All my life I have struggled with anxiety issues. New situations, small talk, being where I don't know what is going to happen next, going out of my comfort zone, those are things that ramp my anxiety level up really high. Even something as small as having a joint church service with another family of believers makes my anxiety sky rocket. So naturally something like the fact that in 13 days my parents will leave me at Seattle airport to board my international flight to Uganda, which strips away everything I am used to and comfortable with to travel 8,000 miles by myself to a third world country, crossing many time zones, switching planes in London and getting picked up by a group of people that I will live with for a month who I have never met... that should send my anxiety through the roof.
But that's where God comes into the picture. In my own strength, trying to do it on my own I'd probably have already been in the hospital with a heart attack from panic. I've come to find out though that when we give it all to God, He is the one whom we find strength, peace and calmness. In Him we are bold, courageous and victorious.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:7
That is what I have in my life. I have no anxiety. I'm not even a little scared. I'm treasuring every moment I get to spend with my family because I know it's gonna be really hard to say goodbye for a month, it's gonna be hard to be away for a month but honestly I'm eager to get on that plane. My bags are almost packed, all the details are being finalized and I'm starting to long for the airport, the waiting, the tickets, boarding the flight, listening to the flight attendant go over the safety instructions, feeling the thrill as the airplane takes off and moves me closer with every minute to my dream, to fulfill my passion, my purpose, to do what God has sent me to do. I want to feel tired, exhausted and dirty at the end of the day of teaching the gospel to kids, walking the dusty streets, proclaiming the gospel message to those who haven't heard, to those hungry for the Word in a country that has already stolen a part of my heart. I want to fall asleep in a uncomfortable bunk bed knowing that my day was spent doing work that will have an eternal impact. Yes, I'm counting down the days, minutes and seconds til I leave. I have found my true belonging, my true mission, my deep down passion and it's for missions. Way out of my comfort zone. Way beyond anything I was ever told I would be capable of. Way farther than I ever imagined a poor small town girl would go. And I am ready and waiting.
I have come to realize it's quite a possibility that I will live my whole life paycheck to paycheck, that's okay by me, because I know, that I am blessed and rich in something bigger than this world, I am an ambassador for Christ and I'm gonna live out this life with abandon for Him, no regrets, I am looking forward to eternity. The cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back. No turning back. ~Kriss Beckman
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