Saturday, January 30, 2016

Hungry For God

As a leader and missionary I find myself constantly attempting to get others involved, trying to lead them into being God chasers. America as a whole struggles to get people committed to the body and to devoting their lives to following Christ. We are constantly searching for people who are hungry for God.


Here is something I read about a Pastor in America talking to an Ethiopian pastor who lived in horrible poverty. He said, “Brother, we pray for you in your poverty.” The humble Ethiopian turned  and said, “No, you don’t understand. We pray for you in your prosperity.”  Seeing the taken aback look on the American Pastor’s face he continued, “We pray for you Americans because it is much harder for you to live at the place God wants you to live in the midst of prosperity, than it is for us in the midst of our poverty.”


I think that is such a key point. Most people you meet are starving. They try to meet that desperate need with anything and everything. Now days we turn to alcohol, physics, parties, medication, programs, money, possessions, status, professional psychologists, social acceptance… the list goes on. We try to fill that emptiness inside with all the stuff that America has to offer. We come to church to check it off our list, to socialize, to meet the "religious" part of us, some even come to sit and be taught. But how many of us come just because we are God chasers? We are following Him, running towards Him, we go to church because we fully expect to meet personally with our almighty, all powerful God.


How many times do we come to church on Sundays and completely miss the presence of God only because we didn’t really expect to meet with Him? But maybe we don’t actually want to meet with Him. Do we even know when He shows up? When you go to “church” on Sunday is God going to be there in the building? If so what is He doing? What is He saying? Who is He talking to? What if He shows up to personally talk to you? One of the things that scares me the most is becoming so complacent that when He does show up we either miss Him, or He finds us comfortably tipped back in our church seat napping and when He asks us about the things He has sent us to do we will not have an answer because the list is crumpled up in the garbage can. I believe that no matter how hard we pray or ask God to work, He will not pour out His Spirit on those who do not hunger for Him.


Do we really want Jesus? Or do we just like the idea of Him? Do we just like the things He has to offer? Or do we want Him to completely ruin us for the world? Do we really want Jesus? Or do we just want to know about Him? What will it take for us to be overwhelmed by His presence? For us to fall on our knees and bow our faces in reverence to our almighty God? What will it take for us to break out of our self-induced, self-absorbed comas and start really living for the One whose blood spilled out upon Calvary’s Hill?


A couple months ago I was once again sitting at the table having a conversation with my dad when he said something that really struck me.  “The one thing that comforts me is knowing that whatever God tells you to do, you will do because you don’t know how to stop following God.”


He is right. Rewind about 9 years. It was a spring day, I was alone, terrified, depressed, and hopeless. That’s when I met Jesus. He was there all along, I can see Him when I look back on my younger years but I’d never let Him in. That day I realized that only He could fill the starving part of my soul. At the time I was still living with my birth family and I had no clue what to do about this whole “following God” thing or what a real relationship with Him was like. In fact it was a few years after that when I got to meet my adoptive dad that I really started learning about who Jesus is and who we are in Him. I suddenly found that everything I had been taught about God needed to be rearranged and redefined. 

Somewhere during all the long talks and late nights a fire was lit inside my soul, one that could not be quenched. During the short course of my lifetime I have been through many struggles. Many of the things that happened, the things I had to go through were not easy to overcome. Sometimes I still struggle with them. It’s not easy to make the decision to choose God over your family, to forgive the man who tried to rape you, forget all the voices telling you that you aren’t worth it, to find love in your heart for somebody after years of being abused, it’s not easy to miss out on your sisters growing up, or overcome depression, anxiety and self-destructive habits. It’s the hardest thing in the world to break addictions and the chains that Satan so tightly bound you with. But here’s the good part. We can choose to let those struggles make us bitter against God or we can choose to believe Romans 5:1-5


“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Thankfully, my struggles ended up driving me straight into the arms of my God. And sometime during the course of finding my place in God’s plan, finding Him through the struggles and the dark I came to the realization… (I think I first really realized it when God told me to go to Peru) I came to the realization that I cannot say no. I have continually found that I am unable to say no to God. There are times when I’ll argue with him, I’ll try to rationalize and dance around the point but in the end I find that I have no choice but to follow my God wherever He leads.

Has it been easy? No way. Is it always easy now? Nope. Is it worth it? Without doubt. Many people often ask me if I could go back and restart would I? They want to know what I’d change. I struggle to answer that sometimes but in the end it always comes down to the fact that I wouldn’t change a thing. Because if I took out the tragic, the trials, the struggles, the dark parts… if I took that out... my faith wouldn’t be as deep as it is, the fire wouldn’t be quite so consuming and I wouldn’t know Jesus’s love like I do now. 

