An Attempt To Debrief From Uganda

I know people have been wanting an update on how my trip to Uganda went. Especially those who supported me. I have not been ignoring you. In fact, I have sat down many, many times to try and put down in writing asummary of my trip. However, I have found that to be very difficult. Several people have asked me if it was worth it. Yes, it was. I am not completely sure what all God did through me over there but I know that it’s bigger than I can see. I also know that he is continually working in my life through what I experienced over there. One thing that is always impressed upon me when I go overseas is how small I am. Here in America we can easily begin to think we are something grand by how much we give to charity, that we show up to church on Sundays, how many programs we are in, what service we do, we gain value by titles, degrees, and careers. Our car, our relationship status, physical appearance, and how big our house is, are things that have come to define Americans. Often times we build ourselves up to the point where we rely on ourselves. Many of us are fix-it people. If somebody has a problem we are there to fix it. No matter how big or small. We don’t like to be helpless. We like to have solutions, answers, a magic way to make it all better. When we can't figure it out we often pull out our smartphone to ask Google or Siri and when that doesn’t work we can always find a YouTube video for it. Some of us still go into bookstores and you can find shelves after shelves of self-help books on how to fix every issue in life. If you don’t have an issue somebody can find one for you. 

We live in a society that tells women that they can do anything a man can do. Women who might get offended at that, suck it up. God didn’t create us to be just like a man. That would defeat the purpose of him making man and woman each with unique roles. Kids grow up with the idea that everyone is a winner, if nothing else you will get an award for participation at least. Because it wouldn’t be fair for everybody not to win. And your child? They can grow up to be anything they want to be. So your son decides to be a girl? Damn anybody who tries to stop him or suggest it’s wrong. Two women want to get married, who are you to judge them. We have become a nation that lives under the theme of “Do whatever makes you happy.” As a country we have thrown morals out the window and we cannot even completely fathom what it’s like invillages and  slums overseas where there is nobody there to defend you, stand up for you or protect you. Even if you are only a child.

So, what about when you go to a third world country? You've seen movies, you know what it’s like, you may have even gone once or twice but I have found nothing, nothing at all that prepares you for when you are sitting among the poorest slums in Uganda, in the grimy red dust littered with garbage holding a tiny child’s hand. A child that like hundreds of others in the nearby areas have been abused, raped, are orphans, kids who live in extreme poverty. Children that have no clean drinking water, no warm meals, no medical care, cannot go to school. Children that are starving, don’t have a warm place to sleep at night. In reality, these kids are invisible to the world. There I am kneeling before this child and asking God to bless this little life, to provide, to reach down and enter the life of a tiny child who has nothing but the hope I am sharing with them. Then you lay out in the grass at night looking at the thousands of stars in the universe and wondering what the point is. Wondering if it even matters. You feel completely and utterly helpless. 

That's when you realize how small you are, how insignificant you are. How you cannot change the world. You cannot change the lives of these children. And you realize that you don’t have to because God is bigger. You merely are a servant of Christ. He never told you that you had to fix everything. It’s not our job no matter how much we want to make it our job. So what changed? What impactwas made  on the country of Uganda by me being there five weeks? I don’t know. All I know is that every child’s hand I held and prayed for, every hug, every smile and laugh, every warm meal served, clean cup of water given, or story of Jesus told… a life was touched by the light and hope of God for eternity. How many lives were changed or impacted? I have no idea because all the work and glory is God’s alone. Many times he uses the ripple effect. One life is changedand that  person touches the life of somebody else and therefore starts a ripple of lots of lives changed.

I guess the biggest thing that I learned while over there is the importance of prayer. Here in America prayer is something we often only do when it is convenient or when we need something from God. In Uganda, especially the area where I was at, prayer is a necessity. That connection with God is vital for every day life. There is no magic fix. No perfect cure. Evil crawls at its purest form but as you walk down the street God’s angels are around you, keeping you from harm. You see prayers answered. Lives changed. You see miracles happen. But that’s a subject for another day.

All of that to say this… I have no clue how to relate all my experiences over there to all of you here in America. Honestly I don’t think it's something you can fully understand without experiencing it firsthand. Without being there, engaging all five of your senses. So maybe you got something out of this. Perhaps you didn’t but it was worth a shot. My brain is still all mixed up with the feelings and emotions of those five weeks. Some of the stuff I saw and experienced there was rough, dark, stuff we don’t see in our everyday America lives. On the other hand, it opens you up to realize how much of this stuff happens in our own states, our own cities and we just turn our face away from it because we want to live in our own little worlds without touchingthe harsh  reality of darkness.  

