You Walked Across The Room

We often like to dream,

Of how we might change the world,

Do something great, make an impact,

Save a life, change a direction,

A dramatic moment in time,

You follow God so closely,

Listen to His nudging without second thought,

You didn’t even know when that moment was,

It was normal for you, you do it every day,

It all happened when you walked across the room,

A 30 second encounter,

Five simple words in a question my life would hang on,

One quick hug to a random stranger,

You told her that she was loved

But it was more than that,

God used you in that moment,

To shine hope and love into my dark world,

Saving my life countless times over,

Not only that,

But you started a chain reaction,

Breaking a cycle,

Generations of brokeness and disfunction,

You changed things not only for me,

But for generations below me,

Now you have another daughter,

My children have a loving grandpa,

I have a godly husband,

Found healing from my past in Jesus,

I know who I am in Christ,

All because you listened,

When God gave you that little nudge,

And you walked across the room.

~Kriss Brewer 

November 2021

I Could Have Had a Really Different Story

 Last Sunday at church we sang a song I've heard a million times. Nobody Loves Me Like You by Chris Tomlin. There's a verse in there that says, "I could have had a really different story, but you came down from heaven to restore me, forever saved my life". It really struck me. 

I have an amazing life. A loving, godly husband and two gorgeous kiddos with another on the way. We have everything we need plus some. Parents who love me and are incredible grandparents to my children. A million different siblings each with our own connection. But it wasn't always this way....

My story could have been really different. My childhood was filled with trauma, 13 years old had me depressed, and ready to leave this world behind. 13 years old I was going to cut through my blood veins. I wanted the emotional/spiritual pain I was in to end and I wanted everyone to know how much pain they had put me through to bring me to the point of bleeding out on my bedroom floor. That's where Jesus came and filled me. Where I met him face to face and asked him to come into my life.

18 years old found me without a home, alone, lost, abandoned, severe anxiety, depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. That's when God brought two people into my life who would drastically change the direction of my story. Away from a road of darkness and defeat towards the light and love that I could find as a Child of God's. 

Sometimes being years away now from those really dark days it's easy to forget, easy to forget how dark it was and how much time, effort and love my adoptive parents poured into me. Years of it. The other day my dad was going through letters from me, apparently he keeps ALL of them. He ran across the envelope of razor blades that I gave him when we were working through things, when I knew I knew I couldn't keep them anymore. Really took me back and reminded me of how incredibly grateful I am for all the little ways God worked in my life and all the people he brought to cross my path to bring me to where I am today. 

I used to hide my struggles, my pain, my past. I used to be ashamed of the things I did to cope with the trauma and pain but not anymore, I know that when things are brought to the light it gives shame and Satan no place to hide. I also know that there are others out there with stories like mine. I want you to know that you aren't alone. You aren't too broken. You aren't unlovable. Knowing my story could help even one person have hope or find help is why I continue to share it.

We have the power to change our story. To say this is NOT how it will end. My life changed. So could yours. If you are struggling, reach out to me. I've been there. 

~Kriss Brewer

Label or Love?

I promised that as I was able to, I would blog about my time in Uganda. Tonight I want to tell you about Addad, one of the many precious ones I had the pleasure to meet with during my time there. His story broke my heart. He is eight years old. He is very bright and smart. He plays "big brother" well to the younger kids and he is a very kind young man. When He was born, his mother was unable to care for him and handed him off to one of the men she had been with who was thought to be his father and that man raised Addad. He was a fairly wealthy man and put his child in a really good school. He took him places, and was a father to the young boy. As Addad grew older though it became apparent that the man may not actually be the biological father. So he took it upon himself to get DNA tests done. He was not the boy's blood father. So after raising this sweet boy for eight years he took him to the police station. He was abandoning the child. He proceeded to tell Addad that he was not his father and showed him pictures to make his point. The social workers and staff who got involved begged and pleaded for this man to continue to raise Addad as a son, as he had done so since his birth. But in the man's eyes, he was not the father. So he walked away. He rejected his son merely because they were not flesh and blood.

Sweet Addad

When I heard his story I was speechless. What do you say to that? How does a person process that? It really broke me. In many ways I could relate to that. I have dealt with rejection over and over, which included my birth parents. But there was no way I could even imagine myself in his shoes. To be an eight-year-old, completely abandoned in the world and the one person who you loved and trusted... he just walked away. He told you that you weren't worth it. Standing there hearing your father tell you that he wants nothing to do with you, and watching him turning around... walking away. Leaving you completely alone in the world. 

On the outside I never saw him cry. I never saw him break. But I'm sure inside he does everyday. I'm sure he has lain awake in the middle of the night with all the questions running through his mind. On school break, a lot of the kids go and spend a week or two with relatives. Addad has none that will claim him. He stayed at the home with some of the younger kids, and I could see the longing in his eyes. I could see the hurt there and I could feel it in my heart. I could feel the hurt so strong I felt like I would physically break. 

The sad thing is.... this happens all the time. In Uganda, in America, in countries around the world. So much is based on biological parent, step-parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, and then you have the other parents. Honestly it's one of the things I hate the most. I don't care what you are, if you are a mom or dad to a child (or adult) you are the mom or dad. I don't care what label you want to attach. That label does not mean anything more than how you came to know your child. But we use labels to separate, labels to divide. It doesn't mean you are a good parent, doesn't mean you are a bad parent. It doesn't say anything about the child or their worth in this world. 

My parents... they have ten kids. If you watched the life of this family you would never be able to guess how they came to know each of their kids. But if you asked, you'd find out... two of them are their biological children, six of them were adopted (some from birth and some after being foster children) two of them were never legally adopted but belong to them just the same. (I am one of those two.) But in this family, in this house, that doesn't matter. The labels don't make a difference. But to some people it does. To a lot of people in this world, most of us don't belong. Because we aren't "real kids". How screwed up is that? How messed up is society when people look down upon people or think that they are less than worth it if there isn't a biological connection?

Here is my final thought. If biological connection is so incredibly important. If it is the determining factor of who somebody is, or who we are related to then what about God? I am a child of God's. He is my Father. What does that say? Let's take a look at some scripture that says for itself.

"Look at how great a love the Father has given us that we should be called God's children. And we are!" ~1 John 3:1

"But all who did receive Him, He gave them the right to be children of God." ~John 1:12

"For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith." ~Galatians 3:26

"For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father!" The Spirit Himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God's children, and if children, also heirs- heirs of God and coheirs with Christ- seeing that we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him." ~Romans 8:15-17

This world has come up with labels that hurt, separate and destroy. If you are a Mom or Dad... I don't care what people label you, if you love your child and treat them as your own, they are yours. For all the kids (and adults) out there, I don't care what people label you. You are a beloved son or daughter.. the label doesn't matter. It's the love that matters. Let's drop the labels and show people that it's the love that makes the difference. After all, I believe it is the love of God that made me His daughter. It's the love of my mama and daddy who made me their daughter. And I am blessed. <3 ~KrissElise