My Last Week

So this is my last week here in Uganda, I return to the States next Thursday. These past three weeks have flown by. How do I even begin to write about it all? I’m working on putting together a presentation to show at my hometown church but am having a hard time trying to pack it all into something I can show in under an hour. I think this will be something that will take the next year for me to slowly blog about bit, by bit. People tend to think that international missions is some brave, heroic, glorious thing. For those who think that, let me tell you. It’s not. It’s just doing real life, living out faith. I will say though that it is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done, it gives me a sense of security, compassion and contentment as I know I am living within the calling God has placed on my heart.

I sit here this evening pondering my life, thinking once again upon the deep, dark, desperate place that my Savior rescued me from. Thinking back through the years of my childhood… I never would have imagined in my wildest dreams that someday I would be serving my God in Uganda and it feeling so right. I have fallen so in love with Africa. As much as I am excited and thrilled to go back home and be in the arms of my loved ones there is a part of me that is torn to leave my beautiful Africa and the friends and family I have made here. It does me well to know that Lord willing I will return very soon. The children here have stolen my heart… wrapped me around their tiny little fingers. I’ve become used to waking up to their laughter and hearing “Auntie! Auntie!” yelled a million times a day. I have come to know each one of their voices and gotten to know their personalities. Like any other children they have made me frustrated, brought me insurmountable joy, sent me to my knees in prayer for them, and crying out to God when I didn’t understand His plan. To see how far they have come, to see their joy and their love for God after what they have been through in life warms my soul. To see these kids overcome all the obstacles in their lives and still smile at the end of the day encourages and challenges me.

The thing about missions, is there is no pattern. There is no just outlining it how it is, no box that it fits neatly into. It’s chasing giggly kids around the house one moment and crying out to God the next with a broken heart because you have to let one of the children go. It’s when the little ones become so near and dear to your heart they become as your own but you are powerless to promise protection. It’s the high of laughter and time spent with friends and the impact of seeing death right before your eyes. The little village children calling out “Mzungu!” and waving with smiles from their little houses and seeing the desperation and poverty of the slums. One day, one, moment, one millisecond to another learning that everything changes, but no matter how hard, no matter how tragic that God is still present, all mighty, powerful, unchanging and good. That He is the same God in the lows that He is in the highs. Every day seems to take trusting God to a new level. There are times when it has been easy to praise and worship Him and nights crying out through tears asking Him if He is still in this, telling Him I don’t think I can do it, spending hours into the night on my knees in His presence, learning once again to praise and worship Him even when it hurts so much I can barely breathe, thanking Him though my heart is shattered and stepping into the peace that only He can bring though circumstances seem crushing. Giving the little children into His hands and trusting Him for their protection when I don’t feel like giving it to Him.

So I know this really has no specific subject and is all just kind of a bunch of jumbled thoughts but that’s kind of what you get right now. Over the next year I will have time to sit and sort it out. Write individual stories. But right now it’s just how it is in my mind. All mixed up. And next time there will be new stories to tell both the joyous and the heartbroken. But in all of them God working. Until my very last breath I pray to God that I will live out His mission, whether I’m in Uganda or back in the States that my life, every moment will be one glorifying the Father and spreading His name to all I come in contact with. Until every man, woman and child has heard His name! May all the glory be His forever and ever!

~Because they haven’t heard, Kriss Elise Beckman

My sweet, goofy, little Ivan

Our Stories Must Be Told

I have spent much time in the presence of God lately, talking to Him, listening and reading His word. It’s amazing how if we spend that quiet time, when we devote ourselves to Him and empty out our hearts before His throne then we see the life altering changes. We hear God speak and suddenly everything is different. Then we have two choices, do we move on with our daily life and leave it as if but a mere moment in time, or do we stop in our tracks. Do we realize what just happened and make the changes which will let that moment become the foundation for the future?