So without further ado this post will come to a close. If you have comments, questions…. Leave them below or message me and I will do my best to give you an answer.

~KrissElise

 

In The Moonlight With You

 

The wooden boat glides across the moonlit lake,

The water like glass reflects the stars in the midnight sky,

Soft waves slapping gently against the side

City lights but a twinkle as I head into the dark abyss,

This night, beautiful, crisp, unreal,

Only the moon to see the tears,

As they create rivers down my face,

Melancholy feeling floating through the air,

Wrapped up snug in his red blanket,

I close my eyes with the cold breeze in my face,

Suddenly, you are there,

Sitting across the other side of the boat,

In an instant I’m in your arms, one of your hands in my hair,

The other around my waist pulling me close to you,

I reach up and touch your face,

Our lips meet and oxygen ceases to exist,

Lost in the moment, drowning in your eyes,

Burying my face in your chest, I inhale your scent,

My fatigue subsides as your warmth envelopes me,

With gratitude I raise my eyes to the heavens,

Thankful to the Father for making you mine,

That’s when you take my hand, whisper so softly I can barely hear,

“Remember my dear, my love is promised to you for all our years”

The boat bumps up against the other shore, you disappear,

Once again, eight thousand miles between you and me,

Toes in the sand, blanket wrapped around my shoulders,

I look back out over the water, the night has gone dark,

But with your promise in my heart, salty tears on my face,

I know that we will be together soon, to have and to hold,

 ~Kriss Elise           Uganda, October 2016

Travel Life

Here I am sitting in Dubai airport. Going on hour 39 without having any real sleep so forgive me if nothing makes sense. However, I did want to give you all an update while I have plenty of time to do so. My last flight isn’t for another four hours.

I’ve been preparing for this trip for the last year and finally the day came. For the last week I’d been saying goodbyes and shedding tears. Trying to do so when nobody was around. I’d done this before and I could do it again. It’s not that I wasn’t excited about the trip. In fact I’ve been counting down the days for the past couple months. I can’t wait to step out of the airplane and feel the sweet Ugandan air welcome me. And I was rather proud of how well I held myself together that last week… until Wednesday night when It was the last one I’d spend with my Travis and his family. That’s when it started to hit me hard and Trav caught onto that. I sat on his lap feeling his strong, safe arms around me and I couldn’t stop the tears. How on earth was I going to spend five weeks without him. 8,000+ miles away? I left the house that night after hugs from everybody and I didn’t even try to stop the tears from flowing down my face. How lucky was I to have two families who made leaving so hard?

Tuesday morning I woke up at 5:00am after 4 hours of sleep, ready to start my journey. Having caught a virus that’s been going around I didn’t feel too great but was determined to stay positive. I got all ready, loaded my luggage in my rig and said goodbye to my own family. I hit the road for the next 20 miles to Lolo where Travis would drive me to the airport. Fighting off waves of nausea and a headache on top of trying not to bawl my eyes out we made it to the airport. Inside the airport I started to feel really bad, I’m not completely sure if it was from the virus or from the reality that this is the last time I’d see my fiancé for thirty seven days I’m not sure. Probably a mix of both. Being human I wondered why God would let me get sick right before a crazy long trip going to do His work. Again I was reminded that we aren’t always called to do the easy things. I made the goodbye quick because I knew the longer it was the more likely it would be for me to not let go. I hugged and kissed him one last time and forced myself to walk up to security half sobbing where the guy smiles at me and says “Where are you going to?” To which I respond “Uganda for a five week mission trip.” He smiles at me and says “Be careful, and make sure you come back home to him” I managed a “Yes sir” glanced back one more time and walked through to the other side. If you've never said goodbye to the love of your life you have no idea. Believe me. As mentally prepared as I was, I had no idea what it would be like. It's like your heart being ripped out of your chest, leaving a part of yourself behind. It's like no feeling I've ever felt. But I know, that it will make coming home that much sweeter.

