And... Life Keeps Changing!

It's been a bit since I've blogged last, and since then our life has taken a new turn. We are expecting our first child in January! We couldn't be more excited to start our family! Thankfully in the terms of pregnancy, I have gotten by relatively easy so far. In two weeks we have our 17-week checkup and should be able to find out if we are welcoming a little boy or a little girl into the world. I have to say these last couple months have been a challenge and a growing experience. As for my husband, he has been incredible. I could not be more blessed to have such a patient, gentle, loving man walking through life and pregnancy with me. He's dealt with me crying for no reason (which he still doesn't understand) mood swings, fatigue, nausea and the list goes on with more gentleness and love than I could have ever expected. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the amazing father my child has even before he or she is born.


I've served in ministry in many ways, from cleaning the church, being a youth leader and going on mission trips overseas and now, I realize my greatest mission of all is just beginning. Teaching, leading and raising my children to be godly followers of Christ. It terrifies me and excites me all at once. In fact in church last Sunday I was overwhelmed to the point of tears when we were singing the hymn "Pour it Out" I've heard the song before but in that moment the depth of it really hit me.

"Oh the depths of Your mercy
That saves a wretch like me
And the waves of forgiveness
Your blood that covers me

Pour it out
Pour it out

Oh the weight of Your glory
That brings me to my knees
And the power of Your presence
That heals and sets me free

I will worship I will love You
I will lift You up
Give You honor praise and glory
I will pour it out"

It was kind of like seeing my life flash before my eyes, the depths of His mercy, the waves of His forgiveness, the weight of glory, the power of His presence.... all which set me free. I saw who I was as a teenager, one who was deemed hopeless. A victim of sexual assault, bitter at the world, a girl with a rough past, confused and alone, headed down the wrong path... my life should have spiraled downhill, but for mercy and grace. Jesus stepped in, he sent me guardian angels in the form of a family, to help me navigate through life and onto a better road. I only needed a taste of that... a taste of the love, freedom, grace, mercy, forgiveness... and it was water to a parched soul, like none other I'd ever tasted. This water promised life. A beautiful, thriving life. I set my eyes on that and never looked back.

I could have followed who people told me I was, I could have fallen into being a "victim", I could have stayed on the path I was on, let myself be defined by the past, by my mistakes, by the mistakes of my childhood parents. I could have followed any path, but for the strength in which I possess through Christ.... here I am.

Married to the man of my dreams, the man God chose for me years ago, living a full and thriving life, growing daily in my relationship with Christ. I am surrounded by family who loves me, and I'm preparing to welcome my child into this world. I am excited about life, the future, becoming a better wife and being a mom. My past, it has no hold over me, it does not define who I am or who I can become. Did it take me time and struggles to get her? Yes. But I am living proof that God can take a broken, shattered life and make it whole and beautiful. No matter how rough your past, how deep the pit, how broken and messed up you think you are, a life is never too far gone for God to redeem to recreate into a beautiful masterpiece.

I am overwhelmed, brought to my knees in humble gratitude, honor, and adoration for my Abba Father, for my Lord. He is my life, my every breath, I owe all to him. 

~Kriss Elise

Our beautiful baby at 12 weeks

 

An Attempt To Debrief From Uganda

I know people have been wanting an update on how my trip to Uganda went. Especially those who supported me. I have not been ignoring you. In fact, I have sat down many, many times to try and put down in writing asummary of my trip. However, I have found that to be very difficult. Several people have asked me if it was worth it. Yes, it was. I am not completely sure what all God did through me over there but I know that it’s bigger than I can see. I also know that he is continually working in my life through what I experienced over there. One thing that is always impressed upon me when I go overseas is how small I am. Here in America we can easily begin to think we are something grand by how much we give to charity, that we show up to church on Sundays, how many programs we are in, what service we do, we gain value by titles, degrees, and careers. Our car, our relationship status, physical appearance, and how big our house is, are things that have come to define Americans. Often times we build ourselves up to the point where we rely on ourselves. Many of us are fix-it people. If somebody has a problem we are there to fix it. No matter how big or small. We don’t like to be helpless. We like to have solutions, answers, a magic way to make it all better. When we can't figure it out we often pull out our smartphone to ask Google or Siri and when that doesn’t work we can always find a YouTube video for it. Some of us still go into bookstores and you can find shelves after shelves of self-help books on how to fix every issue in life. If you don’t have an issue somebody can find one for you. 