It’s crazy how in this life people are stuck inside their own walls, fighting battles against the wars that rage in their lives. Struggles with addictions, tragedies and loss. Yet we remain inside of our little boxes pasting smiles on our faces to tell the world that we are fine. Hiding the tears and screams that echo endlessly, bouncing off of our prison walls. We fight against the demons at night and pretend in the day that we are the light. Afraid that if anybody knows who we really are or the things that we fight against, we would be rejected, unworthy and shamed. We are scared of being weak yet we don’t really know the definition, because how strong would we be to drop the facade? To show our struggles and pain to the world. To join together against the fight of Satan and his lies and proclaim to the world that Jesus is the light in the dark. What would it take to step out of our boxes, out from behind the curtains of disgrace, to show the world that nobody is alone and that there is no shame in the battles that we fight?

It’s time to stop isolating ourselves for Satan to play with in the dark. To stop hiding the struggles, addictions and pain, time to show the world that we are strong because we fight. That we won’t give up, we won’t give in and through it all we remain steadfast and unshakable with God on our side. No more shame, no more playing pretend to the world. This beginning starts when we realize that with the telling of our story, others lives can be changed. We can be the hope and the light because through Jesus we have seen change. We have seen the Mighty Healer at work and we know who freely gives everlasting life and that is the hope we share with the desperate, the ones the world has pushed aside leaving them beaten, broken and bruised. We have the power to shine the light in their lives by being transparent about what God has done in our own broken lives.

I for one will not merely sit aside, I have seen the prison cells that Satan is lining up in rows as he captures each one of us in our addictions and pain and convinces us that we are alone and unworthy. As his demons pour out the shame that silences our cries from the world. Today it stops, in this moment I tell Satan that he will not have his way, because I know where my identity is found and the shame that was once mine to bear, the Son of God already bore on the cross for me, declaring I am worthy, washing me white as snow. Therefore I’m breaking out from my prison cell. Time to tell my story to the world so that others can find freedom from the lies that Satan is painting before their eyes. Because we don’t have to fight alone and there is power when the children of God come together. And nothing in this life can stop me from proclaiming the truth and freedom that my Jesus offers with His death and resurrection on the cross.

~Kriss Elise Beckman

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up ofr us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died, more than that, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 8:31-39

A Week Review In Uganda

A week ago yesterday I landed safely at the Entebbe airport in Uganda, East Africa. From the moment I stepped off of the plane and the warm, night air of Uganda hit my face it was a welcome home to that little part deep within my heart that already was claimed by Africa long ago. I was given a very warm welcome by Uncle Godfrey and Aunt Betty who were waiting to pick me up and take me to the Rafiki Children’s Home.

Entebbe Airport, Uganda!

 I keep writing, and erasing what I have written. How does somebody even begin to describe in words what this past week has been like? It’s a rollercoaster of ups and downs, joyous times and heartbreak. But no matter what the circumstance God is ever faithful and has granted protection upon our little ones. 

I am getting used to the routine of how things work here at the children’s home. When I arrived we had 17 children staying here. Many days are filled with the day to day things of bathing children, walking the older ones to school, teaching and playing with the children, washing the constant flow of dishes and piles of laundry. Devotions and worship time with the children, story time, helping with homework and getting kids to bed. There are always little brown feet running across the floor and little ones wrapping their arms around you wanting you to hold them. It’s only been a week and they have already stolen my heart. 

My heart has been captured by tiny brown hands <3

  

Many days I have went with different staff members outside the walls for various different jobs. Several days Uncle Godfrey, Aunt Florence (who acts as our social worker) and I went out to visit and do follow ups on some of the different kids we have placed in homes with relatives and provide care and school fees for as needed. 

Brenda and Esther with Aunt Florence

 On Thursday we received a call… families of the five kids in our temporary care were found. Yesterday morning we loaded them up and went to the police station to place the children. We were going with the assumption that these kids had been abducted from their parents by the cult. Turns out when we got there that many of the parents of these five (plus the other 35 kids who were rescued and placed in other care) are actually involved in the cult. After several hours four of our little ones were placed with a parent, we will be doing follow ups with those families to make sure that the kids are provided for and not returned to the cult. We were able to keep little Rebecca with us as we could not place her with her father who is a leader in the cult. (I will write a more detailed blog post on this topic later on)

Jennifer, Rebecca, Sharifa, Jimmy and Bright

 Yesterday evening we went and saw the new Rafiki land that was recently purchased and is being renovated. That will eventually be Rafiki’s new home and future. It was really exciting to see where the plans for Rafiki are going. (Will also write a more detailed blog post about the plans and future with the land)

Working on the Rafiki entrance at the new land.

