Even Though... God Is...

Even though...

Their words cut like shrapnel,

The blows didn’t cease,

Tears overflowed endless buckets,

The dark seemed so much bigger than the light,

My future looked hopeless and bleak,

God was still faithful...

He was still there,

Though I couldn’t see Him,

He never left my side,

Drawing me nearer to Him through all the pain,

Even though...

I tried to get help and was turned away,

Sent back to the prison I so bravely escaped,

Those who should have stepped in, stepped out instead,

Right back to life with a gun to my head,

The cops failed, They looked the other way,

DHS didn’t do their job, we fell through the cracks,

God is good...

He protected me,

Held me under his wing,

Drawing me to a saving relationship,

Showing me the love of a Father,

Adopting me as a child,

Even though…

The dark years were so long,

As I was finally on my own,

Yet didn’t know what a real life was like,

Many nights driving back roads,

Wondering what it would be like,

To drive off the edge for nobody to find,

God was there…

He kept that little light at the end of the tunnel,

Kept my steering wheel straight on the road,

Through the years of blood and pain,

The depression and anxiety,

Bad thoughts and dangerous addictions,

God lifted me, He raised me up,

Even though…

I didn’t deserve an ounce of His love,

His goodness, mercy or grace,

He redeemed me, brought me out of my suffering,

In due time blessed me with all I could desire,

Healed the brokenness, restored my soul,

God is holy, almighty, He is GOOD.

When times are rough sometimes we wonder where he is,

We wonder why He let us go through hard times and pain,

All the what ifs or could have beens,

But all in his timing, all in his plan that one day I will understand…

God used my pain for healing, He is using it to reach others,

In all of life… God still is who He is…He is good. Even though life circumstances will be hard.

~Kriss Elise

But Jesus

 But Jesus

~Kriss Brewer - March 2021

My heart breaks for those destined for hell,

For those who have kept the circle of abuse spinning,

Those who have chosen to harm others,

To cause their children to stumble,

Believing the lies, believing that's all they could do,

My heart cries, my heart breaks,

At the same time I dwell in grace,

I am humbled and amazed,

Because I know without a doubt,

That could be me,

I was only one step away,

From continuing the same path,

Keeping the cycle of abuse alive,

Living in the lie that it couldn’t be better,

That I could never be enough,

But Jesus….

But Jesus stepped down and took my hand,

At the foot of the cross my burden of sin was lifted,

As forgiveness poured over me the chains were broken,

The path of destruction before my feet crumbled away

As Jesus took me by the hand,

Led me down a path that I had never seen,

Opened my eyes to a brand new love,

A brand new life,

Where love and peace abounds,

Words and touch don’t have to hurt,

I watch as my daughter runs up,

Hugs and kisses and no fear of me,

My son snuggles up between Mommy and Daddy,

Safe and secure,

Tears roll down my face,

I feel the intense weight,

How deep grace and mercy is,

The freedom in salvation,

Love of our heavenly Father,

My story would be so different….

But Jesus. But Jesus.

Lord, Let Me Never Get Over Being Saved

Looking back upon my life there is one thing I never want to forget, never want to get tired of talking about and never want the feeling to go away. I never want to get over the moment of my salvation.

I want to remember the desperation, the dark place I was in. Living in sin as an enemy of God. Doing things my own way, living my own life, with eternal destiny for hell. Yet for years I didn't know what a desperate condition I was in. How dark the darkness is when we perceive that darkness to be light. I fought God for a long time. I had a good picture of Him in my mind when I was little, He was the "Santa Claus" God up there in the sky. All my opinions of Him were destroyed when circumstances shattered my life. I hated Him because He didn't stop the bad things from happening. Because in my mind He wasn't doing what was right. Thirteen years of living in the desperate place of being separate from God. Living life to make me happy. Focused on me and what I wanted. It took me hitting rock bottom to look up and see God. I was so self-centered that I went through life wondering why He didn't do something, why He didn't care and only in the moment when I took the focus off me and looked up to Him did I realize that He was there all along reaching out His hand just waiting for me to reach up to grasp it. In that moment I realized who I was as a sinful, lost person apart from God and I knew I needed Him. I knew I had no choice but to grasp that hand. Giving Him my life.

I didn't know in that moment exactly what all that would mean. But I gave my entire life to Him, my everything. I never regret that decision and I never want to get over the moment of being saved. The moment when the all powerful God, the creator of the entire universe looked down on one broken, teenage girl and said "I choose YOU. Come and be my daughter." When the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent God forgave my sins and gave me more than I can ever comprehend and all He wanted in exchange, was my heart, my soul and my life.

I never want to become so complacent that I forget or lessen the importance of what my God did for me. I don't want to become happy with my life, or living a life that pleases me in my human nature. I never want to stay in my comfort zone. I want a burning passion for Christ. I want to live this life with ONE focus. ONE goal. ONE mind. That is to bring glory to the Father and expand the eternal kingdom until the moment I breathe my last breathe and God calls me home. I want to burn with such a desire for Him that the world cannot distract me. Because in the end to hear the Father say, "Well done my good and faithful servant." Will be a life worth living. Any life lived for ourselves or the world is a waste of time.

I challenge you. Think back to the day of your salvation. Think of what God has done for you and follow Him with a selfless heart. Live for Him and I guarantee that you will find it is well worth it! Never get over being saved.