We live in a society that tells women that they can do anything a man can do. Women who might get offended at that, suck it up. God didn’t create us to be just like a man. That would defeat the purpose of him making man and woman each with unique roles. Kids grow up with the idea that everyone is a winner, if nothing else you will get an award for participation at least. Because it wouldn’t be fair for everybody not to win. And your child? They can grow up to be anything they want to be. So your son decides to be a girl? Damn anybody who tries to stop him or suggest it’s wrong. Two women want to get married, who are you to judge them. We have become a nation that lives under the theme of “Do whatever makes you happy.” As a country we have thrown morals out the window and we cannot even completely fathom what it’s like invillages and  slums overseas where there is nobody there to defend you, stand up for you or protect you. Even if you are only a child.

So, what about when you go to a third world country? You've seen movies, you know what it’s like, you may have even gone once or twice but I have found nothing, nothing at all that prepares you for when you are sitting among the poorest slums in Uganda, in the grimy red dust littered with garbage holding a tiny child’s hand. A child that like hundreds of others in the nearby areas have been abused, raped, are orphans, kids who live in extreme poverty. Children that have no clean drinking water, no warm meals, no medical care, cannot go to school. Children that are starving, don’t have a warm place to sleep at night. In reality, these kids are invisible to the world. There I am kneeling before this child and asking God to bless this little life, to provide, to reach down and enter the life of a tiny child who has nothing but the hope I am sharing with them. Then you lay out in the grass at night looking at the thousands of stars in the universe and wondering what the point is. Wondering if it even matters. You feel completely and utterly helpless. 

That's when you realize how small you are, how insignificant you are. How you cannot change the world. You cannot change the lives of these children. And you realize that you don’t have to because God is bigger. You merely are a servant of Christ. He never told you that you had to fix everything. It’s not our job no matter how much we want to make it our job. So what changed? What impactwas made  on the country of Uganda by me being there five weeks? I don’t know. All I know is that every child’s hand I held and prayed for, every hug, every smile and laugh, every warm meal served, clean cup of water given, or story of Jesus told… a life was touched by the light and hope of God for eternity. How many lives were changed or impacted? I have no idea because all the work and glory is God’s alone. Many times he uses the ripple effect. One life is changedand that  person touches the life of somebody else and therefore starts a ripple of lots of lives changed.

I guess the biggest thing that I learned while over there is the importance of prayer. Here in America prayer is something we often only do when it is convenient or when we need something from God. In Uganda, especially the area where I was at, prayer is a necessity. That connection with God is vital for every day life. There is no magic fix. No perfect cure. Evil crawls at its purest form but as you walk down the street God’s angels are around you, keeping you from harm. You see prayers answered. Lives changed. You see miracles happen. But that’s a subject for another day.

All of that to say this… I have no clue how to relate all my experiences over there to all of you here in America. Honestly I don’t think it's something you can fully understand without experiencing it firsthand. Without being there, engaging all five of your senses. So maybe you got something out of this. Perhaps you didn’t but it was worth a shot. My brain is still all mixed up with the feelings and emotions of those five weeks. Some of the stuff I saw and experienced there was rough, dark, stuff we don’t see in our everyday America lives. On the other hand, it opens you up to realize how much of this stuff happens in our own states, our own cities and we just turn our face away from it because we want to live in our own little worlds without touchingthe harsh  reality of darkness.  

So without further ado this post will come to a close. If you have comments, questions…. Leave them below or message me and I will do my best to give you an answer.

~KrissElise

 

Hungry For God

As a leader and missionary I find myself constantly attempting to get others involved, trying to lead them into being God chasers. America as a whole struggles to get people committed to the body and to devoting their lives to following Christ. We are constantly searching for people who are hungry for God.

