Honor Considers How to Build You Up
Love isn't about getting your spouse to fill your sense of need. Jack Miller offers a great definition of what it means to serve one another in love: "Practically it means to labor to make others successful." Love involves your effort to make your spouse successful. What does it mean to be successful?
Recall that being made in the image of God means you have a destiny. As we've learned, you were created to mature and grow to be more like God, Have you ever looked at your spouse and considered that he or she was made to be a picture of God here on earth? Sin has done a lot to make it difficult for us to see that image in each other at times. Understanding that it's your job to shine and polish that image is one way to think about what it means to love your spouse,. When you're in tune with the fact that you stand before an image bearer and child of the almighty God, it's hard to see that person as an object that exists for your purposes. C.S. Lewis explained the weightiness of this reality and the obligations it brings this way:
"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people, You have never talked to a mere mortal."
Love practically means to labor to make your spouse successful. Wow. That is so true but a point that we can tend to pass over in life and marriage. One thing that this made me contemplate is the two drastically different choices we have. To build up or to tear down. To draw closer or to push away. To many wives the chores of home life become mundane. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, more dishes, caring for kids and/or pets, shopping, budgeting, go to bed just to get up and repeat. It can become tiring and never ending sometimes. I am blessed that God has drawn me to seek joy in the mundane. This section out of this book reminded me of another reason I do what I do. Because of love. When I cook dinner, serve my husband lunch, clean the house, fold the laundry... I'm telling him I love him in one of the best ways I know how. I am laboring to help him succeed. It makes his job and life easier and happier when he has home cooked meals and things around the home are taken care of. It helps him succeed as a husband. If he came home to the house trashed, three day old dishes in the sink, no clean laundry and no food, it would make it more difficult for him to fulfill his role as a husband.
Likewise, as he labors to love me, it helps me to succeed as a wife. When I can count on him to be there to fix things when they break, to provide a roof over our heads, it makes my job easier because I have less to worry about. When the car needs repairs, the pipes are frozen or I'm overwhelmed I can count on him and he helps me succeed. We've actually had several instances lately where he chose to react giving in love which drew us closer together instead of choosing himself and creating a barrier.
A perfect example would be the time recently that our puppy Jake, woke up in the middle of the night and would not go back to sleep. I'd taken him outside, played with him, gave him water and tried to get him to go to sleep to no avail. I was particularly frustrated and emotional that night and Travis woke up to me crying. It would have been perfectly reasonable for him to tell me I was crazy, overemotional, being silly, but he didn't, instead he lovingly told me to go to sleep, that he would take care of the dog. That was a choice he made to serve in love. And in that 2am moment my heart grew just a tad fonder of the man that I fell in love with.
One other example before I end this post would be the time recently that we were meeting two other couples for a movie date night. He'd worked all day and part of the night, and was frustrated when circumstances ended up with us being late to head to the movie. Then the car headlights were glitching out and in the moment he spoke to me in a frustrated tone of voice. I don't deal well with people being upset, frustrated or mad and I tend to blame myself for anything that goes wrong. We were finally headed to the movie, him frustrated and me in tears. Now anybody who has been married for a time knows that this is part of life, it happens. And again, there are two different ways people can respond. Me, I knew he was just frustrated and didn't intend to snap at me. He assured me that it wasn't my fault and that he wasn't mad at me and we went to the movie, had a great time. I totally forgot about it. Later after we got home my amazing husband came to me and apologized for snapping at me and making me cry. Again, bringing us closer together instead of pushing us apart. My respect and admiration for him moved to another level. There is something absolutely admirable about a man coming to his wife and apologizing when he feels he has wronged her. That's one of the things I love most about him, the way he is always thoughtful and aware of his actions and how they impact me. He chooses to speak with grace and encouragement and is not afraid to man up and say sorry when needed. We need more men, husbands and fathers like him in this world. All I know, is I am the most lucky, blessed woman alive to spend my life with this man. I can see God smiling down on him, proud of the man he is and is becoming.
So if you take one thing out of this post, let it be this. Husbands, wives, remember, your actions and your words show your spouse how much you value and love them. The way your react, the way you choose to show up is very important to the intimacy of your relationship. Every word, every action, ever act of labor, every time you react, you are either speaking life or taking away. Be a spouse that chooses to give life and you will see your marriage thrive in ways that are unspeakable.
Keep striving in faith and never give up.
In Christ's Love, KrissElise
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