Promise Me

In the shadow of the cold November rain she stood,

Fingers running softly across the deep mahogany wood,

A single tear slipped down her face,

Breathing in the smell of the freshly dug earth,

Silently holding a single white rose,

“I don’t know what to say,” her words but a whisper,

“All these years I hoped and prayed,

Now all I have is questions as I stand here at your grave,

Why you taught me how to live without you, I’ll never understand,

Over this time you’ve become a stranger I hardly know,

I really thought that one day you’d change your mind,”

“Now in a moment I’ll step away,

Give them the word and they’ll lower you into the ground,

In my world, you died the day you walked away,

But today the hope that one day you’d come back is gone,

All my questions will remain as now it’s my turn, to walk away,”

Tears slid down her face, grieving for who he could have been,

As she watched them lower the casket seven feet deep,

“I’ll never in all my life understand, not why you didn’t love me…”

Her gaze turned to the four young children standing quietly with their dad,

“But why you used me as a reason to not love them,”

White rose fell from her hands and she turned away,

Her husband stepped forward and wrapped her in his embrace,

“Baby you know you can’t stop the hands of death,

Though I know you’d give your all just to give him one more chance,”

She buried her face in his chest,

With a sob she said, 

“Promise me you will always love them, even when they mess up,

No matter how far away they go that you’ll welcome them home,

Promise me you will always be their daddy”

She looked up into his eyes which glistened with unshed tears,

“Of course baby, I will always love them,”

And he squeezed her tight.

~Kriss Elise

 

And... Life Keeps Changing!

It's been a bit since I've blogged last, and since then our life has taken a new turn. We are expecting our first child in January! We couldn't be more excited to start our family! Thankfully in the terms of pregnancy, I have gotten by relatively easy so far. In two weeks we have our 17-week checkup and should be able to find out if we are welcoming a little boy or a little girl into the world. I have to say these last couple months have been a challenge and a growing experience. As for my husband, he has been incredible. I could not be more blessed to have such a patient, gentle, loving man walking through life and pregnancy with me. He's dealt with me crying for no reason (which he still doesn't understand) mood swings, fatigue, nausea and the list goes on with more gentleness and love than I could have ever expected. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the amazing father my child has even before he or she is born.


I've served in ministry in many ways, from cleaning the church, being a youth leader and going on mission trips overseas and now, I realize my greatest mission of all is just beginning. Teaching, leading and raising my children to be godly followers of Christ. It terrifies me and excites me all at once. In fact in church last Sunday I was overwhelmed to the point of tears when we were singing the hymn "Pour it Out" I've heard the song before but in that moment the depth of it really hit me.

"Oh the depths of Your mercy
That saves a wretch like me
And the waves of forgiveness
Your blood that covers me

Pour it out
Pour it out

Oh the weight of Your glory
That brings me to my knees
And the power of Your presence
That heals and sets me free

I will worship I will love You
I will lift You up
Give You honor praise and glory
I will pour it out"

It was kind of like seeing my life flash before my eyes, the depths of His mercy, the waves of His forgiveness, the weight of glory, the power of His presence.... all which set me free. I saw who I was as a teenager, one who was deemed hopeless. A victim of sexual assault, bitter at the world, a girl with a rough past, confused and alone, headed down the wrong path... my life should have spiraled downhill, but for mercy and grace. Jesus stepped in, he sent me guardian angels in the form of a family, to help me navigate through life and onto a better road. I only needed a taste of that... a taste of the love, freedom, grace, mercy, forgiveness... and it was water to a parched soul, like none other I'd ever tasted. This water promised life. A beautiful, thriving life. I set my eyes on that and never looked back.

I could have followed who people told me I was, I could have fallen into being a "victim", I could have stayed on the path I was on, let myself be defined by the past, by my mistakes, by the mistakes of my childhood parents. I could have followed any path, but for the strength in which I possess through Christ.... here I am.

Married to the man of my dreams, the man God chose for me years ago, living a full and thriving life, growing daily in my relationship with Christ. I am surrounded by family who loves me, and I'm preparing to welcome my child into this world. I am excited about life, the future, becoming a better wife and being a mom. My past, it has no hold over me, it does not define who I am or who I can become. Did it take me time and struggles to get her? Yes. But I am living proof that God can take a broken, shattered life and make it whole and beautiful. No matter how rough your past, how deep the pit, how broken and messed up you think you are, a life is never too far gone for God to redeem to recreate into a beautiful masterpiece.

