a whole new post on that topic as it's something coming from my background that I will never take for granted. 

Anyway before this post gets too long I'll wrap up, I guess it turned into a post a little more on how we met and got to the point of being married but that's okay. I have the rest of my life to try and find words to describe how amazing my man is, and how absolutely lucky and blessed I am. I am so proud of the man he is, I am so proud to be his. I will never be thankful enough for God bringing him into my life, for putting us together and I cannot wait to continue this exciting journey with him! 

I will end with a little encouragement to all the single men and women out there. Find joy and peace in the waiting, don't rush it, don't feel like you have to settle for somebody because you are getting "old". The best thing you can do right now is to pray for your future spouse. Make a habit of it. And work on letting God mold you into a godly man or woman who will be ready when God brings the right one into your life. Waiting can be hard, frustrating, even heartbreaking, but I can testify from my own story that your wait will not be in vain. I believe God blesses those who trust in him and wait on his timing. My life is living proof of that. Not in my own strength but in God's. What I have now is so good because I learned to find joy in the waiting, I focused on molding myself to Christ's image and learning to be a good wife someday. I am far from it but each day I learn something new, I'm challenged in a new way and each day I grow a little closer to who I want to be. Stay strong, keep faith and don't lose your trust in God's plan. He knows what he's doing. He has a plan that is far better than yours. Until next time, God bless you as you seek and obey his will. 

In Christ, KrissElise 

An Attempt To Debrief From Uganda

I know people have been wanting an update on how my trip to Uganda went. Especially those who supported me. I have not been ignoring you. In fact, I have sat down many, many times to try and put down in writing asummary of my trip. However, I have found that to be very difficult. Several people have asked me if it was worth it. Yes, it was. I am not completely sure what all God did through me over there but I know that it’s bigger than I can see. I also know that he is continually working in my life through what I experienced over there. One thing that is always impressed upon me when I go overseas is how small I am. Here in America we can easily begin to think we are something grand by how much we give to charity, that we show up to church on Sundays, how many programs we are in, what service we do, we gain value by titles, degrees, and careers. Our car, our relationship status, physical appearance, and how big our house is, are things that have come to define Americans. Often times we build ourselves up to the point where we rely on ourselves. Many of us are fix-it people. If somebody has a problem we are there to fix it. No matter how big or small. We don’t like to be helpless. We like to have solutions, answers, a magic way to make it all better. When we can't figure it out we often pull out our smartphone to ask Google or Siri and when that doesn’t work we can always find a YouTube video for it. Some of us still go into bookstores and you can find shelves after shelves of self-help books on how to fix every issue in life. If you don’t have an issue somebody can find one for you. 

We live in a society that tells women that they can do anything a man can do. Women who might get offended at that, suck it up. God didn’t create us to be just like a man. That would defeat the purpose of him making man and woman each with unique roles. Kids grow up with the idea that everyone is a winner, if nothing else you will get an award for participation at least. Because it wouldn’t be fair for everybody not to win. And your child? They can grow up to be anything they want to be. So your son decides to be a girl? Damn anybody who tries to stop him or suggest it’s wrong. Two women want to get married, who are you to judge them. We have become a nation that lives under the theme of “Do whatever makes you happy.” As a country we have thrown morals out the window and we cannot even completely fathom what it’s like invillages and  slums overseas where there is nobody there to defend you, stand up for you or protect you. Even if you are only a child.

So, what about when you go to a third world country? You've seen movies, you know what it’s like, you may have even gone once or twice but I have found nothing, nothing at all that prepares you for when you are sitting among the poorest slums in Uganda, in the grimy red dust littered with garbage holding a tiny child’s hand. A child that like hundreds of others in the nearby areas have been abused, raped, are orphans, kids who live in extreme poverty. Children that have no clean drinking water, no warm meals, no medical care, cannot go to school. Children that are starving, don’t have a warm place to sleep at night. In reality, these kids are invisible to the world. There I am kneeling before this child and asking God to bless this little life, to provide, to reach down and enter the life of a tiny child who has nothing but the hope I am sharing with them. Then you lay out in the grass at night looking at the thousands of stars in the universe and wondering what the point is. Wondering if it even matters. You feel completely and utterly helpless. 

That's when you realize how small you are, how insignificant you are. How you cannot change the world. You cannot change the lives of these children. And you realize that you don’t have to because God is bigger. You merely are a servant of Christ. He never told you that you had to fix everything. It’s not our job no matter how much we want to make it our job. So what changed? What impactwas made  on the country of Uganda by me being there five weeks? I don’t know. All I know is that every child’s hand I held and prayed for, every hug, every smile and laugh, every warm meal served, clean cup of water given, or story of Jesus told… a life was touched by the light and hope of God for eternity. How many lives were changed or impacted? I have no idea because all the work and glory is God’s alone. Many times he uses the ripple effect. One life is changedand that  person touches the life of somebody else and therefore starts a ripple of lots of lives changed.

