Lord, Let Me Never Get Over Being Saved

Looking back upon my life there is one thing I never want to forget, never want to get tired of talking about and never want the feeling to go away. I never want to get over the moment of my salvation.

I want to remember the desperation, the dark place I was in. Living in sin as an enemy of God. Doing things my own way, living my own life, with eternal destiny for hell. Yet for years I didn't know what a desperate condition I was in. How dark the darkness is when we perceive that darkness to be light. I fought God for a long time. I had a good picture of Him in my mind when I was little, He was the "Santa Claus" God up there in the sky. All my opinions of Him were destroyed when circumstances shattered my life. I hated Him because He didn't stop the bad things from happening. Because in my mind He wasn't doing what was right. Thirteen years of living in the desperate place of being separate from God. Living life to make me happy. Focused on me and what I wanted. It took me hitting rock bottom to look up and see God. I was so self-centered that I went through life wondering why He didn't do something, why He didn't care and only in the moment when I took the focus off me and looked up to Him did I realize that He was there all along reaching out His hand just waiting for me to reach up to grasp it. In that moment I realized who I was as a sinful, lost person apart from God and I knew I needed Him. I knew I had no choice but to grasp that hand. Giving Him my life.

I didn't know in that moment exactly what all that would mean. But I gave my entire life to Him, my everything. I never regret that decision and I never want to get over the moment of being saved. The moment when the all powerful God, the creator of the entire universe looked down on one broken, teenage girl and said "I choose YOU. Come and be my daughter." When the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent God forgave my sins and gave me more than I can ever comprehend and all He wanted in exchange, was my heart, my soul and my life.

I never want to become so complacent that I forget or lessen the importance of what my God did for me. I don't want to become happy with my life, or living a life that pleases me in my human nature. I never want to stay in my comfort zone. I want a burning passion for Christ. I want to live this life with ONE focus. ONE goal. ONE mind. That is to bring glory to the Father and expand the eternal kingdom until the moment I breathe my last breathe and God calls me home. I want to burn with such a desire for Him that the world cannot distract me. Because in the end to hear the Father say, "Well done my good and faithful servant." Will be a life worth living. Any life lived for ourselves or the world is a waste of time.

I challenge you. Think back to the day of your salvation. Think of what God has done for you and follow Him with a selfless heart. Live for Him and I guarantee that you will find it is well worth it! Never get over being saved. 

The Sidewalk Tells All My Secrets

I was out for a walk today in our little tiny town. Listening to my music and lost in thought when I realized that the sidewalk  held my life story. The cracks that crisscross back and forth for all the hard time that hurt, all the pain that didn't shatter me but left cracks that were never healed. The chunks which had ended up somewhere in elsewhere for all the gaps of time that I have no memory of. The areas where the path was taken over by earth and grass for the times when Satan tried to claim victory over my path. The places where the concrete stands uneven were the places I tripped over and the mountains I had to climb. Spots that were sunken were the places I fell. People passing by never stop to notice, because it's insignificant, they don't even realize it needs fixed. The few who do notice either don't have the time or the interest in fixing it. One day the right person will come along and take the time to make it new. Like the insignificant girl who somebody finally stopped to notice, to look at long enough to see the pain and places where she was broke. Though many battles are fought the path still struggles on, through the brokenness, cracks and missing pieces it's still there. But the story doesn't end there if you take enough time to walk further down the path. If you look closely you will notice that little by little, the cracks become less, the destruction a little more minor, those are the places where hope was a light in the distance and life had a little bit of glow. Keep walking. There is a place where there is a whole section of concrete that is complete with only hairline cracks. That is the place where love was born. After that the sidewalk becomes very rough again as life crashed seeing what I wanted so bad but could reach it only with my fingertips. If you follow the sidewalk long enough you will find that some blocks of concrete have cracks, some are broken, some are barely there, each one stands for a day in life and what was conquered that day. Later on way down the path you will find sections of concrete that are complete, they are whole, they don't have cracks. That is the future and I'm not there yet. Someday though I will stand there and the wounds will be healed, the dirt washed away and everything complete. When in the end love is the greatest of it all.