So that is a little overview on my first week here in Uganda. I am more certain then ever that I need to return. Lord willing when I return to America I will begin fundraising for returning to Uganda, perhaps for a longer time. Part of my heart belonged to Africa before I even stepped onto the red Ugandan soil, but now that I’ve been here… its stealing my heart a little more every day. I will attempt to write some more detailed blog posts as I have time to try and show you all what it’s really like but there’s no way you could ever really know unless you come here, hold the kids, breathe the air, see the desperation, watch God do miracles. So if you are interested in coming with me when I return let me know. Rafiki will definitely need some volunteers when construction time comes over at the new land as well as any other time of the year. 

So until next time, please continue in prayer for all of us here, for the staff and especially for the kiddos. Some of these little ones have been through more things in their short few years than anybody should in a lifetime. Please pray for protection and love upon the four little ones we placed yesterday and in desperate prayer for our little Rebecca as her situation has become more complicated. We need God’s protection upon her precious little life.

All my love from Uganda, ~Kriss Elise Beckman

Don't Say "I Told Her So"

With me traveling internationally to third world countries by myself naturally I get a lot of conversations on the topic of my safety. Some of those people have said quite frankly they don't think I should go. Others have said something to the effect of "God will protect you." Thing is... what if I die over there? Or become seriously ill? Will those who told me not to go say "I told her so." or the ones who said God would protect me question Him?

So here is what I want to say, if I die or become seriously ill, don't say "I told her so" because it doesn't matter. If I knew at this moment that my earthly body would perish it wouldn't change me going. Jesus knew what was going to happen, He knew that he would be whipped, beaten, mocked, and crucified. Did that change Him following the Father's will? Did He look at the cross and say "Oh, this will hurt, I'm gonna die. I'm not going."? No He didn't. He knew what was going to happen and He did that for me. How can I do any less for my Jesus? How could I tell Him, "No, I won't go because I might die."? So you know if something happens, I followed my Jesus, I done His will for my life and when I leave this earthly world I will sit before the throne. I have no reservations, I have no conditions. I am going because God told me to go, I won't regret it, I won't back down.

And for the ones who say God will protect me... what if He chooses for me to die? What will happen then? Don't turn away from your faith. God never promised that if I followed Him that I would be "safe" He never promised that I would not become ill or face death. ("In fact, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." 2 Timothy 3:12)  What He did promise is that He would never leave nor forsake me. ("Be strong and courageous; don't be terrified or afraid of them. For it is the Lord your God who goes with you; He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6) that is the promise I carry with me when I step onto unknown soil. The Lord my God goes with and before me, I shall not fear.

In life or in death may every part of my life bring, glory and honor to my Father in Heaven. I pray that He eradicates every single thing in my life that does not belong to Him and takes me on a journey to fulfill His calling for my life no matter the cost while giving me the faith the follow Him with complete devotion.

I challenge you, don't stay where you are. Get up. Move. Go. Wherever God has called you. Whether it's across your kitchen table, across the street or across the world go spread the love and truth of Jesus. There are people out there dying and bound straight for hell, it's our job to spread the hope of eternal life to them. To show them the hope we have inside of us. We often ask God why He doesn't do something, He did, He created us.

