There was a decision lately that my fiance made to go in a certain direction that he felt that God was leading him in ministry. Being the amazing man that he is, he brought it up with me and asked how I felt about it. We discussed it, agreed and life went on. However, I have a very hard time with change. I'd spent the last few years doing something a certain way and it was difficult for me to switch. Even though I knew that he was following God's leading, even though I wanted to follow his leadership, even though I believed what he wanted to do was a good thing. After a couple weeks went by I was upset about something else and we were talking when the subject came back up. Something during our discussion stood out to me. He reminded me of something I already knew but needed refreshed in my mind. He talked to me about how attitude is really important. How he felt like I was just present and wasn't wanting to be there or enjoying being part of what God was calling him to do. I'm a kind of emotional person and the conversation ended in tears on my part. But because I have an incredible man who supports and encourages me, instead of feeling bad and beating myself up about how I had handled things his gentleness drove me into prayer about the issue.
After having some good "God time" I realized that there is a difference between doing something just because you know it's right and fear the consequences rather than submitting with joy. So I asked myself. Why am I not having a joyful heart? What is my heart motive? And while I pondered that I realized that I had a bad attitude because I was focused on me. So I began to ask myself, "how do I find joy in this?" For me, it was the simple realization that my deepest desire is to love and serve God and in turn love and serve my husband. My desire is to walk with him where God leads, help him and serve alongside him. So while he was at work I wrote him a letter. First apologizing for my wrong attitude. Second explaining why I felt the way I did and third telling him what my desire was. To serve with him, to follow where God leads with a joyful heart. I told him how much I loved him and how I looked forward to where God was leading us.
Now I know some will jump to conclusions, they will get all butt-hurt over the fact that I mention the words submission and obedience. They will worry that I'm just letting a guy make all the decisions and that I'm forced to follow. But before anybody gets that far let me say this, it was the most amazing feeling ever for him to read that letter, to come find me, talk to me, thank me and love me. It drew us closer together and closer to God. Now as we move forward in ministry we are of the same mind and heart and I can help him with joy, love and admiration as he leads. All because of the condition of my heart.
So for you guys out there reading this... if you take away anything from this post let it be this... there will be times when the woman in your life isn't following your lead like she should be, there will be times that she's headed down a different path than you or disagrees with you. That's a given fact, give it enough time it's gonna happen. But when it does, you have two choices. You could pull the Bible out and tell her how she's a woman so she's supposed to be submitted to you and that she's wrong, dragging you down or affecting things in a negative way. Or you can come to her gently like Travis did. He had a conversation and said exactly what he thought, he told the truth for what it was. He told me how my attitude affected the ministry that God was leading him in. It affected the others involved and it affected his attitude. Yet all the while he was gentle, he was encouraging, he reminded me of how blessed he is to have me in his life, he hugged me, he told me he loved me. The first way, more than likely is going to grow the distance between the two of you. It's going to make things worse as she will probably react in opposition. The second way will hopefully draw you together, she will look up to you as you lead her gently, and love her all the while.
For the women... you cannot control how your partner comes to you. A wise man once told me that the only thing you can control in a conversation is how you show up. That's very true and something I try to remember in life. Hopefully when there is an issue your man will come to you gently, with love and respect like mine did. However, either way, you get to control how you show up. You are not responsible for him, only for you. There will be times when your partner/husband comes to you to discuss an area where you are wrong. Please listen to what he says, affirm his place as the godly leader in your relationship. Let him know you hear what he is saying and let it drive you into prayer about it. Try your best to see where he is coming from. If he brought it up he must think it matters. When you are wrong, swallow your pride and ask for forgiveness. Find out your heart motive, find joy in service, obedience and submission. When you do, you will find like I have that it is a blessing and not a curse.
For those of you not in a relationship, (and even those who are) what are areas currently in your life that you are living in obedience and submission but do not have joyful heart and attitude? How can you change that? Also remember like Colossians 4:6 says, "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer each person." Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." There are many, many verses on how we should speak with grace, uplifting one another with our words. Speaking life. It makes a world of difference.
I could and will spend the rest of my life talking about how incredible my man is. Not because he himself is good and worthy of praise but because he lets God work and live through him. Because every day he tries to be a better man. Because he realizes that he is unworthy of all that God has given him starting with the very breath he breathes. I am blessed to have him as my spiritual and life leader. I am honored to be his wife, submitted to him, loving him, serving him, and walking through life alongside him. It is the greatest blessing to be with him through the good, the rough and the indifferent. I hope something out of this touched your heart and will lead you to be a more godly man or woman. It's a journey, we won't get it perfect but as long as each day we are focusing on reflecting Christ better to those around us we will be getting somewhere.
Remind your significant other how lucky you are to have them. Tell them how much you love them. Live the godly life and don't give up hope. Keep faith.
In Christ, KrissElise
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