A Childhood Full Of Memories

I have no idea where you are in life these days,

It's been years since I've caught a glimpse of you around town,

Even longer since I sat down at a table across from you and talked,

But tonight I sit here and remember all the memories,

Gosh they seem so long ago, like another life,

It feels like I'm living the memories that belong to someone else,

All the years we spent growing up together, inseparable,

A childhood full of memories,

All of my happy memories as a kid belong with you,

Even all the fights we had, the make ups, 

Hours spent at night outside just because we didn't want to go in,

You were my best friend. You were my only friend.

There was nobody I really opened up to, nobody who knew my soul,

But you came the closest, you knew me deeper than anyone who lived,

From early on wherever I would be found, you weren't far away,

You were the one who I called when I was scared,

Brother you were the hero in my story,

Even in the hardest years of my life, my teens,

You were there, we played a fantasy life made of stories better than our own,

That was my greatest escape from reality,

Hiking and trapesing the mountain side, 

Spending nights beneath the stars in the cold winter night,

Then something I never thought would happen, happened,

An invisible enemy ripped through our world and tore you away from me,

Out of my hands, out of my grasp, out of my life,

I still grieve that loss, I grieve that loss because you aren't gone,

You are still here, but you aren't mine,

I watch my children and I wonder what it would be like,

The joy and fun they would have with you in their life,

I think of the bond they would be creating with you if you were here,

How much they would love you, how they would take you back,

Five years old playing in the creek,

Part of me feels numb, unmoved, unfeeling, 

But really it's just protecting the cracks that run through part of my life,

The part where you should be, the brother, the uncle, the adventurer,

You may never read this, it probably won't affect a thing,

But in case you ever wonder how I feel,

I miss you. I love you. I pray one day I'll hug you again this side of heaven,

I pray that my kids would have the chance to meet you, 

To know you, to love you like I do, 

Create memories that they would carry with them,

Pass down generations,

I pray one day those cracks would be restored,

Until then.... I pray that God watches over you, brings you peace and brings you back into my part of the world, over to my side of town. 

~Kriss Elise

 

Five things I've learned in the first month of my marriage.

1. If you strive for a godly marriage, Satan will fight you. To put it simply.... when we strive towards God, we threaten Satan. He wants to distract us from God's will. He wants to break apart marriages, create mistrust and doubt. And I've come to find out in the short time that I have been engaged and married that it will come in the ways you least expect it. It will come out of the blue. Don't be surprised. Be ready.

2. A strong prayer life is essential. (If you don't have one, now is a great time to start.) It's actually a great part of what brought my husband and I together, kept us together and will keep us together for the rest of our lives on earth. Prayer is kind of like wifi, except more powerful. Wifi connects us to other people, the world, Google (what would we do without Google? or Siri) It connects businesses, social networking, shopping, now days you can pretty much do anything online. Adopt a dog, ship animals overseas or find a life partner. But prayer is a connection to the all-powerful, all-knowing, almighty God. Through prayer people are healed, lives are changed, marriages saved, hearts won for Christ.... the list goes on. It's powerful because its a straight connection that we have as sons and daughters to our Abba Father. Through the good and the bad, joyful and heartbreaking, prayer is a solid foundation that ties us together and to God. It's a place we can turn when all hope seems lost, when we are needing help, grace, love, comfort and simply when we are overwhelmed with gratitude.

3. Communication is key. It doesn't matter what you are doing in life. If you are doing it with other people than communicate, communicate, communicate cannot be said enough. It's something that can be hard for me because I grew up independent. Into my teen and early adult years I was my own person, made my own decisions. I watched out for myself because I realized nobody else was going to. I was used to doing things my own way and keeping much to myself. Now I have to constantly work on making sure I am communicating with my husband. Though it's a struggle sometimes, the more we communicate the stronger our marriage is and the closer together we are to each other.

4. You are never alone. (He's always watching you) Haha, I'm kidding. Mostly. ;) When I married my best friend I didn't fully understand what that meant. I'm not sure I do even now. It means I will always have somebody in my corner. I have somebody who will always have my back, wipe away my tears and pick me up when I fall down. I have somebody to make sure I eat, don't step on glass walking outside barefoot and don't run out of gas in my car. Somebody to talk to, be a listening ear, hold me and keep me warm on a rainy day. A shelter from life's blows and a partner to overcome every challenge with. One to share memories, joys and holidays. Somebody to pester, annoy and joke with. I can't even begin to describe what it feels like to know that I'll never be alone. What it's like to wake up in the morning and start the day with somebody by my side and to fall asleep with at night. 

5. Marriage is like life. Mixed up, crazy, and one hell of a ride. But it's so much more than worth it. It won't be like you imagined, dreamed or expected. But you learn as you go, you trust God, you love and you make memories and create a life together.

6. Yes I said five but this one is too good to pass up. Social media is overrated. The person who used to be an avid Facebook user faded into the unknown. Why? Because when you are watching a movie with your husband or out on a date, you don't really care if Facebook knows what movie you are watching or where you are eating. That picture you snapped of your handsome husband playing guitar... you suddenly feel like you want to keep that moment private between the two of you, tucked away in a box of photos to reminisce over one day or show to your kids. Life becomes much more private, special and intimate. Yes, I will brag about how great my husband is once in awhile but you won't see tons of cutesy pictures, he won't be my man crush Monday, there won't be long drawn out posts weekly about all he's done because I will be too busy telling him. Don't get me wrong, if we are out to coffee and you ask how he is, I won't miss a chance to tell about how great he is. But as good as social media can be, it's cheapening relationships, stealing intimacy and turning the words we should be telling our spouse into little paragraphs online for our hundreds of friends to see and like, stealing the special moment that otherwise might have been shared between two people and captured into a memory. 