~Kriss

Breaking Free Part 2

So here is a second blog post on the subject of breaking free from bondage. In the last post I made five points of what I've experienced and found to be the main steps to freedom.

1. Recognize that you are confined.
2. Acknowledge that you are confined.
3. Want to break free from the confinement.
4. Seek help.
5. Work through the steps to become free.


I talked about the first two in the last post and this one will be focused on points three and four. Wanting freedom and seeking help. I'm sure I will have a lot more thoughts on this subject than I will actually put in this post so will probably have another one on this topic down the road as I learn more.

The third step is wanting to break free from the bondage you are in. It sounds simple but as you work through whatever is holding you in chains you will begin to realize what I mean. You will have to really desire the freedom because the process in between will probably be one of the hardest things you will do in your life. There will be times that you just want to throw the towel in and give up, sleepless nights spent sobbing in your bed, pounding your fists against the wall in frustration. As I am breaking free from all the things that hold me captive, one really hard struggle in particular I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to just give up. To stop. Afraid of the change. Scared that I can't do it and it will be one more thing I fail at. But what keeps me going deep down inside is that desire to break free from all the things that hold me back from serving my God with radical faith, with an even deeper desire. To live life to the full extent that I was created for.

The fourth step may be the hardest out of the whole thing. Seeking help. I was so sure I could do this life on my own. I grew up learning to be independent. That I didn't need help. Somehow no matter how hard it got I could always figure it out. I didn't need anybody. All the secrets locked inside for fear people would find out, that they'd reject me, that they wouldn't love me anymore. It came very near to killing me. The thing is WE are the ones who have to make the decision to accept help. Whatever form that comes in. First and foremost is accepting Christ into our lives. Without Him we are destined for eternity in hell. When our eternity is secured in Christ He will put people in our lives to help us work through the struggles so that we can serve him with reckless abandon.

Depending on the struggle you are going through the kind of help you seek will differ. Sometimes it means trusting the opinion of somebody else instead of your own for a time. Doing what they tell you to do because they have your best interest in mind. Doing really hard things. Doing things you don't want to do and everything in you screams that you don't want to do it but you know it's the right choice. I know that in my struggles right now I had to give complete trust to my adoptive parents to make the right choices for me because I couldn't do that on my own. Slowly I am gaining that control back as I learn how to in ways that have my best interest in mind. It's meant me seeing a certified nutritionist which I won't pretend was easy, and also a christian counselor. Which scared me to death at the idea. I didn't want to. I told Daddy that I didn't want to. And I'm not sure exactly how it happened but I ended up going and the last meeting I left feeling really encouraged and good. There are simple every day choices where I stand there and debate over little things in this struggle. "Do I want to do what makes me feel good, or what honors God?" And more and more I'm choosing to throw my own wants and desires out the door because God's choices for me are so much better than my own.

I know I know that many are put off by me talking about my God so much but in the end. He is the One who is eternal. It's how we live our life for Him that matters. Everything else is temporary. And in my life when I follow and obey my God even when life sucks, battles rage and I'm struggling through the day He is still there, He is still good and I receive a deep sense of overall peace in my life that reigns above the chaos.

So please. If you are struggling. Go get that help that you need. Ask people in your life for help. Talk to people you trust. You will find that it is more than worth it. And the peace, joy and freedom that comes from letting go and letting God is absolutely amazing. For all those seeking help may God bless you. I know it's hard. I know it's tough. I know it sucks but you are strong, strong enough to carry on with Christ in you! Lean on God, trust Him! We are all in this together! May all the glory and honor and praise forever be to the One True King!! ~Kriss

Camas Lake Adventure!

Spring/summer hiking season has definitely started and I have gotten a late start this year. This is the first "real" hike of more than five miles this spring. Dale and I decided to take advantage of this Saturday and venture up to Camas Lake as it is a relatively moderate, short hike (7 miles round trip) to start the season. Leaving in the earlier part of the morning for the fifty mile drive to the trail head put us there about 9:30am.

The trail head is located about 9 miles up Lost Horse Rd

Being the first real hike of the season it took us a bit to get our stuff together which put us hiking by 10am. The trail starts out on an old logging road that turns into a hiking trail after just a short bit. After less than half hour of hiking there are two small creeks that are easy to cross.