I am overwhelmed, brought to my knees in humble gratitude, honor, and adoration for my Abba Father, for my Lord. He is my life, my every breath, I owe all to him. 

~Kriss Elise

Our beautiful baby at 12 weeks

 

Reflecting On My Love

This morning I sit out here breathing in the beautiful Montana air. It's my quiet time, time with God, time to write, time to reflect. My husband is off to another ten hour day of work and that's where I find my mind wandering. To the man that just a few short months ago stood at the alter and promised his love to me. The man who I believe is the greatest in the world. I don't post about him all the time on social media, he's not my mcm on instagram, you don't see a million pictures of us making out... because most of the time I like to keep what we have between us, the sacredness of it hidden away not splayed for the world to see, comment or like. But sometimes I'm so overwhelmed, so moved that I must write, and I must share with you all what a good husband is like. 

My husband is not perfect. He is human. He makes mistakes. He gets frustrated. He is my hero. When God handpicked him out for me, he knew he was the perfect one for me to grow with for the rest of my life. We have already come so far in our relationship and marriage in such a short time and a lot of that is due to the amazing man my husband is. 

In January we are expecting our first child, we couldn't be more excited! With that being said... pregnancy is not always easy. Here's the thing that a lot of people forget though and I've been guilty of it myself. People tend to focus on how hard it is for the woman, how much it affects her. You never hear of how hard it is for the husband. He has dealt with the crazy mood swings, the extreme fatigue when all I wanted to do was sleep. He's been so patient and kind throughout me crying over little things, or not knowing why I'm crying at all. He's the one who is constantly there to reassure me, to calm my racing mind. He's been a champ throughout the whole time I've felt sick and moody. Always checking in to see how I'm feeling and what he can do for me. Reminding me that I'm beautiful when I don't feel like it. Reminding me of all I do for our family when I feel like all I've done was lay on the couch. A lot of guys don't know how to deal with a pregnant woman or can't and remain a little distant. Not mine, he's been right there through each week. He loves our baby and I think that is the most precious thing. Many times it is hard for the dad to bond with and unborn child, sometimes even for the mom but to see his love, to hear him ask about the baby, or talk to the baby who can't even hear yet.... makes me want to cry. My child is going to be so lucky to have such an amazing dad. 

All the while he's working long hours to provide for us, spending his time off fixing things around the house, preparing for the baby, taking care of the yard, and still making time to spend with me. Then on Sunday we go worship God together with other believers and every week, I'm reminded of how blessed I am. There are truly no words to describe all that he does for me, all that he is, all that he wants to do. He supports me, he is patient, kind, gentle... he wants to give me the world, but he doesn't realize that he is my world. 

Take a moment this week to reflect and ponder on all the things that your husband does that often go unappreciated and unnoticed. Thank him for it. Remind him of how much he means to you and how lucky you are to be his wife. 

I waited on God, and he gave me a man better than all my dreams. 

~KrissElise

She Loved The Storm

Arms outstretched, standing in the open field,
Wind tearing wildly through her hair,
She loved the storm, she was born that way,
The frozen rain came down in a fury,
Pain and scars left in it's wake,
Trees crashed in the forest, branches flew,
Yet there she stood, unfazed,

The barn silhouetted against the sky a short distance off,
Livestock watching beneath the shelter of it's roof,
Neighbors called out from their houses,
Pleading her to seek safety and warmth,
Yet the girl remained, despite the pain,
Because she loved the storm,

They all said she was crazy, maybe she was,
Rumor had it she was a little broken, a little disturbed,
One thing was clear, she loved with no reserve,
Perhaps that's why she stayed,
Thunder deafening the silent night,
Lighting bolts electrify the sky,

Nobody really knows where she came from,
Her story stayed behind closed doors,
Locked in a dark past where she emerged,
All anybody could really say is she knew how to love,
She just didn't know how to stop.

One last roll of thunder,
One last streak of lighting,
The field was lit ablaze,
Charred wet grass, rainbow in the sky,
Her wild soul met it's fate,

In the dark shadows they stood unseen,
Why did we let her go? Why didn't we fight? They asked,
In the end, what was so important about always being right?

No clock to turn back the hands of time,
Just empty space to return,
No more pleas for love or time,
No phone calls, texts, or days to wait,

The time was gone and so was she,
Only one question left unanswered,
What about her was so broken,
That she wasn't worth loving? 

~KrissElise

Five things I've learned in the first month of my marriage.