Here is something I read about a Pastor in America talking to an Ethiopian pastor who lived in horrible poverty. He said, “Brother, we pray for you in your poverty.” The humble Ethiopian turned  and said, “No, you don’t understand. We pray for you in your prosperity.”  Seeing the taken aback look on the American Pastor’s face he continued, “We pray for you Americans because it is much harder for you to live at the place God wants you to live in the midst of prosperity, than it is for us in the midst of our poverty.”

I think that is such a key point. Most people you meet are starving. They try to meet that desperate need with anything and everything. Now days we turn to alcohol, physics, parties, medication, programs, money, possessions, status, professional psychologists, social acceptance… the list goes on. We try to fill that emptiness inside with all the stuff that America has to offer. We come to church to check it off our list, to socialize, to meet the "religious" part of us, some even come to sit and be taught. But how many of us come just because we are God chasers? We are following Him, running towards Him, we go to church because we fully expect to meet personally with our almighty, all powerful God.

How many times do we come to church on Sundays and completely miss the presence of God only because we didn’t really expect to meet with Him? But maybe we don’t actually want to meet with Him. Do we even know when He shows up? When you go to “church” on Sunday is God going to be there in the building? If so what is He doing? What is He saying? Who is He talking to? What if He shows up to personally talk to you? One of the things that scares me the most is becoming so complacent that when He does show up we either miss Him, or He finds us comfortably tipped back in our church seat napping and when He asks us about the things He has sent us to do we will not have an answer because the list is crumpled up in the garbage can. I believe that no matter how hard we pray or ask God to work, He will not pour out His Spirit on those who do not hunger for Him.

Do we really want Jesus? Or do we just like the idea of Him? Do we just like the things He has to offer? Or do we want Him to completely ruin us for the world? Do we really want Jesus? Or do we just want to know about Him? What will it take for us to be overwhelmed by His presence? For us to fall on our knees and bow our faces in reverence to our almighty God? What will it take for us to break out of our self-induced, self-absorbed comas and start really living for the One whose blood spilled out upon Calvary’s Hill?

A couple months ago I was once again sitting at the table having a conversation with my dad when he said something that really struck me.  “The one thing that comforts me is knowing that whatever God tells you to do, you will do because you don’t know how to stop following God.”

He is right. Rewind about 9 years. It was a spring day, I was alone, terrified, depressed, and hopeless. That’s when I met Jesus. He was there all along, I can see Him when I look back on my younger years but I’d never let Him in. That day I realized that only He could fill the starving part of my soul. At the time I was still living with my birth family and I had no clue what to do about this whole “following God” thing or what a real relationship with Him was like. In fact it was a few years after that when I got to meet my adoptive dad that I really started learning about who Jesus is and who we are in Him. I suddenly found that everything I had been taught about God needed to be rearranged and redefined. 

Somewhere during all the long talks and late nights a fire was lit inside my soul, one that could not be quenched. During the short course of my lifetime I have been through many struggles. Many of the things that happened, the things I had to go through were not easy to overcome. Sometimes I still struggle with them. It’s not easy to make the decision to choose God over your family, to forgive the man who tried to rape you, forget all the voices telling you that you aren’t worth it, to find love in your heart for somebody after years of being abused, it’s not easy to miss out on your sisters growing up, or overcome depression, anxiety and self-destructive habits. It’s the hardest thing in the world to break addictions and the chains that Satan so tightly bound you with. But here’s the good part. We can choose to let those struggles make us bitter against God or we can choose to believe Romans 5:1-5

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Thankfully, my struggles ended up driving me straight into the arms of my God. And sometime during the course of finding my place in God’s plan, finding Him through the struggles and the dark I came to the realization… (I think I first really realized it when God told me to go to Peru) I came to the realization that I cannot say no. I have continually found that I am unable to say no to God. There are times when I’ll argue with him, I’ll try to rationalize and dance around the point but in the end I find that I have no choice but to follow my God wherever He leads.