So there you go. Short post. A few things about what I've learned in this journey so far. I am so excited to see where the next month, year, decade take us. What I learn and how God shows up. Aside from asking Christ into my heart, marrying my best friend is the best decision I have ever made. I don't regret it for a moment. I would love to hear in the comments what you've learned during your marriage. 

In Christ, KrissElise

Prayer

What actually is prayer? Is it something we say before a meal? A blessing we say only when somebody is ill? A picture we share on Facebook because it tells you that God won't bless you if you don't type "Amen" and click share? Is that what prayer has become? Something we do when we need something from a higher power than us? A powerless thing that we toss around as if it really has no significance?

During the last year or so God has really been impressing upon me not only the importance of prayer but the absolute need for a strong prayer life. Going to Uganda I believe was part of that. While I was there, prayer wasn't a choice, an option or an afterthought. Prayer is what kept me going, protected me and helped me be used by God.

One of my biggest revelations was this... even if in a moment we had everything we could ever need, we would still desperately need to pray. Prayer is our connection with God. It's the direct communication line with our Father. We can be on top of the highest mountain or deep in down in the darkest pit and find him the moment we speak. We can be lost deep in the forest of life or riding high on the top and each moment we need him just as deeply as the next. There's no place we can go, nothing anybody can do to severe that connection. Prayer I believe is the purest form of worship. We go before our holy, almighty, perfect Savior and he listens. We can come as we are, broken, lost, unsure, scared, sinful... and he hears our cry. We need that connection with God. Sometimes it's the days where things are going best that I feel I need God the most. I need a heart to heart connection with him, I need him to hear my praise, to hear my worship, to know how much I adore Him. Then there are times of struggle, there is the ordinary every day life. How does prayer fit in? Honestly, I think it is essential to life and none of us really know the full power of it. Prayer is powerful because we have a holy Father listening to our words.

The whole year of 2016 is one that constantly brought me to my knees in desperation prayer and then with my arms stretched wide in adoration to my King. The beginning of the year brought the re-connection with an old friend. One I'd kept in my nightly prayers for several years. Overwhelmed, unsure, confused.... I wasn't sure what God was doing. (I'd been praying for this and now God was answering but I was completely caught off guard) I'm somebody who likes to be in control. I like to know what I'm doing and this was an area of life where I really had no experience whatsoever. So many times a day I found myself on my knees asking for guidance and wisdom. With that God began preparing me for a relationship with the man that he planned me to spend my future with. Along with all that I had found out that there was a possibility that I might have cancer, that brought me into a deeper relationship and prayer life than ever before. The tests dragged out, and even though it was only the span of a couple weeks it seemed like an eternity, but in that time I saw God and life in a whole new light. I took a risk and I fell in love with my best friend, I told him how I felt about him. We started dating and summer flew by. Quickly approaching was the date for me to leave the country for a five week mission trip. Three days before I left he proposed to me and I said yes. Then crying I boarded the plane that would take me overseas. One of the hardest things I've ever done was leave the one I love standing at the airport.

My time in Uganda... I'm not sure I can ever fully articulate my experience there because I think it's something that you have to experience firsthand. Corinthians 6:12 came to life. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." We were in a village that has some of the highest witchcraft and evil practices present. A lot of what I did while I was over there was prayer. When you go to a foreign country, to a place like that you want to fix everything. But you can't. You find that the power is all God's and one of your most important jobs is to intercede for others. There was specifically this one day when I was walking through the little village praying and I could literally feel the presence of evil all around me. I felt it so strongly I imagined I could reach out my hand and touch it. I knelt there in the middle of the dirt road and prayed, and its like I could see this picture of demons and satanic powers lining all sides of the road. They were trying to get to me, they were all around me but there in-between us were God's angels sent to guard me. They were fighting against the spiritual forces of darkness making the path clear for me and keeping me from harm. That picture hasn't left my mind. I realized how real that is every moment and we don't see it. Over there you can't help but see it. People openly practice witchcraft, people cast spells, demonic powers are alive and rampant. Back here in America we can forget. But that picture is true wherever we go. When we are driving down the road to work, playing with our kids, cooking dinner or hugging our spouse. And even more so when we kneel to pray or open our Bible to read. Satan is always out there trying to cause us to stumble, sending demons to cause us to lose faith or doubt. And so creates the spiritual warfare all around us as God's angels protect us from harm. In Uganda, prayer is an essential for survival. I don't think a believer could survive there without that connection with God.

So how does that apply to us in America? I think it is just as important or maybe even more so. Because especially when life is going good we let it slide. We put prayer on the back burner. A last resort to turn to when all else fails. But it's so much more than that. Prayer is a means of warfare we wage against the devil. It connects us to the one who has the power to change our circumstances and to change our hearts. The Bible says to be praying at all times in the Spirit. I believe we should be in constant connection to our Father. How can we expect our marriages to thrive, our children to grow into godly men and women without prayer? How can we complain about how awful life is when we are slacking in our prayer lives? I've spent close to a year in a relationship with the man who will soon be my husband. In just over a month we will say our marriage vows and begin our life as husband and wife. I can say with certainty already that without prayer we would not be together. And I know that without it there is no way that we will be able to stay together for the course of our lives. God has to be involved. He has to be the centerpiece of everything. 

Most of all... if you aren't staying plugged in to God, how do you expect to remain charged and ready for the life laid out before you? Take some time this week and dedicate it to quiet time to really connect your heart to God. And don't just make it another thing that you check off your to do list, integrate it into your life, let it seep into every aspect, every detail of every day.

Keep faith my fellow brothers and sisters and fight the good fight.

In Christ, KrissElise

The above picture is from a very powerful movie on prayer.