1. If you strive for a godly marriage, Satan will fight you. To put it simply.... when we strive towards God, we threaten Satan. He wants to distract us from God's will. He wants to break apart marriages, create mistrust and doubt. And I've come to find out in the short time that I have been engaged and married that it will come in the ways you least expect it. It will come out of the blue. Don't be surprised. Be ready.

2. A strong prayer life is essential. (If you don't have one, now is a great time to start.) It's actually a great part of what brought my husband and I together, kept us together and will keep us together for the rest of our lives on earth. Prayer is kind of like wifi, except more powerful. Wifi connects us to other people, the world, Google (what would we do without Google? or Siri) It connects businesses, social networking, shopping, now days you can pretty much do anything online. Adopt a dog, ship animals overseas or find a life partner. But prayer is a connection to the all-powerful, all-knowing, almighty God. Through prayer people are healed, lives are changed, marriages saved, hearts won for Christ.... the list goes on. It's powerful because its a straight connection that we have as sons and daughters to our Abba Father. Through the good and the bad, joyful and heartbreaking, prayer is a solid foundation that ties us together and to God. It's a place we can turn when all hope seems lost, when we are needing help, grace, love, comfort and simply when we are overwhelmed with gratitude.

3. Communication is key. It doesn't matter what you are doing in life. If you are doing it with other people than communicate, communicate, communicate cannot be said enough. It's something that can be hard for me because I grew up independent. Into my teen and early adult years I was my own person, made my own decisions. I watched out for myself because I realized nobody else was going to. I was used to doing things my own way and keeping much to myself. Now I have to constantly work on making sure I am communicating with my husband. Though it's a struggle sometimes, the more we communicate the stronger our marriage is and the closer together we are to each other.

4. You are never alone. (He's always watching you) Haha, I'm kidding. Mostly. ;) When I married my best friend I didn't fully understand what that meant. I'm not sure I do even now. It means I will always have somebody in my corner. I have somebody who will always have my back, wipe away my tears and pick me up when I fall down. I have somebody to make sure I eat, don't step on glass walking outside barefoot and don't run out of gas in my car. Somebody to talk to, be a listening ear, hold me and keep me warm on a rainy day. A shelter from life's blows and a partner to overcome every challenge with. One to share memories, joys and holidays. Somebody to pester, annoy and joke with. I can't even begin to describe what it feels like to know that I'll never be alone. What it's like to wake up in the morning and start the day with somebody by my side and to fall asleep with at night. 

5. Marriage is like life. Mixed up, crazy, and one hell of a ride. But it's so much more than worth it. It won't be like you imagined, dreamed or expected. But you learn as you go, you trust God, you love and you make memories and create a life together.

6. Yes I said five but this one is too good to pass up. Social media is overrated. The person who used to be an avid Facebook user faded into the unknown. Why? Because when you are watching a movie with your husband or out on a date, you don't really care if Facebook knows what movie you are watching or where you are eating. That picture you snapped of your handsome husband playing guitar... you suddenly feel like you want to keep that moment private between the two of you, tucked away in a box of photos to reminisce over one day or show to your kids. Life becomes much more private, special and intimate. Yes, I will brag about how great my husband is once in awhile but you won't see tons of cutesy pictures, he won't be my man crush Monday, there won't be long drawn out posts weekly about all he's done because I will be too busy telling him. Don't get me wrong, if we are out to coffee and you ask how he is, I won't miss a chance to tell about how great he is. But as good as social media can be, it's cheapening relationships, stealing intimacy and turning the words we should be telling our spouse into little paragraphs online for our hundreds of friends to see and like, stealing the special moment that otherwise might have been shared between two people and captured into a memory. 

So there you go. Short post. A few things about what I've learned in this journey so far. I am so excited to see where the next month, year, decade take us. What I learn and how God shows up. Aside from asking Christ into my heart, marrying my best friend is the best decision I have ever made. I don't regret it for a moment. I would love to hear in the comments what you've learned during your marriage. 

In Christ, KrissElise

Serve In Love

    One of the books I've been reading through recently to strengthen my marriage is called Marriage Matters by Winston T. Smith. It's a great book written on the foundation of God's word. Winston tells it like it is. This section really stood out to me as I read it and I wanted to share it with all of you.