The biggest of the two small creeks

One hour from the trail head we reached the rock fields which are close to half way there. (I believe you have cellphone service at this spot) At this point we only ran into a minimal amount of snow on the trail.

Checking the map to see where we are at

The amount of snow definitely kept increasing the father back we got. We reached the two creek crossings that have man made bridges half an hour later at 11:20am.

At this point you are about a third of the way to the lake but the next half mile or so is probably the steepest part of the trip before it levels out a bit into deep snow where we lost the trail as nobody had been up there since the snow.

Deep snow drifts but easy to walk on top of.

 We made it to the lake in just under two and a half hours from the trail head. We spent the next two hours enjoying ourselves in the middle of God's wondrous creation before heading back out. It was a very beautiful mile day for the hike.

Enjoying time together at the lake

Dale's new hiking stove

We finally got a chance to try out the new propane stove that Dale got for his birthday. It works really great and is super simple and handy as well as compact and light. We cooked some Bear Creak Cheddar Potato soup on it for lunch.

It was actually rather good with a dinner roll

There was a TON of snow up there!!!

We left the lake about 2:15 and got back to the truck about an hour later. Thankfully we had no problems with ticks at all, though it was still rather cold up there. It was a really nice hike and I can't wait to get out to the next trail that awaits us! ~Kriss

Journey From "I'm Not Going" to "This Is My Life"

I'm sitting here at the table this evening realizing that in exactly three months I will be sitting here spending the last evening with my family before heading on my one month trip to Uganda to serve with Rafiki Africa Ministries.

About eighteen months ago I was sitting at the kitchen table talking to Daddy about church stuff when he asked me a question that took me by surprise. Although I wasn't aware of it at the time that question would lead my life in a whole new direction. He asked me, "So what would it take for you to go on a mission trip?" I immediately had an answer for him. Which was a simple "No". Followed by a list of twenty reasons why that would never happen.

*I could never get the time off work
*Too much money
*Never want to fly in an airplane
*I don't get shots
*I don't like traveling
*I never want to leave the United States
*Too far out of my comfort zone
*I don't want to be away from my family
*I don't know enough
*I don't want to

Those are just a few of the many reasons I had that I couldn't go. Looking over at my answers I realize that most of them are just because I was selfish. It was about what I wanted and at that point I was more interested in staying in my comfort zone and doing what I wanted than listening to God. And I never really thought a little small town girl could really make a difference. But then over the course of time God kept working on my heart (and obedience) to Him and for missions and in January of 2014 I said yes to what God was laying on my heart to do. I called Dad and told him that I had no clue what I was doing or how I was gonna do it but I was ready to go. Being the practical, loving man he is, with excitement in his voice he said, "Great! Have you gotten your passport? How can we help?" Which was my introduction to the world of missions. Though being naive at that point I thought this was simply going on a two-week mission trip. So I got my passport, started raising money, getting all the paperwork done and wondering what in the world I was doing while my family supported me every step of the way. I don't think I would have ever been able to go without the incredible support I received from them. 

Upon returning from spending two weeks serving God among the people of Peru I knew without doubt that was only the beginning of my work overseas. I spent time at the river having quiet time with God and praying. I asked Him where I was to serve, what His plan was and asking Him to guide me. I was still getting back into the routines of being home and not really expecting an answer right then and was a little blown away when my question was answered with one place. UGANDA. I wasn't even sure where Uganda was and you would think my faith by now would be enough I'd trust God on this one but my response went something like "Uganda? Where is that? No way? That's ridiculous! Why Uganda? You really want me to go to Uganda?!" I went home wondering if maybe I was just going crazy. But during the next few days God confirmed what He told me. Yes I was supposed to go to Uganda. For a month. So I immediately went and told my family who were once again excited and ready to support me. 

