Wednesday, January 20, 2016

A Moment With God

Tonight I find myself lying here awake, for the first time in over a week I've been able to finally just think over things. Early Monday morning, January 11th I was awoken to the call that my grandmother (birth dad's mom) had passed away that night. While it's a loss here on earth for those who loved her, I know that right now she is at the feet of Jesus and that there is nowhere better for her to be. This last week we have had lots of relatives out, some whom I have not seen in 10+ years. It was a great time in getting to know some of them and spending time together. Now they have all returned back to their homes and life goes on. So where does that leave things....

Since the start of this year I am finding that this year will be one of lots of big changes. I've met a lot of new friends, building relationships, moving in a more specific direction leading teens in a new church body, leading Bible studies, walking through life with friends, preparing for a longer mission trip back to Uganda and seeking God in a whole new way with new freedom this year. 

That's what I was lying here thinking about. All these changes, not knowing where God is leading things... especially with new friendships forming, not knowing if they will be ones that are just a passing phase or ones that last. It scares me a little because it's always hard putting my heart out there not knowing who will take it for granted or walk all over it. Then I immediately turned back to prayer as I have been trying so hard to make my first and natural thing to questions and life. I asked God for direction, for leading. For Him to reveal part of His plan to me, especially with a couple people in my life that I'm trying to figure out what God is doing with. And in a moment I felt the ultimate peace wash over me, and that still small voice say, "My child, wait, do not fear, I am bigger than all of that. Make Me your rock." And with a whole new clarity I realize so much deeper that none of it really matters.

Here I am, merely a poor (to the world's standards) small town girl, with a crappy past filled with mistakes and hurt, a future which many say I have thrown away, feeling a little lost in the middle of chaos wondering if I'm making the right choices and the God of creation, Lord of all looks down on me and reminds me of who He is, who I am in Him. He reminds me of the deep dark pit that He brought me out of. That He chose me and He will never forsake me. 

If the friends I have aren't here next year... God still will be.
If the guy I like doesn't have the same feeling... God still does.
If I lose the ones I love from this earth... God will comfort me.
When I make a wrong decision... God will have mercy.
When I fail... God will give me a second chance.
When I follow Him... He will lead me.
When I am small.... He is big.
When life is changing... God remains the same.
No matter what.... He is my Rock.

I realize that in the big picture... He is so much bigger than all the things in life that we worry and stress about. I don't know what this year involves but I am determined now more than ever to follow my Jesus with reckless abandon, to serve Him, watch Him do big things and make Him absolutely with no doubt Lord of my life. I know it will mean stepping out of my comfort zone as I've found out already. I know that it will mean doing the hard things. Standing up when everybody else is sitting down. Pressing on when I hear the voices of why I can't do what God has called me to do, that I'm too young, that I'm not qualified. I know it will mean giving up my ideas, my wants and my desires in trade for God's. Emptying myself so I can be filled with Him. I am filled with excitement and anticipation about the adventure that God has in store for me so I'm just gonna grab His hand and jump in with both feet. 

Get ready devil, with God, I'm unstoppable. I am so over you, your ideas and your condemnation that cannot stand in front of my Jesus. Get ready for one heck of a ride, you thought my life following Jesus threatened you before, you've only seen the beginning. Until Jesus comes back I am a force to be reckoned with, not because I'm good or strong but because I have the Spirit of Jesus Christ in me, so you can go back to hell where you belong. I'm done with you.

It's been awhile since I've blogged, started several blog posts but haven't finished any because I like them to be perfect. Well maybe it's time to let up a little on my own expectations for myself and just write what God wants me to. So here goes... check back because I will be having more posts in the near future. 

~KrissElise


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