The Demons that Hide in the Dark

I'm sure we all have parts of our past that we would rather just forget. We push it aside and bury the memories sure that we can just move on and that it's "all behind us now" but then some little thing triggers your memory and the searing pain, guilt and shame return. I think we spend so much of our lives running and hiding from the past. Trying to suppress the memories and images in our minds that just come back to haunt us later.

As an example I think of painting a deck. If you are painting a deck because the paint on it is bad, ugly and all pealing off you can go the quick easy way and just cover it up with a new coat of paint. And for a time that deck will look nice and new on the outside. But sure enough as time goes on the old paint on the inside will start to ruin the paint on top. Your new coat of paint will be ruined by the old. Now if you take time to sand it down and get rid of the old pealing paint before applying the new then your deck will last. That's how it is in real life I think. We suppress the old memories by just painting over them with new ones. While on the outside everything looks nice on the inside the demons from the past run and play. But if we take the long, hard road of healing from those then the new will last.

Honestly in my life I have spent way more time suppressing the things I didn't want to remember and pushing them down then I have actually taking time to come to reality with them and heal from them. I'm beginning a study by Neil T. Anderson called The Bondage Breaker. Even reading through the first chapter... brought back so many memories. So many things I never wanted to remember. But instead of running this time I'm going to sit down and face them. I couldn't do it alone so two awesome people who I love very much are taking time to do the study with me.

A couple months ago I made a promise to my dad that I would stop running and hiding. And I am trying my best to keep that. I know some of you out there must relate to how hard it is to actually face all the fears of what is behind you. But as Dad always tells me the monsters inside don't seem so big when they are brought to the light. They live in the dark and when we bring them into the light and out of their secret hiding places we can begin to be freed from all the chains that hold us down. I cannot say what this journey holds at the end as I have never been down this road but I know it's gotta be better then leaving the demons in the dark.

And if no better reason to do so then for those who have invested time into my life, who have helped me, cried with me, loved me when I was unlovable, told us what we needed to hear but didn't want to, who have given up time and sleep for me, who have been there regardless of the stupid decisions I've made, who've stood by and watched me stumble because I refused advice, for the people who worry, who pray, who really, truly love me. And for my wonderful, mighty, Creator. I know He longs for us all to be free from the chains which bind us and hold us. But WE have to make the choice. WE have to take the first step.

Thanks to my Mama and Daddy who are always there. Who have promised to stay. I love you both more than words can say. I wouldn't be where I am at in life today without your dedication to my life. Thank you for leading me to a relationship with Jesus and walking with me.

~Kriss