What I didn't know at that time... is that Uganda would change my life. Before my bags are even packed part of my heart would belong to Uganda. I have no clue what I'm supposed to be feeling or if maybe I am just crazy but I have never felt more deeply connected to any place before. I have never felt such a burning, passionate desire to serve and make a difference in one place. The more I read, the more I find information and see their faces the more I know that part of me belongs there. I know that I haven't even stepped into the country and I've been told often that I have my whole life ahead of me, that I'm young and need to think about my future.. and maybe that's true but I know that the month I spend there this year is only the beginning. That in the next years I will spend more time there, perhaps much of my time. So right now my future is unknown and I'm okay with that. I would appreciate prayers as I find direction in my life. In the past couple years I have figured out that God doesn't like to leave me in my comfort zone for very long. I know that wherever He calls me for however long it is I will serve Him passionately and with desire for as long as I'm still breathing in this world.

~Until the whole world hears, Kriss

More Than Just Facts and Pictures

I'm having a bake sale fundraiser this week for my trip to Uganda and have been making a display board to show what is happening in Uganda and my reason for going there. To make this display board I printed out pictures and facts to put on my board and while working on it I became so overwhelmed with feelings I ended up sitting on my bedroom floor in tears. It was one of those moments when reality just smacks you in the face.

Here I am putting facts and pictures of little kids on a board... and over in Uganda kids are starving to death, over 2.7 million children (1 in every 3 kids between the ages of 5 and 17) are forced into hazardous child labor, children are surviving from what they find in garbage dumps, over 3 million orphaned children living in the streets and ghettos- many in abusive circumstances, 2/3rds of Uganda's entire population is under the age of 15... these are facts I'm writing on paper and pasting on a board. But they are more than facts. They are more than pictures. It's reality.

It's real kids, with real names. It's not just statistics. It's little Esther and Daniel who live in the garbage dump, Josephine who starved to death and her brother who died from drinking contaminated water, Patrick who was kidnapped and forced into being a child soldier who had to kill his family as the "initiation process", Julian and Ronny are seven and nine years old and are forced into child labor that is hazardous to their health... do you get it? Do I get it? These are REAL kids, who live REAL lives, with REAL names! They aren't statistics. They aren't another number. They aren't just a face in a picture. These kids are as real as you daughter as real as your little brother. Not only are these kids in desperate, deprived situations and forced into things that are unimaginable but they are devoid of hope. The hope of Jesus that you and I possess.

It just doesn't feel right to treat them as just another statistic, just more kids in another country who have it worse off than we do. It's time to do something. How can we stand and look at this and then walk away and live our normal life? How am I going to go to Uganda and and see it even more real than I do now, how am I gonna walk on the streets, see the faces, talk to them, hear their names, learn their stories and then come back and live my normal life? I think this may be some of the feelings that you have that nobody warns you when you go into missionary life. But I have to say I have never had a deep, heart wrenching passion for something so strongly as I do for this.

The only answer I know is that where God leads I will follow and where He sends me I will serve. I have a feeling that this will not be the only time I spend in Uganda.

~Until every child hears His name.

Behind Bars

Have you ever been in prison? Do you know what it feels like? Do you know how you can be freed from the bondage you are in? I know what it's like. I've served time in prison for years. The one very important fact that I don't want you to miss... For all the time I've served behind bars, I never realized that the judge who convicted me had no right to condemn me. I missed the One in the courtroom who could help me. The one who could stand before that critical, condemning judge and claim me innocent and free.

I believe that prison is more then just being locked up in a physical building. The first definition of prison according the Merriam Webster dictionary is "a state of confinement or captivity." There are so many people out there who are locked in prisons behind bars and don't even know it. The prison is in our minds. It's a battle fought within. I will tell you that is a very lonely place to be. How do I know? Cause I've lived there for years. The first step of breaking out of prison and living in freedom is realizing and acknowledging that you are locked up. As well as who convicted you, who gave your sentence to you and who is the One who can free you. That is what this post is about and will be the first of many on this topic.

In today's world people are locked up in a vast assortment of prisons and at different stages of breaking free. Some people are oblivious to the fact that they are locked up. And these are the stages I have found to be the steps to take to find and claim the freedom that we have in Christ.

1. Recognize that you are confined.
2. Acknowledge that you are confined.
3. Want to break free from the confinement.
4. Seek help.
5. Work through the steps to become free.

I could talk forever on this subject and on various different levels. Of the six points I have listed I have been through every level. To be completely honest I am at many different levels right now in different areas of life and in this post I'm trying to just touch on the first two points.