 Honor Considers How to Build You Up
     Love isn't about getting your spouse to fill your sense of need. Jack Miller offers a great definition of what it means to serve one another in love: "Practically it means to labor to make others successful." Love involves your effort to make your spouse successful. What does it mean to be successful? 
     Recall that being made in the image of God means you have a destiny. As we've learned, you were created to mature and grow to be more like God, Have you ever looked at your spouse and considered that he or she was made to be a picture of God here on earth? Sin has done a lot to make it difficult for us to see that image in each other at times. Understanding that it's your job to shine and polish that image is one way to think about what it means to love your spouse,. When you're in tune with the fact that you stand before an image bearer and child of the almighty God, it's hard to see that person as an object that exists for your purposes. C.S. Lewis explained the weightiness of this reality and the obligations it brings this way:

     "It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people, You have never talked to a mere mortal."  

     Love practically means to labor to make your spouse successful. Wow. That is so true but a point that we can tend to pass over in life and marriage. One thing that this made me contemplate is the two drastically different choices we have. To build up or to tear down. To draw closer or to push away. To many wives the chores of home life become mundane. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, more dishes, caring for kids and/or pets, shopping, budgeting, go to bed just to get up and repeat. It can become tiring and never ending sometimes. I am blessed that God has drawn me to seek joy in the mundane. This section out of this book reminded me of another reason I do what I do. Because of love. When I cook dinner, serve my husband lunch, clean the house, fold the laundry... I'm telling him I love him in one of the best ways I know how. I am laboring to help him succeed. It makes his job and life easier and happier when he has home cooked meals and things around the home are taken care of. It helps him succeed as a husband. If he came home to the house trashed, three day old dishes in the sink, no clean laundry and no food, it would make it more difficult for him to fulfill his role as a husband. 

     Likewise, as he labors to love me, it helps me to succeed as a wife. When I can count on him to be there to fix things when they break, to provide a roof over our heads, it makes my job easier because I have less to worry about. When the car needs repairs, the pipes are frozen or I'm overwhelmed I can count on him and he helps me succeed. We've actually had several instances lately where he chose to react giving in love which drew us closer together instead of choosing himself and creating a barrier.

     A perfect example would be the time recently that our puppy Jake, woke up in the middle of the night and would not go back to sleep. I'd taken him outside, played with him, gave him water and tried to get him to go to sleep to no avail. I was particularly frustrated and emotional that night and Travis woke up to me crying. It would have been perfectly reasonable for him to tell me I was crazy, overemotional, being silly, but he didn't, instead he lovingly told me to go to sleep, that he would take care of the dog. That was a choice he made to serve in love. And in that 2am moment my heart grew just a tad fonder of the man that I fell in love with. 

   One other example before I end this post would be the time recently that we were meeting two other couples for a movie date night. He'd worked all day and part of the night, and was frustrated when circumstances ended up with us being late to head to the movie. Then the car headlights were glitching out and in the moment he spoke to me in a frustrated tone of voice. I don't deal well with people being upset, frustrated or mad and I tend to blame myself for anything that goes wrong. We were finally headed to the movie, him frustrated and me in tears. Now anybody who has been married for a time knows that this is part of life, it happens. And again, there are two different ways people can respond. Me, I knew he was just frustrated and didn't intend to snap at me. He assured me that it wasn't my fault and that he wasn't mad at me and we went to the movie, had a great time. I totally forgot about it. Later after we got home my amazing husband came to me and apologized for snapping at me and making me cry. Again, bringing us closer together instead of pushing us apart. My respect and admiration for him moved to another level. There is something absolutely admirable about a man coming to his wife and apologizing when he feels he has wronged her. That's one of the things I love most about him, the way he is always thoughtful and aware of his actions and how they impact me. He chooses to speak with grace and encouragement and is not afraid to man up and say sorry when needed. We need more men, husbands and fathers like him in this world. All I know, is I am the most lucky, blessed woman alive to spend my life with this man. I can see God smiling down on him, proud of the man he is and is becoming. 

    So if you take one thing out of this post, let it be this. Husbands, wives, remember, your actions and your words show your spouse how much you value and love them. The way your react, the way you choose to show up is very important to the intimacy of your relationship. Every word, every action, ever act of labor, every time you react, you are either speaking life or taking away. Be a spouse that chooses to give life and you will see your marriage thrive in ways that are unspeakable. 

Keep striving in faith and never give up.

In Christ's Love, KrissElise

Submitting With Joy

I want to share a struggle with all of you that my fiance and I had recently because I think others can learn from what I experienced. Today when I was talking to a young woman about life I used it as an example because it applies to many parts of life whether you are in a relationship or not. Therefore I decided to blog about it. 