I guess the biggest thing that I learned while over there is the importance of prayer. Here in America prayer is something we often only do when it is convenient or when we need something from God. In Uganda, especially the area where I was at, prayer is a necessity. That connection with God is vital for every day life. There is no magic fix. No perfect cure. Evil crawls at its purest form but as you walk down the street God’s angels are around you, keeping you from harm. You see prayers answered. Lives changed. You see miracles happen. But that’s a subject for another day.

All of that to say this… I have no clue how to relate all my experiences over there to all of you here in America. Honestly I don’t think it's something you can fully understand without experiencing it firsthand. Without being there, engaging all five of your senses. So maybe you got something out of this. Perhaps you didn’t but it was worth a shot. My brain is still all mixed up with the feelings and emotions of those five weeks. Some of the stuff I saw and experienced there was rough, dark, stuff we don’t see in our everyday America lives. On the other hand, it opens you up to realize how much of this stuff happens in our own states, our own cities and we just turn our face away from it because we want to live in our own little worlds without touchingthe harsh  reality of darkness.  

So without further ado this post will come to a close. If you have comments, questions…. Leave them below or message me and I will do my best to give you an answer.

~KrissElise

 

Can Submitting to Your Husband be a Blessing?

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ~Ephesians 5:22-24

This section of scripture is one that has stirred up arguments and conflict throughout time. Now I will state here at the beginning that I’m not a theologian, I haven’t gone to Bible school, I’m young and not yet married. But I am a follower of Christ, my heart’s desire is to learn and to follow God’s commands with joy, and I have a wonderful, godly fiancé that I can’t wait to marry.

With that being said, I read through the second half of chapter five in the book of Ephesians. I have heard lots and lots of opinions on these verses and I have to say most of the time it’s coming from defensive women who feel that submitting to their husbands is a burden or makes them less than.

I have a little bit different outlook on it than most people my age or maybe most people in general. I read this section and it warms my heart. I don’t see this command as a burden or as a restriction on my life or rights. As I read through these verses I see security, foundation, love, guidance… I read down through verse 33.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Now given the fact that this passage is often used to abuse and control (From my past I know in great detail what it’s like with somebody who believes that) This passage says nothing of the sort to men about being the head over women to control them or to get them to do what they want. That’s the lie. I’m here to write about the truth. I think of my soon to be husband when I read this. He’s a godly man who strives to follow God in every area of his life. So because I have waited on the Lord and he has blessed me with a man who desires to follow Christ as I do, I see this section as security. Words in which I find comfort and joy.

From the very beginning I have looked to Travis as the leader in our relationship. It’s one of the greatest blessings that God has bestowed upon me. Giving me a man that lives out God’s command to him. To love me, cherish me and protect me. He is to me what Christ is to the church. Not a manipulator, controller or abuser but a hedge of protection, security and leader. He consults me on decisions that will affect the two of us but in the end he is the one who makes the decision that with his knowledge believes will be the best for our family. And I trust him as leader in all areas. That’s what works. Is it because we are special, or somehow it’s magical for us and we have something that others don’t? No, it works because we are following God’s commands and roles for our lives and he blesses that. Submitting to him means that we aren’t constantly fighting for that leadership place. It takes the burden off of me to try and fit into a role that I, as a woman was never designed for. It lets him fill the role that God did design for him as a man, to love, provide for, lead and protect.

I feel like I keep repeating myself trying to phrase this in lots of different ways to get my point across. It’s just that I feel a deep need in my heart to get this truth out there. With everything in society telling women to get out there, that they can do anything men can do, women’s rights, to be independent, that there’s no need to submit to their husband, that they can/should be the leader of the home. With all that crap out there I believe we need the voice of truth out there more than ever. For women young and old, but especially for the young like myself. In relationships and beginning marriages and families. Hearing everything that society drowns us with can sometimes overwhelm the small voice of truth. You don’t have to try and be like a man. It’s okay to let the men fill those roles. And it is absolutely perfectly okay for you to find joy and blessing in filling the role as a wife, submitting to your husband in the Lord. You will find greater joy in that than in anything the world is telling you. Trust me. It works.

I could write on this topic forever and probably will eventually write another post on it down the road after I’m married for a few years. But I don’t believe that my overall view on this will ever change. I’ve asked many women their input on this section as well. The ones that share the same view as me, that find joy in submitting to their husbands (even if they’ve struggled with it) are the ones that I see whose marriages have worked over the years. The ones who keep celebrating anniversaries and are deeply in love with each other and with the Lord. That’s what I want. And I believe that God intended that to be fully possible if we would only obey his commandments.

So I’ll leave you with this. Take time this week. Study this scripture, take time in the quiet to pray and open your heart up to God. Strip away the defenses you may want to put up and ask God to align your heart, wherever you may be to His good and perfect will. Pray for your significant other, husband, or if you are single for the husband God has in mind for you. Pray that he would seek to live out his part. That he would find joy in loving you and caring for you as you find joy in submitting to and respecting him. Lift your relationship to God and let him strengthen it. My fellow sisters, stay strong in the Lord and shine the truth.

~Kriss Elise