A quick and easy flight took me to Seattle where I had a 5 hour layover before boarding my 14 hour flight to Dubai. Boarding my second flight I said goodbye to the US. The flight to Dubai was nice and easy, it wasn’t filled so I had a whole row to myself so I was able to stretch out and relax some. By the time I landed at DXB airport I was completely lost on the time and day. International travel does that to you when you have constant flights and are traveling through 11 time zones. I made it through customs, picked up my checked baggage which thankfully arrived safely and rechecked it to Entebbe. Now 13 hours til my next flight. Feeling the wear of travel, lack of sleep, sick and finding out that I couldn’t even check in for five more hours I was a little discouraged. I eventually found some food, medicine and a semi quiet spot to rest for awhile. I was able to chat with Travis via fb messenger. After being able to talk to him and spending some quiet time with God I don’t really feel better physically but I am more encouraged. 

Now in just over two hours I will board my last flight to Entebbe, Uganda. I am really looking forward to lying down in a bed and sleeping for awhile. Even more than that I am ready to see what God has in store for the me next five weeks. I am well aware that He will take me out of my comfort zone, make me uncomfortable and I’ll probably do some really hard things. But I am excited to see in what areas He has me grow and how I can serve in my beloved Uganda. I won’t lie, I know it will be challenging and I’ll get discouraged. I know that I’m gonna miss Travis like crazy (I already am) but my heart is open, willing and ready. Let’s get this show on the road.

Glory to God in the highest. ~KrissElise

A Little Snippit of Ministry

This last weekend I had the privilege of being the youth leader of six teens from our church up to the Get Real West Youth Event. It's a once a once a year event held to help encourage and teach teens to "get real" with God. This year they brought in the band Consumed by Fire and speaker Doug Lewis. Throughout worship and teaching time I saw God work in teens and leaders all around the room.

One of the things that really seemed to stick with a lot of people as well as me was Doug's illustration of fences. He talked about how God's commandments in the Bible are like fences. James 1:17 says that every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning. So that verse is talking about how every good deed, every good gift is from God. Which lies on the inside of the fence. At birth we are all sinners. You will find many places in Romans where it talks about how corrupt we were. It says there is no one righteous, not even one. We are corrupt by nature and enemies of God. We are outside the fence. That's where the precious gift of Jesus comes in. When we receive salvation and are born again we are allowed to enter inside the fence. We have access to God, to every good thing He has for us. But Satan isn't happy, and he will send his evil minions out disguised in the pleasures of society. He will try to lure you to climb back over the fence with anything he can convince you is good. But truth is nothing outside the fence is good. God does not tempt us or withhold the good of those who love him and live according to His word. All too often we find ourselves going through life jumping one fence after another and it leads our life in a downward spiral. Many of us are caught standing at the fence, making the decision to tell the Satan that we don't want what he has to offer and telling him to get lost or the decision to climb over the fence after what Satan has convinced us is good and hope nobody finds out. And the most encouraging thing is when we look down the fence and see another believer standing strong in faith. So be that one that stands strong. You just many encourage somebody else. God puts up fences to protect us. Not to withhold good things from us. That is an illustration that I will often remember in my life. And questions I encourage you to ask yourself. What fence am I currently on the wrong side of? What fence am I being tempted to cross right now?

We also had a breakout session for the youth leaders which was really encouraging. After some encouragement from Don Sullivan he broke us up into small groups to discuss things with other youth leaders from all over Montana. That was really encouraging to me and I hope it was to all the other youth leaders as well. Overall it was a really great weekend with the kids and a lot of new ideas and application. I can't wait to watch as these youth grow, make choices and follow God and I am so blessed to be a part of teaching, leading and learning from them.

This week I am blessed to know two God-loving women who are joining me in going through the Bondage Breaker Study. It's a book I went through at the beginning of the year and one of the best studies I have ever done. It's a book that really challenges you to put to practice what we know to be true from the word of God. It really changed my life. I have to admit it was not an easy book to go through and brings up a lot of challenges in life and in our pasts. It brings us to the point of deciding what we really believe to be true. It's a great book for anybody to go through and I am really looking forward to how God will work in all three of us during the next weeks of going through the book together.