There was a decision lately that my fiance made to go in a certain direction that he felt that God was leading him in ministry. Being the amazing man that he is, he brought it up with me and asked how I felt about it. We discussed it, agreed and life went on. However, I have a very hard time with change. I'd spent the last few years doing something a certain way and it was difficult for me to switch. Even though I knew that he was following God's leading, even though I wanted to follow his leadership, even though I believed what he wanted to do was a good thing. After a couple weeks went by I was upset about something else and we were talking when the subject came back up. Something during our discussion stood out to me. He reminded me of something I already knew but needed refreshed in my mind. He talked to me about how attitude is really important. How he felt like I was just present and wasn't wanting to be there or enjoying being part of what God was calling him to do. I'm a kind of emotional person and the conversation ended in tears on my part. But because I have an incredible man who supports and encourages me, instead of feeling bad and beating myself up about how I had handled things his gentleness drove me into prayer about the issue. 

After having some good "God time" I realized that there is a difference between doing something just because you know it's right and fear the consequences rather than submitting with joy. So I asked myself. Why am I not having a joyful heart? What is my heart motive? And while I pondered that I realized that I had a bad attitude because I was focused on me. So I began to ask myself, "how do I find joy in this?" For me, it was the simple realization that my deepest desire is to love and serve God and in turn love and serve my husband. My desire is to walk with him where God leads, help him and serve alongside him. So while he was at work I wrote him a letter. First apologizing for my wrong attitude. Second explaining why I felt the way I did and third telling him what my desire was. To serve with him, to follow where God leads with a joyful heart. I told him how much I loved him and how I looked forward to where God was leading us.

Now I know some will jump to conclusions, they will get all butt-hurt over the fact that I mention the words submission and obedience. They will worry that I'm just letting a guy make all the decisions and that I'm forced to follow. But before anybody gets that far let me say this, it was the most amazing feeling ever for him to read that letter, to come find me, talk to me, thank me and love me. It drew us closer together and closer to God. Now as we move forward in ministry we are of the same mind and heart and I can help him with joy, love and admiration as he leads. All because of the condition of my heart. 

So for you guys out there reading this... if you take away anything from this post let it be this... there will be times when the woman in your life isn't following your lead like she should be, there will be times that she's headed down a different path than you or disagrees with you. That's a given fact, give it enough time it's gonna happen. But when it does, you have two choices. You could pull the Bible out and tell her how she's a woman so she's supposed to be submitted to you and that she's wrong, dragging you down or affecting things in a negative way. Or you can come to her gently like Travis did. He had a conversation and said exactly what he thought, he told the truth for what it was. He told me how my attitude affected the ministry that God was leading him in. It affected the others involved and it affected his attitude. Yet all the while he was gentle, he was encouraging, he reminded me of how blessed he is to have me in his life, he hugged me, he told me he loved me. The first way, more than likely is going to grow the distance between the two of you. It's going to make things worse as she will probably react in opposition. The second way will hopefully draw you together, she will look up to you as you lead her gently, and love her all the while. 

For the women... you cannot control how your partner comes to you. A wise man once told me that the only thing you can control in a conversation is how you show up. That's very true and something I try to remember in life. Hopefully when there is an issue your man will come to you gently, with love and respect like mine did. However, either way, you get to control how you show up. You are not responsible for him, only for you. There will be times when your partner/husband comes to you to discuss an area where you are wrong. Please listen to what he says, affirm his place as the godly leader in your relationship. Let him know you hear what he is saying and let it drive you into prayer about it. Try your best to see where he is coming from. If he brought it up he must think it matters. When you are wrong, swallow your pride and ask for forgiveness. Find out your heart motive, find joy in service, obedience and submission. When you do, you will find like I have that it is a blessing and not a curse. 

For those of you not in a relationship, (and even those who are) what are areas currently in your life that you are living in obedience and submission but do not have joyful heart and attitude? How can you change that? Also remember like Colossians 4:6 says, "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer each person." Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." There are many, many verses on how we should speak with grace, uplifting one another with our words. Speaking life. It makes a world of difference. 

I could and will spend the rest of my life talking about how incredible my man is. Not because he himself is good and worthy of praise but because he lets God work and live through him. Because every day he tries to be a better man. Because he realizes that he is unworthy of all that God has given him starting with the very breath he breathes. I am blessed to have him as my spiritual and life leader. I am honored to be his wife, submitted to him, loving him, serving him, and walking through life alongside him. It is the greatest blessing to be with him through the good, the rough and the indifferent. I hope something out of this touched your heart and will lead you to be a more godly man or woman. It's a journey, we won't get it perfect but as long as each day we are focusing on reflecting Christ better to those around us we will be getting somewhere. 

