You Walked Across The Room

We often like to dream,

Of how we might change the world,

Do something great, make an impact,

Save a life, change a direction,

A dramatic moment in time,

You follow God so closely,

Listen to His nudging without second thought,

You didn’t even know when that moment was,

It was normal for you, you do it every day,

It all happened when you walked across the room,

A 30 second encounter,

Five simple words in a question my life would hang on,

One quick hug to a random stranger,

You told her that she was loved

But it was more than that,

God used you in that moment,

To shine hope and love into my dark world,

Saving my life countless times over,

Not only that,

But you started a chain reaction,

Breaking a cycle,

Generations of brokeness and disfunction,

You changed things not only for me,

But for generations below me,

Now you have another daughter,

My children have a loving grandpa,

I have a godly husband,

Found healing from my past in Jesus,

I know who I am in Christ,

All because you listened,

When God gave you that little nudge,

And you walked across the room.

~Kriss Brewer 

November 2021

For Such a Time As This

 My Child,

The day is drawing near,
You will take your first breath,
Open your eyes to this big ol’ world,
I can’t wait to feel your heartbeat,
To smell the scent of a baby miracle,

I see so many people saying,
This isn’t the time to bring a baby into the world,
There is fear, challenges,
Obstacles we’ve never seen before,
Many fear for the state of the country,
The state of the world, even end times,

But daughter I know, I know without a doubt,
You were born for this time,
God created you to be brought to us,
On the very day, hour and even moment you will come,
I do not fear for us, I do not fear for you,

I want you to always know that I love you,
I will fight for you, cry with you,
Hold you when you make mistakes,
I will stand up for you,
But also teach you to stand for yourself,

Most of all I want you to know that you were wanted,
Loved from the very start,
Prayed for continually,
I know that as much as I love you,
God loves you more,
As much as I will fight for you,
Under His wing is where you will find protection,

There will be days as you grow,
You will fear what is to come,
But my daughter remember this,
God planned you from the very beginning,
He holds everything in His hands,
You are never out of His grasp, out of His plan,
Grow and learn to trust in Him,

Then you will face this world with courage,
Bravery and peace of what is to come,
You my little love will be a light in the darkness,
A lamp set up on a dark hill,
Shining hope in a world desperately grasping in the dark,
Through you, God can show the world His Son,

My prayers for you will follow you your whole life,
They have only just begun,
Someday when you are older you will read and understand,
Until then I will wrap you in my love,
Cherish you, treasure you,
Raise you and teach you,
Until God calls you to his work, whatever that may be,

I love you little one,
Be strong and have faith,

~Kriss Brewer
August 2021 

I Am VALUABLE!!!

 I AM VALUABLE!!!

~Kriss Elise Brewer June 2021

There she was,

Crumpled on the ground,

Crushed by the weight of opinion of the world,

A burden too heavy to bear,

They said she was too skinny,

But then they called her fat,

She didn’t graduate so couldn’t be smart,

They said she needed to live it up,

Go out for the night and let loose,

The weight of everybody’s opinions,

Their harsh words crowded in from all sides,

They blocked out the sun,

She built walls around her crushed soul,

She knew she had no value and no worth,

Didn’t even try to fight back,

They said she was too depressed,

Too down on life and not fun,

She didn’t have the face of beauty,

They said she was crazy,

She was a lost cause,

Too messed up for anybody to care,

But then she heard a voice,

Whisper in her ear,

You my daughter are valuable,

I hand chose you and formed you in the womb,

I called you by name and called you mine,

You are beautiful, made in God’s own image,

Slowly the weight of the world loosened a bit,

As she focused on that quiet voice,

It was loud enough to start drowning out the world,

She heard that she was created for a purpose,

Her life bought and redeemed by the blood of Christ,

She heard that she belonged, she was wanted and chosen,

That still small voice whispered hope,

A future, that there was a plan for her life,

Not to harm her but to prosper and bring her peace,

As she focused solely on His voice,

She started to trust what she knew to be truth,

She began to live in the grace that was offered,

Rising up off the ground,

Dropping the opinions of the world at the foot of the cross,

She found a new confidence, a new value,

What others said about her didn’t really matter anymore,

She was loved and valued by the One who called her by name,

She found beauty and peace,

Confidence and worth in Christ,

She knew who she really was,

Walking with a new hope for the future,

Finding a future full of blessings and peace,

Keeping her face towards the sun,

Leaving the shadows behind she started a whole new life,

She turned to all the voices,

Shouting louder than them all,

I am valuable!

If this spoke to you feel free to check out more of my writings at smalltownmontanagirl.blogspot.com

Always feel free to message me. If you feel alone, If the first part of this feels like where you are at right now, reach out beyond the voices and opinions to me and I will take your hand. If you were there before and are a safe place for others to reach out to drop a comment below.

Even Though... God Is...

Even though...

Their words cut like shrapnel,

The blows didn’t cease,

Tears overflowed endless buckets,

The dark seemed so much bigger than the light,

My future looked hopeless and bleak,

God was still faithful...

He was still there,

Though I couldn’t see Him,

He never left my side,

Drawing me nearer to Him through all the pain,

Even though...

I tried to get help and was turned away,

Sent back to the prison I so bravely escaped,

Those who should have stepped in, stepped out instead,

Right back to life with a gun to my head,

The cops failed, They looked the other way,

DHS didn’t do their job, we fell through the cracks,

God is good...