Farewell my friends, as I journey onward to where God is leading me. Please keep me in your prayers that I will not waver in my faith, that I will remain firm and confident even when the journey gets rocky. Lord willing I will blog when I return. :)

~Until The Whole World Hears, Kriss Elise Beckman

The Special Night

This night would be a special one, none other could compare,
For on this night she’d meet the One who changed everything,
All had to be perfect, she’d meet Him there at eight,

Hours were spent in her room trying to find something to wear,
A quarter to eight she raced out the door,
Looking her best she slid into her new rental car,
There she drove to the nicest place in town,

Stopping just outside the door she paused,
Her hand resting on the door she closed her eyes,
She could not bear to enter, for inside sat the perfect One,

In a flood all the memories flashed through her mind,
All the things that she ever did wrong,
Every time she turned her back and ran from God,
The night when that drunk man stole her innocence,
All the times she hurt herself just to cope,
The failure, the worthlessness overcame her,
She slid down to the sidewalk sobbing,
Unworthy to enter His presence,

Then she heard the Father’s voice,
His hand gently touch her shoulder,
“My child, my child don’t cry” He said,
“Don’t you see the cross? My Son died for you and was raised,
The day you repented all your sins were gone.”

In a choking voice she replied,
“But you don’t understand,
I’m not perfect, I’m dirty and used,
I’ve been abandoned, broken and bruised,”

“My daughter,” His soft voice spoke,
He touched her face with His hands,
“I never wanted perfect, all I ever wanted was your heart,
I want you just as you are,
I bring the peace and healing to your life,
I’ll make you complete, just trust and follow me,”

She fell into His arms, thought she didn’t understand,
How one could love her so, she was scared,
But she found it to be the most special night of all,
For in that moment she knew she was loved,
And the daughter of the King,
~Kriss Elise Beckman

Are You Ready To Go?

The time is approaching quickly til I depart from my little hometown and board the plane bound for Uganda. Naturally as the time draws near I get a lot of questions. "Are you ready? Are you anxious? Are you scared?" Those are the type of questions I receive the most.

All my life I have struggled with anxiety issues. New situations, small talk, being where I don't know what is going to happen next, going out of my comfort zone, those are things that ramp my anxiety level up really high. Even something as small as having a joint church service with another family of believers makes my anxiety sky rocket. So naturally something like the fact that in 13 days my parents will leave me at Seattle airport to board my international flight to Uganda, which strips away everything I am used to and comfortable with to travel 8,000 miles by myself to a third world country, crossing many time zones, switching planes in London and getting picked up by a group of people that I will live with for a month who I have never met... that should send my anxiety through the roof.

But that's where God comes into the picture. In my own strength, trying to do it on my own I'd probably have already been in the hospital with a heart attack from panic. I've come to find out though that when we give it all to God, He is the one whom we find strength, peace and calmness. In Him we are bold, courageous and victorious.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:7

That is what I have in my life. I have no anxiety. I'm not even a little scared. I'm treasuring every moment I get to spend with my family because I know it's gonna be really hard to say goodbye for a month, it's gonna be hard to be away for a month but honestly I'm eager to get on that plane. My bags are almost packed, all the details are being finalized and I'm starting to long for the airport, the waiting, the tickets, boarding the flight, listening to the flight attendant go over the safety instructions, feeling the thrill as the airplane takes off and moves me closer with every minute to my dream, to fulfill my passion, my purpose, to do what God has sent me to do. I want to feel tired, exhausted and dirty at the end of the day of teaching the gospel to kids, walking the dusty streets, proclaiming the gospel message to those who haven't heard, to those hungry for the Word in a country that has already stolen a part of my heart. I want to fall asleep in a uncomfortable bunk bed knowing that my day was spent doing work that will have an eternal impact. Yes, I'm counting down the days, minutes and seconds til I leave. I have found my true belonging, my true mission, my deep down passion and it's for missions. Way out of my comfort zone. Way beyond anything I was ever told I would be capable of. Way farther than I ever imagined a poor small town girl would go. And I am ready and waiting.

I have come to realize it's quite a possibility that I will live my whole life paycheck to paycheck, that's okay by me, because I know, that I am blessed and rich in something bigger than this world, I am an ambassador for Christ and I'm gonna live out this life with abandon for Him, no regrets, I am looking forward to eternity. The cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back. No turning back. ~Kriss Beckman