Remind your significant other how lucky you are to have them. Tell them how much you love them. Live the godly life and don't give up hope. Keep faith. 

In Christ, KrissElise

1,274 Days Of Waiting - Now He's Mine

On September 17th 2016 my sweetheart serenaded me with a song that he wrote especially for me, got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I cried. (I also said yes) That day I realized in full reality that I had finally got what I waited 1,274 days for. And in that moment, every single moment I had waited for him was so worth it. Let me give you a little bit of history here about myself....

I was the kind of girl who grew up in a tough family situation. I learned early to be independent and to rely on myself. I also learned that it was best to be tough, shut off your feelings and protect yourself, because if you didn't nobody else would. I also was not impressed with guys. (and no, unlike many people thought I was never attracted to women either haha) I just wasn't into the dating game. I didn't want the drama. And honestly most guys frustrated me with their immaturity and lackadaisical approach to life. I'd also been hurt by guys in many different ways over the years and wasn't interested in getting in a relationship that would put me in a position where they had control. My friends and coworkers would always be talking about "cute guys" and "hot guys" and I was just like whatever. I could care less. 

Then came a special Friday in April 2013 that would change the direction of my life forever. Though at the time I had no clue. I went to the life group at my future adoptive parents house like I did every Friday. But today was different. There was a guy there. It would take me awhile to admit it to myself, and even longer to admit it to anybody else, but he was handsome. Not handsome like the "hot" movie character guys who all think they are something else, but like drop dead handsome. Without even having a clue. Like in a crowd of people he stands out from the rest. I'm not sure what it was about him... not only was he attractive but I felt drawn to him, to his personality... to something deeper. And to be honest... I hated it. I've gotten somewhat better now, but back then I was a major control freak. The fact that I couldn't control my feelings irritated me to no end. Yet I couldn't resist wanting to see him again, to get to know him better. To hear his voice, understand what made him tic. He was strong, capable, independent, he voiced his opinion, stood up for the truth he was compassionate, funny, and not to mention had the cutest smile ever. A part of me deep down inside knew from that day that I wanted him. And that feeling would be one to drive me crazy for years.

So fast forward... the next week we went out together, got to know each other some, we were both struggling with some life stuff, both busy with work and he grew distant. By then I had become fairly certain that God was telling me that this was the guy for me. I didn't know what else to do so I started praying. Little did I know that after three years, God would answer my prayer. Meanwhile many of the people close to me were worried because at 19, 20, 21 years of age, I was still showing no real outward interest in guys. Ninety-nine percent of my thoughts about Travis I kept to myself. People would think I was crazy and they did. Heck even I thought I was crazy. Over the years I was talked into going on several set up dates. I remember one...I don't even remember now who talked me into it, I think the guy's name was Justin, maybe it was Jason. Anyway, we met for lunch. He was sitting in the restaurant booth trying to keep conversation going and before we even got food ordered I told him the truth. I told him that there was another guy that I liked, that I wouldn't sit there and pretend to be interested in him when I couldn't get somebody else off of my mind. He understood, thanked me and we went our separate ways. Time went on... the few people who knew that I was hung up over some guy who didn't even really talk to me anymore were quite sure that I was insane. I wouldn't argue with that fact. Three years passed by and people started really getting on my nerves. I was going to a college age Bible study and I made the mistake of mentioning to somebody that one of the guys there was kind of attractive. Suddenly I was thrown into the drama of supposedly wanting a relationship with this guy that little known to me was the crush of many girls in town. I also had people pushing me to initiate a relationship with him. I tried to like him. I did my best thinking that maybe if I just liked him it would get people off my back. Next thing I knew I was hearing from a friend of a friend that I didn't show up to the girls Valentines night out because that guy wasn't going to be there. (Truth is I was sick with the flu) When I heard that, I swear I lost it. I was frustrated dealing with all this drama about a guy that I didn't really want anyway. I told them just that in words a little harsher than I probably should have. I told that person about this guy that I really wanted. The only one I really ever wanted. It was shortly after that I just started telling people that I was planning on staying single my whole life. Because if I couldn't have Travis I didn't want anybody else. When I talked to God I still felt like he was the one. Going out with any other guy seemed wrong. A few short months later, Easter of 2016 I get a text out of the blue from Travis. 

