Journal Entry:
Tomorrow Moses, Florence and I will be taking Rebecca
to place her with her family. We will be leaving really early to make it to
Western Uganda and back before night. I had to tell Godfrey and Sarah tonight at devotions that we are taking Rebecca tomorrow and this time she's not coming back. That was so hard. I couldn't stop the tears... but I was able to wait til up here in my room to completely break apart. I could say I’m okay… I could say I
understand… I could say that it doesn’t hurt… but that would be a lie… I could
say that it doesn’t matter but the truth is I’m shattered and this hurts like
hell. How in a million years am I supposed to do this? How the crud do I give
my little girl away when she’s already been through hell and back? How? Please tell me…
please tell me that she will be safe, that nobody will hurt her… tell me...
Lord, I come before you tonight, bowing humbly in your
presence, I recognize you as King and Lord over all, almighty, all powerful, omniscient…
You are the Mighty Protector, Healer and Guardian over your children, I come to
you tonight with a heavy heart. Many times I have asked you to break my heart
for the things that break yours and Lord you are doing that. I don’t know what
your plan is Lord for our little Rebecca but I do know that she does not go
unnoticed by the One who knows even when a sparrow falls from the sky. I’m
scared to let go of her God, I’m scared she will end up back where she was
rescued from, I’m scared that she will grow up not knowing love, or you my God,
but I know that though I am heartbroken and feel helpless that You know what is
going to happen before tomorrow when it comes. I place my little girl in your
hands Lord as you say in Matthew, I take your yoke upon me because you are
gentle and lowly in heart and your yoke is easy, your burden light. I cannot do
this on my own God, so I ask you to take this burden from my heart. Show me
what to do, whether to go or stay. Whatever you show me Lord I will follow
wherever you are. Take little Rebecca and protect her Lord, she has went
through enough pain in her four little years to last a lifetime and I just pray
that wherever she may go, that you go before her, wrap a blanket of protection
around her I pray and draw her ever more near to you. Take our dear little one
and love her, keep her safe and secure. Give me strength and wisdom to deal
with this as well as everybody else who will grieve during this time. Show me
the way and may my footsteps never wander off Your path. Thank you for giving
us this time with her to make memories and to love her. I release her into your
loving arms my Lord, I pray this in the powerful, redeeming name of Jesus, Amen
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