I have to say being involved with God's ministry is one of the best things I have ever done. It fulfills me like nothing in this world can. I'm working on preparation to return to Uganda next year as well and I can't wait to see God work. I am so blessed and honored to be a servant of my King and pray that I will never lose that passion no matter come what may. To all those out there who are encouraging to me, those living radical lives for Christ, my deepest thanks goes to you. You inspire me. You challenge me. You help keep me pressing on. May God's face shine upon you, may you be blessed for your service. ~KrissElise

Label or Love?

I promised that as I was able to, I would blog about my time in Uganda. Tonight I want to tell you about Addad, one of the many precious ones I had the pleasure to meet with during my time there. His story broke my heart. He is eight years old. He is very bright and smart. He plays "big brother" well to the younger kids and he is a very kind young man. When He was born, his mother was unable to care for him and handed him off to one of the men she had been with who was thought to be his father and that man raised Addad. He was a fairly wealthy man and put his child in a really good school. He took him places, and was a father to the young boy. As Addad grew older though it became apparent that the man may not actually be the biological father. So he took it upon himself to get DNA tests done. He was not the boy's blood father. So after raising this sweet boy for eight years he took him to the police station. He was abandoning the child. He proceeded to tell Addad that he was not his father and showed him pictures to make his point. The social workers and staff who got involved begged and pleaded for this man to continue to raise Addad as a son, as he had done so since his birth. But in the man's eyes, he was not the father. So he walked away. He rejected his son merely because they were not flesh and blood.

Sweet Addad

When I heard his story I was speechless. What do you say to that? How does a person process that? It really broke me. In many ways I could relate to that. I have dealt with rejection over and over, which included my birth parents. But there was no way I could even imagine myself in his shoes. To be an eight-year-old, completely abandoned in the world and the one person who you loved and trusted... he just walked away. He told you that you weren't worth it. Standing there hearing your father tell you that he wants nothing to do with you, and watching him turning around... walking away. Leaving you completely alone in the world. 

On the outside I never saw him cry. I never saw him break. But I'm sure inside he does everyday. I'm sure he has lain awake in the middle of the night with all the questions running through his mind. On school break, a lot of the kids go and spend a week or two with relatives. Addad has none that will claim him. He stayed at the home with some of the younger kids, and I could see the longing in his eyes. I could see the hurt there and I could feel it in my heart. I could feel the hurt so strong I felt like I would physically break. 

The sad thing is.... this happens all the time. In Uganda, in America, in countries around the world. So much is based on biological parent, step-parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, and then you have the other parents. Honestly it's one of the things I hate the most. I don't care what you are, if you are a mom or dad to a child (or adult) you are the mom or dad. I don't care what label you want to attach. That label does not mean anything more than how you came to know your child. But we use labels to separate, labels to divide. It doesn't mean you are a good parent, doesn't mean you are a bad parent. It doesn't say anything about the child or their worth in this world. 

My parents... they have ten kids. If you watched the life of this family you would never be able to guess how they came to know each of their kids. But if you asked, you'd find out... two of them are their biological children, six of them were adopted (some from birth and some after being foster children) two of them were never legally adopted but belong to them just the same. (I am one of those two.) But in this family, in this house, that doesn't matter. The labels don't make a difference. But to some people it does. To a lot of people in this world, most of us don't belong. Because we aren't "real kids". How screwed up is that? How messed up is society when people look down upon people or think that they are less than worth it if there isn't a biological connection?

Here is my final thought. If biological connection is so incredibly important. If it is the determining factor of who somebody is, or who we are related to then what about God? I am a child of God's. He is my Father. What does that say? Let's take a look at some scripture that says for itself.

"Look at how great a love the Father has given us that we should be called God's children. And we are!" ~1 John 3:1

"But all who did receive Him, He gave them the right to be children of God." ~John 1:12

"For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith." ~Galatians 3:26

"For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father!" The Spirit Himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God's children, and if children, also heirs- heirs of God and coheirs with Christ- seeing that we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him." ~Romans 8:15-17

This world has come up with labels that hurt, separate and destroy. If you are a Mom or Dad... I don't care what people label you, if you love your child and treat them as your own, they are yours. For all the kids (and adults) out there, I don't care what people label you. You are a beloved son or daughter.. the label doesn't matter. It's the love that matters. Let's drop the labels and show people that it's the love that makes the difference. After all, I believe it is the love of God that made me His daughter. It's the love of my mama and daddy who made me their daughter. And I am blessed. <3 ~KrissElise