We got together, caught up on life and by our second date we were discussing where we saw our relationship going. I wasn't sure about it all. I mean this was what I'd been praying for just almost three years now, so I shouldn't have been surprised that God answered but... really? I kind of felt like I was in a dream. (Sort of still do) Like is this really happening? I had just decided that I was fine with being single for the rest of my life and then God is like "okay, now is a perfect time for Travis to come back into the picture." Spring turned into the best summer of my life as I dated and fell deeper and deeper in love with my best friend. Then he proposed to me... I left for Uganda three days later... we spent five incredibly hard weeks apart and then I came home to start planning our wedding. Where does that leave us now? That leaves me counting down the last month until I get to marry the most amazing guy on God's green earth. Has it all been sweet and easy? No. We've had our share of ups and downs, our struggles especially as we learn to deal with my past. There have been frustrations, tears, and stress but that is all insignificant compared to the joy, the love, the thrill of starting my life and seeing my future with my first, only and last love. 

I've been blessed to see many different areas of Travis's personality. I see him strong, confident, leader, 100% all guy. I see a handsome, cute, gorgeous man. I've also got to see the tenderness, the sensitive side. I've seen him stand his ground and argue his point with people. I've also got to experience the tender side when he's listening to every word I say and the ones I don't. I've felt the rough callouses on his hands from his manual labor job and I've also felt his tender touch on my face as he looks into my eyes. He thinks he's ordinary. He doesn't see what I see. But I know what an amazing guy he is, I know how blessed I am and I try to tell him so every single day. I got to fall in love with one guy. I got to give him everything I have. What are the chances of that? I get to marry the first and only guy I ever dated. I get to spend the rest of my life loving him. Giving him everything I have. I have to say I have been an emotional wreck the past few months and confuse the poor guy. Half of the time because I'm crying because I'm so happy. Because I'm so blessed. The other day we were talking and I was trying to hold the sobs back as I was overwhelmed with how lucky my kids will be to have a dad who is loving and affectionate to their mom. I could write a whole new post on that topic as it's something coming from my background that I will never take for granted. 

Anyway before this post gets too long I'll wrap up, I guess it turned into a post a little more on how we met and got to the point of being married but that's okay. I have the rest of my life to try and find words to describe how amazing my man is, and how absolutely lucky and blessed I am. I am so proud of the man he is, I am so proud to be his. I will never be thankful enough for God bringing him into my life, for putting us together and I cannot wait to continue this exciting journey with him! 

I will end with a little encouragement to all the single men and women out there. Find joy and peace in the waiting, don't rush it, don't feel like you have to settle for somebody because you are getting "old". The best thing you can do right now is to pray for your future spouse. Make a habit of it. And work on letting God mold you into a godly man or woman who will be ready when God brings the right one into your life. Waiting can be hard, frustrating, even heartbreaking, but I can testify from my own story that your wait will not be in vain. I believe God blesses those who trust in him and wait on his timing. My life is living proof of that. Not in my own strength but in God's. What I have now is so good because I learned to find joy in the waiting, I focused on molding myself to Christ's image and learning to be a good wife someday. I am far from it but each day I learn something new, I'm challenged in a new way and each day I grow a little closer to who I want to be. Stay strong, keep faith and don't lose your trust in God's plan. He knows what he's doing. He has a plan that is far better than yours. Until next time, God bless you as you seek and obey his will. 

In Christ, KrissElise 

Prayer

What actually is prayer? Is it something we say before a meal? A blessing we say only when somebody is ill? A picture we share on Facebook because it tells you that God won't bless you if you don't type "Amen" and click share? Is that what prayer has become? Something we do when we need something from a higher power than us? A powerless thing that we toss around as if it really has no significance?

During the last year or so God has really been impressing upon me not only the importance of prayer but the absolute need for a strong prayer life. Going to Uganda I believe was part of that. While I was there, prayer wasn't a choice, an option or an afterthought. Prayer is what kept me going, protected me and helped me be used by God.