I don’t wish my life from here on out to be easy either, because if my life runs smoothly with no struggles, no parts that make me question what God is doing that make me drive deeper into His Word, I’ll become complacent. That is my biggest fear. I never want to become lukewarm, I never want to lose passion, I never want to forget how great God’s mercy and grace are over me. So I welcome the struggles, the trials that are sure to come because they will require me to take my faith to a deeper level, to run to my Father’s open arms and trust Him with my life.


And in the end… when I have done all that I was commanded, I say, “I am an unworthy servant; I have only done what was my duty.” *Luke 17-10


~KrissElise

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

A Moment With God

Tonight I find myself lying here awake, for the first time in over a week I've been able to finally just think over things. Early Monday morning, January 11th I was awoken to the call that my grandmother (birth dad's mom) had passed away that night. While it's a loss here on earth for those who loved her, I know that right now she is at the feet of Jesus and that there is nowhere better for her to be. This last week we have had lots of relatives out, some whom I have not seen in 10+ years. It was a great time in getting to know some of them and spending time together. Now they have all returned back to their homes and life goes on. So where does that leave things....

Since the start of this year I am finding that this year will be one of lots of big changes. I've met a lot of new friends, building relationships, moving in a more specific direction leading teens in a new church body, leading Bible studies, walking through life with friends, preparing for a longer mission trip back to Uganda and seeking God in a whole new way with new freedom this year. 

That's what I was lying here thinking about. All these changes, not knowing where God is leading things... especially with new friendships forming, not knowing if they will be ones that are just a passing phase or ones that last. It scares me a little because it's always hard putting my heart out there not knowing who will take it for granted or walk all over it. Then I immediately turned back to prayer as I have been trying so hard to make my first and natural thing to questions and life. I asked God for direction, for leading. For Him to reveal part of His plan to me, especially with a couple people in my life that I'm trying to figure out what God is doing with. And in a moment I felt the ultimate peace wash over me, and that still small voice say, "My child, wait, do not fear, I am bigger than all of that. Make Me your rock." And with a whole new clarity I realize so much deeper that none of it really matters.

Here I am, merely a poor (to the world's standards) small town girl, with a crappy past filled with mistakes and hurt, a future which many say I have thrown away, feeling a little lost in the middle of chaos wondering if I'm making the right choices and the God of creation, Lord of all looks down on me and reminds me of who He is, who I am in Him. He reminds me of the deep dark pit that He brought me out of. That He chose me and He will never forsake me. 

If the friends I have aren't here next year... God still will be.
If the guy I like doesn't have the same feeling... God still does.
If I lose the ones I love from this earth... God will comfort me.
When I make a wrong decision... God will have mercy.
When I fail... God will give me a second chance.
When I follow Him... He will lead me.
When I am small.... He is big.
When life is changing... God remains the same.
No matter what.... He is my Rock.

I realize that in the big picture... He is so much bigger than all the things in life that we worry and stress about. I don't know what this year involves but I am determined now more than ever to follow my Jesus with reckless abandon, to serve Him, watch Him do big things and make Him absolutely with no doubt Lord of my life. I know it will mean stepping out of my comfort zone as I've found out already. I know that it will mean doing the hard things. Standing up when everybody else is sitting down. Pressing on when I hear the voices of why I can't do what God has called me to do, that I'm too young, that I'm not qualified. I know it will mean giving up my ideas, my wants and my desires in trade for God's. Emptying myself so I can be filled with Him. I am filled with excitement and anticipation about the adventure that God has in store for me so I'm just gonna grab His hand and jump in with both feet. 

Get ready devil, with God, I'm unstoppable. I am so over you, your ideas and your condemnation that cannot stand in front of my Jesus. Get ready for one heck of a ride, you thought my life following Jesus threatened you before, you've only seen the beginning. Until Jesus comes back I am a force to be reckoned with, not because I'm good or strong but because I have the Spirit of Jesus Christ in me, so you can go back to hell where you belong. I'm done with you.

It's been awhile since I've blogged, started several blog posts but haven't finished any because I like them to be perfect. Well maybe it's time to let up a little on my own expectations for myself and just write what God wants me to. So here goes... check back because I will be having more posts in the near future. 

~KrissElise