He protected me,

Held me under his wing,

Drawing me to a saving relationship,

Showing me the love of a Father,

Adopting me as a child,

Even though…

The dark years were so long,

As I was finally on my own,

Yet didn’t know what a real life was like,

Many nights driving back roads,

Wondering what it would be like,

To drive off the edge for nobody to find,

God was there…

He kept that little light at the end of the tunnel,

Kept my steering wheel straight on the road,

Through the years of blood and pain,

The depression and anxiety,

Bad thoughts and dangerous addictions,

God lifted me, He raised me up,

Even though…

I didn’t deserve an ounce of His love,

His goodness, mercy or grace,

He redeemed me, brought me out of my suffering,

In due time blessed me with all I could desire,

Healed the brokenness, restored my soul,

God is holy, almighty, He is GOOD.

When times are rough sometimes we wonder where he is,

We wonder why He let us go through hard times and pain,

All the what ifs or could have beens,

But all in his timing, all in his plan that one day I will understand…

God used my pain for healing, He is using it to reach others,

In all of life… God still is who He is…He is good. Even though life circumstances will be hard.

~Kriss Elise

But Jesus

 But Jesus

~Kriss Brewer - March 2021

My heart breaks for those destined for hell,

For those who have kept the circle of abuse spinning,

Those who have chosen to harm others,

To cause their children to stumble,

Believing the lies, believing that's all they could do,

My heart cries, my heart breaks,

At the same time I dwell in grace,

I am humbled and amazed,

Because I know without a doubt,

That could be me,

I was only one step away,

From continuing the same path,

Keeping the cycle of abuse alive,

Living in the lie that it couldn’t be better,

That I could never be enough,

But Jesus….

But Jesus stepped down and took my hand,

At the foot of the cross my burden of sin was lifted,

As forgiveness poured over me the chains were broken,

The path of destruction before my feet crumbled away

As Jesus took me by the hand,

Led me down a path that I had never seen,

Opened my eyes to a brand new love,

A brand new life,

Where love and peace abounds,

Words and touch don’t have to hurt,

I watch as my daughter runs up,

Hugs and kisses and no fear of me,

My son snuggles up between Mommy and Daddy,

Safe and secure,

Tears roll down my face,

I feel the intense weight,

How deep grace and mercy is,

The freedom in salvation,

Love of our heavenly Father,

My story would be so different….

But Jesus. But Jesus.

I Could Have Had a Really Different Story

 Last Sunday at church we sang a song I've heard a million times. Nobody Loves Me Like You by Chris Tomlin. There's a verse in there that says, "I could have had a really different story, but you came down from heaven to restore me, forever saved my life". It really struck me. 

I have an amazing life. A loving, godly husband and two gorgeous kiddos with another on the way. We have everything we need plus some. Parents who love me and are incredible grandparents to my children. A million different siblings each with our own connection. But it wasn't always this way....

My story could have been really different. My childhood was filled with trauma, 13 years old had me depressed, and ready to leave this world behind. 13 years old I was going to cut through my blood veins. I wanted the emotional/spiritual pain I was in to end and I wanted everyone to know how much pain they had put me through to bring me to the point of bleeding out on my bedroom floor. That's where Jesus came and filled me. Where I met him face to face and asked him to come into my life.

18 years old found me without a home, alone, lost, abandoned, severe anxiety, depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. That's when God brought two people into my life who would drastically change the direction of my story. Away from a road of darkness and defeat towards the light and love that I could find as a Child of God's. 

Sometimes being years away now from those really dark days it's easy to forget, easy to forget how dark it was and how much time, effort and love my adoptive parents poured into me. Years of it. The other day my dad was going through letters from me, apparently he keeps ALL of them. He ran across the envelope of razor blades that I gave him when we were working through things, when I knew I knew I couldn't keep them anymore. Really took me back and reminded me of how incredibly grateful I am for all the little ways God worked in my life and all the people he brought to cross my path to bring me to where I am today. 

I used to hide my struggles, my pain, my past. I used to be ashamed of the things I did to cope with the trauma and pain but not anymore, I know that when things are brought to the light it gives shame and Satan no place to hide. I also know that there are others out there with stories like mine. I want you to know that you aren't alone. You aren't too broken. You aren't unlovable. Knowing my story could help even one person have hope or find help is why I continue to share it.

We have the power to change our story. To say this is NOT how it will end. My life changed. So could yours. If you are struggling, reach out to me. I've been there. 

~Kriss Brewer

Healing In The Making

 Moments like this make me happy. Deep happiness. Healing happiness... 

I love watching my husband spend little moments with our daughter like this. Something simple, he made cookies with her. She is such a Daddy's girl and has had him wrapped all around her little finger since the day she was born.

Growing up I didn't get that experience. I have no memories of being little and having these experiences with my biological dad. I have one picture of me sitting on his lap. I used to look at that constantly and try and try to figure things out, wondering if he ever felt about me like a daddy should. I still have no answer. There is lots of pain still tucked away from my past that unfolds with each year as things change but watching my daughter grow with what I never had heals something deep inside of me.

It's kind of a funny thing how that works, how having kids and giving them what we didn't have can heal a brokenness inside, can heal the scars and grow new happiness, joy and memories. 

Here's to watching my daughter grow up with the best Daddy in the world!

~Kriss Elise