One of my biggest revelations was this... even if in a moment we had everything we could ever need, we would still desperately need to pray. Prayer is our connection with God. It's the direct communication line with our Father. We can be on top of the highest mountain or deep in down in the darkest pit and find him the moment we speak. We can be lost deep in the forest of life or riding high on the top and each moment we need him just as deeply as the next. There's no place we can go, nothing anybody can do to severe that connection. Prayer I believe is the purest form of worship. We go before our holy, almighty, perfect Savior and he listens. We can come as we are, broken, lost, unsure, scared, sinful... and he hears our cry. We need that connection with God. Sometimes it's the days where things are going best that I feel I need God the most. I need a heart to heart connection with him, I need him to hear my praise, to hear my worship, to know how much I adore Him. Then there are times of struggle, there is the ordinary every day life. How does prayer fit in? Honestly, I think it is essential to life and none of us really know the full power of it. Prayer is powerful because we have a holy Father listening to our words.

The whole year of 2016 is one that constantly brought me to my knees in desperation prayer and then with my arms stretched wide in adoration to my King. The beginning of the year brought the re-connection with an old friend. One I'd kept in my nightly prayers for several years. Overwhelmed, unsure, confused.... I wasn't sure what God was doing. (I'd been praying for this and now God was answering but I was completely caught off guard) I'm somebody who likes to be in control. I like to know what I'm doing and this was an area of life where I really had no experience whatsoever. So many times a day I found myself on my knees asking for guidance and wisdom. With that God began preparing me for a relationship with the man that he planned me to spend my future with. Along with all that I had found out that there was a possibility that I might have cancer, that brought me into a deeper relationship and prayer life than ever before. The tests dragged out, and even though it was only the span of a couple weeks it seemed like an eternity, but in that time I saw God and life in a whole new light. I took a risk and I fell in love with my best friend, I told him how I felt about him. We started dating and summer flew by. Quickly approaching was the date for me to leave the country for a five week mission trip. Three days before I left he proposed to me and I said yes. Then crying I boarded the plane that would take me overseas. One of the hardest things I've ever done was leave the one I love standing at the airport.

My time in Uganda... I'm not sure I can ever fully articulate my experience there because I think it's something that you have to experience firsthand. Corinthians 6:12 came to life. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." We were in a village that has some of the highest witchcraft and evil practices present. A lot of what I did while I was over there was prayer. When you go to a foreign country, to a place like that you want to fix everything. But you can't. You find that the power is all God's and one of your most important jobs is to intercede for others. There was specifically this one day when I was walking through the little village praying and I could literally feel the presence of evil all around me. I felt it so strongly I imagined I could reach out my hand and touch it. I knelt there in the middle of the dirt road and prayed, and its like I could see this picture of demons and satanic powers lining all sides of the road. They were trying to get to me, they were all around me but there in-between us were God's angels sent to guard me. They were fighting against the spiritual forces of darkness making the path clear for me and keeping me from harm. That picture hasn't left my mind. I realized how real that is every moment and we don't see it. Over there you can't help but see it. People openly practice witchcraft, people cast spells, demonic powers are alive and rampant. Back here in America we can forget. But that picture is true wherever we go. When we are driving down the road to work, playing with our kids, cooking dinner or hugging our spouse. And even more so when we kneel to pray or open our Bible to read. Satan is always out there trying to cause us to stumble, sending demons to cause us to lose faith or doubt. And so creates the spiritual warfare all around us as God's angels protect us from harm. In Uganda, prayer is an essential for survival. I don't think a believer could survive there without that connection with God.

So how does that apply to us in America? I think it is just as important or maybe even more so. Because especially when life is going good we let it slide. We put prayer on the back burner. A last resort to turn to when all else fails. But it's so much more than that. Prayer is a means of warfare we wage against the devil. It connects us to the one who has the power to change our circumstances and to change our hearts. The Bible says to be praying at all times in the Spirit. I believe we should be in constant connection to our Father. How can we expect our marriages to thrive, our children to grow into godly men and women without prayer? How can we complain about how awful life is when we are slacking in our prayer lives? I've spent close to a year in a relationship with the man who will soon be my husband. In just over a month we will say our marriage vows and begin our life as husband and wife. I can say with certainty already that without prayer we would not be together. And I know that without it there is no way that we will be able to stay together for the course of our lives. God has to be involved. He has to be the centerpiece of everything. 

Most of all... if you aren't staying plugged in to God, how do you expect to remain charged and ready for the life laid out before you? Take some time this week and dedicate it to quiet time to really connect your heart to God. And don't just make it another thing that you check off your to do list, integrate it into your life, let it seep into every aspect, every detail of every day.

Keep faith my fellow brothers and sisters and fight the good fight.

In Christ, KrissElise

The above picture is from a very powerful movie on prayer.