Has it been easy? No way. Is it always easy now? Nope. Is it worth it? Without doubt. Many people often ask me if I could go back and restart would I? They want to know what I’d change. I struggle to answer that sometimes but in the end it always comes down to the fact that I wouldn’t change a thing. Because if I took out the tragic, the trials, the struggles, the dark parts… if I took that out... my faith wouldn’t be as deep as it is, the fire wouldn’t be quite so consuming and I wouldn’t know Jesus’s love like I do now. 

I don’t wish my life from here on out to be easy either, because if my life runs smoothly with no struggles, no parts that make me question what God is doing that make me drive deeper into His Word, I’ll become complacent. That is my biggest fear. I never want to become lukewarm, I never want to lose passion, I never want to forget how great God’s mercy and grace are over me. So I welcome the struggles, the trials that are sure to come because they will require me to take my faith to a deeper level, to run to my Father’s open arms and trust Him with my life.

And in the end… when I have done all that I was commanded, I say, “I am an unworthy servant; I have only done what was my duty.” *Luke 17-10

~KrissElise

A Little Snippit of Ministry

This last weekend I had the privilege of being the youth leader of six teens from our church up to the Get Real West Youth Event. It's a once a once a year event held to help encourage and teach teens to "get real" with God. This year they brought in the band Consumed by Fire and speaker Doug Lewis. Throughout worship and teaching time I saw God work in teens and leaders all around the room.

One of the things that really seemed to stick with a lot of people as well as me was Doug's illustration of fences. He talked about how God's commandments in the Bible are like fences. James 1:17 says that every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning. So that verse is talking about how every good deed, every good gift is from God. Which lies on the inside of the fence. At birth we are all sinners. You will find many places in Romans where it talks about how corrupt we were. It says there is no one righteous, not even one. We are corrupt by nature and enemies of God. We are outside the fence. That's where the precious gift of Jesus comes in. When we receive salvation and are born again we are allowed to enter inside the fence. We have access to God, to every good thing He has for us. But Satan isn't happy, and he will send his evil minions out disguised in the pleasures of society. He will try to lure you to climb back over the fence with anything he can convince you is good. But truth is nothing outside the fence is good. God does not tempt us or withhold the good of those who love him and live according to His word. All too often we find ourselves going through life jumping one fence after another and it leads our life in a downward spiral. Many of us are caught standing at the fence, making the decision to tell the Satan that we don't want what he has to offer and telling him to get lost or the decision to climb over the fence after what Satan has convinced us is good and hope nobody finds out. And the most encouraging thing is when we look down the fence and see another believer standing strong in faith. So be that one that stands strong. You just many encourage somebody else. God puts up fences to protect us. Not to withhold good things from us. That is an illustration that I will often remember in my life. And questions I encourage you to ask yourself. What fence am I currently on the wrong side of? What fence am I being tempted to cross right now?

We also had a breakout session for the youth leaders which was really encouraging. After some encouragement from Don Sullivan he broke us up into small groups to discuss things with other youth leaders from all over Montana. That was really encouraging to me and I hope it was to all the other youth leaders as well. Overall it was a really great weekend with the kids and a lot of new ideas and application. I can't wait to watch as these youth grow, make choices and follow God and I am so blessed to be a part of teaching, leading and learning from them.

This week I am blessed to know two God-loving women who are joining me in going through the Bondage Breaker Study. It's a book I went through at the beginning of the year and one of the best studies I have ever done. It's a book that really challenges you to put to practice what we know to be true from the word of God. It really changed my life. I have to admit it was not an easy book to go through and brings up a lot of challenges in life and in our pasts. It brings us to the point of deciding what we really believe to be true. It's a great book for anybody to go through and I am really looking forward to how God will work in all three of us during the next weeks of going through the book together.

I have to say being involved with God's ministry is one of the best things I have ever done. It fulfills me like nothing in this world can. I'm working on preparation to return to Uganda next year as well and I can't wait to see God work. I am so blessed and honored to be a servant of my King and pray that I will never lose that passion no matter come what may. To all those out there who are encouraging to me, those living radical lives for Christ, my deepest thanks goes to you. You inspire me. You challenge me. You help keep me pressing on. May God's face shine upon you, may you be blessed for your service. ~KrissElise