Wives,
submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the
wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its
Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in
everything to their husbands. ~Ephesians 5:22-24
This section of scripture is one that has stirred up
arguments and conflict throughout time. Now I will state here at the beginning
that I’m not a theologian, I haven’t gone to Bible school, I’m young and not
yet married. But I am a follower of Christ, my heart’s desire is to learn and
to follow God’s commands with joy, and I have a wonderful, godly fiancé that I
can’t wait to marry.
With that being said, I read through the second half
of chapter five in the book of Ephesians. I have heard lots and lots of
opinions on these verses and I have to say most of the time it’s coming from
defensive women who feel that submitting to their husbands is a burden or makes
them less than.
I have a little bit different outlook on it than most
people my age or maybe most people in general. I read this section and it warms
my heart. I don’t see this command as a burden or as a restriction on my life
or rights. As I read through these verses I see security, foundation, love,
guidance… I read down through verse 33.
“Husbands,
love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that
he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the
word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot
or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In
the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves
his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his
body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his
wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am
saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you
love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Now given the fact that this passage is often used to
abuse and control (From my past I know in great detail what it’s like with
somebody who believes that) This passage says nothing of the sort to men about
being the head over women to control them or to get them to do what they want. That’s
the lie. I’m here to write about the truth. I think of my soon to be husband
when I read this. He’s a godly man who strives to follow God in every area of
his life. So because I have waited on the Lord and he has blessed me with a man
who desires to follow Christ as I do, I see this section as security. Words in
which I find comfort and joy.
From the very beginning I have looked to Travis as the
leader in our relationship. It’s one of the greatest blessings that God has
bestowed upon me. Giving me a man that lives out God’s command to him. To love
me, cherish me and protect me. He is to me what Christ is to the church. Not a
manipulator, controller or abuser but a hedge of protection, security and
leader. He consults me on decisions that will affect the two of us but in the
end he is the one who makes the decision that with his knowledge believes will
be the best for our family. And I trust him as leader in all areas. That’s what works. Is it because we are special, or
somehow it’s magical for us and we have something that others don’t? No, it
works because we are following God’s commands and roles for our lives and he
blesses that. Submitting to him means that we aren’t constantly fighting for
that leadership place. It takes the burden off of me to try and fit into a role
that I, as a woman was never designed for. It lets him fill the role that God
did design for him as a man, to love, provide for, lead and protect.
I feel like I keep repeating myself trying to phrase
this in lots of different ways to get my point across. It’s just that I feel a
deep need in my heart to get this truth out there. With everything in society
telling women to get out there, that they can do anything men can do, women’s
rights, to be independent, that there’s no need to submit to their husband,
that they can/should be the leader of the home. With all that crap out there I
believe we need the voice of truth out there more than ever. For women young and
old, but especially for the young like myself. In relationships and beginning
marriages and families. Hearing everything that society drowns us with can
sometimes overwhelm the small voice of truth. You don’t have to try and be like
a man. It’s okay to let the men fill those roles. And it is absolutely
perfectly okay for you to find joy and blessing in filling the role as a wife,
submitting to your husband in the Lord. You will find greater joy in that than
in anything the world is telling you. Trust me. It works.
I could write on this topic forever and probably will
eventually write another post on it down the road after I’m married for a few
years. But I don’t believe that my overall view on this will ever change. I’ve
asked many women their input on this section as well. The ones that share the
same view as me, that find joy in submitting to their husbands (even if they’ve
struggled with it) are the ones that I see whose marriages have worked over the
years. The ones who keep celebrating anniversaries and are deeply in love with
each other and with the Lord. That’s what I want. And I believe that God
intended that to be fully possible if we would only obey his commandments.
So I’ll leave you with this. Take time this week.
Study this scripture, take time in the quiet to pray and open your heart up to
God. Strip away the defenses you may want to put up and ask God to align your
heart, wherever you may be to His good and perfect will. Pray for your
significant other, husband, or if you are single for the husband God has in
mind for you. Pray that he would seek to live out his part. That he would find
joy in loving you and caring for you as you find joy in submitting to and
respecting him. Lift your relationship to God and let him strengthen it. My
fellow sisters, stay strong in the Lord and shine the truth.
~Kriss Elise