For people like me who have lived their whole lives running from their problems and struggles in life, I can tell you with certainty that one of the hardest things you may ever do is to recognize that you have deep issues in life that you need help to work through. We tend to be very independent people and proud people at that. We love to give off the impression that we have it all figured out. That we have our life together. We fail to realize that when we do that, the person we harm the most is ourselves. By failing to recognize our struggles we deny ourselves the help that could lead to such freedom in our lives. We all have our own personalized struggles and our own reasons why we struggle to recognize that we are confined that keep us from reaching out for help.

There are issues that many of us struggle with and I have struggled with a lot of them personally, and again there are many reasons why these struggles come into our lives. Some of them are because of choices and mistakes we have made and some of them are simply because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time and somebody took advantage of that. All those dark secrets that we keep hidden that drag us down. All those bad choices that we don't want anybody to know about because we are afraid that they will think less of us because of it. The hurt we've experienced when other people take advantage of the power they have to hurt and abuse others. The addictions that keep us bound in chains of shame yet we can't stop. You get what I'm talking about right? I'm sure things in your life have come to your mind while you've been reading this.

What are you in bondage to? Who has convicted you? How long have you remained in prison while the answer to freedom has been standing by waiting for you to reach out for that help? Before you can break free from prison you have to realize that you have been locked up. I think that is one of the biggest things that holds us back from freedom. We don't even realize that we are in prison. And that prison is our mind.

I'm not worth it. I'm not good enough. I've made too many mistakes. I've hurt somebody. I've made bad choices. I was sexually assaulted. I have sinned. I struggle with addiction. I wasn't worth somebody's time. I was abused. I gave up. I have done things to harm myself. I ran away. I didn't want to live. I have an eating disorder. I have lied. I have stood by and done nothing. I have been disobedient.... I am a child of God's and those things may be part of my life, but they ARE NOT my story.

Can you relate? I'm not sure there is anybody can read that list who can't relate to at least a couple of those things. You probably have many of your own that you could add. Those are the things that we keep buried. Things we hide down inside because of shame and fear, maybe of losing our pride, being rejected, being stigmatized, disappointing those who see us in a different light, afraid of ruining our reputation. Maybe fear that if we actually acknowledge those hard things that we have been through or are going through that we will see how broken we are.

This is step one. Recognize that you are confined, held captive, chained down, in prison, kept in bondage. Acknowledge your mistakes, your choices and the things that have happened to you that hurt. You cannot break out of prison if you don't realize that you are locked up.

So it's gonna be scary. Hard. Some nights, or many nights you will want to give up and just live in the confinement because you've lived there so long that at least you have become comfortable there and you don't have to step out and do the hard, scary uncomfortable things. If you choose to stay in bondage you will never experience the freedom that was intended for you to live in.

I certainly don't have all the answers. I can only tell my story. Share what I've learned, tell of the testimony of what God has done and hope that there is somebody out there somewhere who is helped by it. I pray that through these blog posts you get to see a glimpse of what God has done and is doing in my life. I pray that you will get to see a glimpse of His amazing grace that triumphs over all my fears and failures and hope you get to live that in your life as well. Share your testimony. Share what God has done in your life. Sit back and watch what God can do with your crazy, insane, messed up story. :) Praise God that He's not done with us yet!!

"Lord, I pray that everyone who reads this post realized and acknowledges the areas in their life in which they are living in prison. I pray that those who are your sons and daughters start to find the freedom in you as they reach out for help in overcoming the bondage they live in. I pray that you will work in their lives as they seek you and draw them near and that we can all experience the true freedom in which you have provided us all with. For the lost who don't know you Lord they are in real prison destined for an eternity in a bondage more tragic and real than we could ever even imagine and I pray that as they seek freedom from the bondage in their life that they will realize that the only true freedom comes from you and your son who died on the cross so that we could be forgiven of all our sins and live in the grace and confident hope in the eternal life we have with you. Thank you for working continually in my life and helping me learn what true freedom is and that I can live in that free of all Satan's convictions that hold no charge over a child of yours. Thank you for your unfailing, never ending love, grace and mercy. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Amen."

~Kriss